If you’re inexperienced or have never done it before, anal sex can seem daunting. It’s likely because you’ve heard: one, that you’ll poop, and two, that it’s painful. While both outcomes are possible, rest assured there are a number of things you can do to greatly limit or eliminate these exaggerated outcomes altogether.
Preparing for Anal Sex
First thing you’re going to want to do is prepare to make sure your anal sex experience is as pleasurable and comfortable as possible. I call the following tactics the three D’s of anal preparation:
Dieting
Being prepared for receptive anal intercourse begins with your diet. If you maintain a diet full of fiber, douching (step two) should only take a few minutes, and some might not even have to douche at all. By consuming plenty of fiber and water, your stool bulks together in one smooth, formed mass, meaning there is very little left behind in the rectum, the place the penis touches.
For a douche-friendly diet, consider introducing more fruits, vegetables, legumes, leafy greens, whole grains and unprocessed bran to your meals, and limit dairy and greasy red meats.
Fiber pills and supplements are also a great way to introduce more fiber into your diet and are specifically good for bottoming.
Douching
Douching is not a necessary measure, but is one that assures your rectum is as empty as possible. There is no way to guarantee a mess-free experience, but dieting and douching are both effective methods for prevention.
To douche, fill a small bulb with warm water (warm water prevents cramping), insert the tip of the bulb into your bum and squeeze it gently. Let the fluid rest in your rectum for a few seconds, and then release it into the toilet. Then repeat the process until the water runs clear.
If you have the time, douche 30 minutes to an hour prior to intercourse to ensure there is no leftover fluid since your rectum contains some twists, turns and folds the water must run through.
Dilating
Dilating helps inform your body of what’s to come, since the sphincter is used to being closed most of the time. Your sphincter is a muscle, and as is true with any muscle, it needs to be exercised to function its best.
To dilate, apply ample lube to your hole as well as a toy of a manageable size, like the BILLY 2, and insert it for roughly five seconds. Then remove it and repeat the process 10 times. Another, perhaps more manageable option is to insert and wear a butt plug around for a while. However, it won’t exercise your sphincter the same way that active play with a sphincter does.
Tips for Pleasurable Bottoming
Now that you’re all prepped, it’s time we cover some key points before you bend over and put your ass on a platter.
To start, foreplay is not only important, but necessary. The more comfortable and aroused the bottom is, the likelier their hole will relax and be more receptive.
Lube is another non-negotiable, since the anus doesn’t lubricate itself like a vulva and its skin is ultra thin, meaning it can easily cut, chafe or tear if not sufficiently lubricated. A silicone-based lube is often best for anal sex, as it tends to boast a slicker texture and last longer than water-based lubricants.
If you still find it difficult to relax, a good tip is to stimulate your genitals, nipples, and other erogenous zones simultaneously to assist in helping you open up.
It’s also imperative that you take your time. You can’t just shove a penis in an ass and hope for the best. That’s when injury occurs. The top must enter slowly, inch by inch, checking in with their partner throughout. Once the muscles have relaxed, you can pick up the pace.
Optimal Positions for Beginners
Tucked Missionary
What makes Missionary beneficial for anal sex is that both partners are facing one another, giving each allowing for both verbal and non-verbal cues. You’ll be able to observe whether the recipient is enjoying themselves, if they’re uncomfortable, or if they’re unsure (it happens!).
What makes the Tucked modification beneficial for beginners is that by lifting your knees toward your chest, your body is more open, making things more comfortable for the bottom, while offering better access for the top. If it’s more comfortable, the bottom can rest their legs on the top’s shoulders. Some may find it beneficial to place a pillow under the hips to elevate the booty.
Receiver On Top
Receiver On Top (or “Cowboy/Cowgirl”) is great for beginners because the bottom is in charge, which is important since they’re in the more vulnerable position. Because initial entry can be uncomfortable, the bottom can take their time to angle their pelvis and determine the overall depth of insertion at a pace they’re comfortable with.
The top should lay on their back with the bottom straddling the top, sitting on the tip of the penis, engaging the sphincter muscles until they fully relax. If it’s uncomfortable, pull out and do it again. It can take up to three to four times to completely receive the penis, so be patient. When the penis is fully inserted, the bottom can lean their torso forward, backward and side to side, until they find their sweet spot.
On Your Stomach
This position is great for helping a bottom relax while also giving them a pillow to lustfully moan into. The bottom should lay under their belly with a pillow under the stomach to elevate the bum and give their hips some wiggle room to determine a depth they’re comfortable with. Pull the legs together for a tighter squeeze, and spread your legs further if it’s uncomfortable.
The top can access the hole by straddling the bum vertically or they lay on top of the bottom for closer contact. From here, the top can kiss the bottom’s neck, massage their shoulders, trace down their back with their fingertips, and other techniques to help them relax.
Spooning Position
In this position, the bottom is the little spoon and the top is the big spoon. Both are laying on their sides, allowing for close contact and intimacy.
To make entry easier, the bottom should place their leg on a pillow, bending their upper leg at the knee and hip. What makes this position beneficial for beginners is that it allows both partners to take charge by moving their hips forward and back when they need to. It’s also a position that allows the bottom to freely play with their genitals, either manually or with a vibrator.
Doggy
Preferred by many, no anal sex guide would be complete without Doggystyle. Part of the reason it’s so great for beginners is that it can be altered in a number of ways. For example, you can bend your knees closer together for a snugger fit. The bottom can arch their back and rest on their elbows to make things more comfortable.
Most importantly, Doggy gives both the top and bottom a lot of room to play with. If things are too intense, the top and bottom can choose shallower penetration. It also gives the bottom access to stimulate their genitals which, as previously stated, can help open things up.
Chair Straddle
This is an incredibly intimate position that combines the face-to-face contact of Missionary with the take-charge advantage of Receiver On Top. In this position the top is sitting down and the bottom sits on their lap, facing toward or away from them, whichever is your preference.
This position offers complete mobility of the hips and, if the bottom is tall enough, they can use their legs to hop up and down on the penis at a depth and pace they’re comfortable with. It also offers access to the genitals for a well-rounded access to pleasure.
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