{"id":10635,"date":"2015-04-07T16:29:42","date_gmt":"2015-04-07T08:29:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=10635"},"modified":"2026-03-07T06:08:27","modified_gmt":"2026-03-07T05:08:27","slug":"kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/","title":{"rendered":"Of Kinks and Compromise: How To Share Your Fantasies"},"content":{"rendered":"

While an overwhelming number of you report that you\u2019re comfortable talking about your desires and curiosities with your partner<\/a>, things can be a little bit harder when you\u2019re just beginning a new relationship. Whether you\u2019re interested in light spanking<\/a> or something more hardcore, the way you introduce it to you partner can make all the difference to how it\u2019s received.<\/p>\n

So how do you go about introducing a new partner to your desires and fantasies<\/a>? They\u2019re so much a part of you that sharing them can feel scary, and it\u2019s very common to be anxious of rejection. Luckily, there are some ways to take the edge off these difficult sexual conversations\u2026<\/p>\n

The Moment of Truth<\/h2>\n

So, when do you bring up your kink? This can be tricky. It might not be first date conversation material, but you can see the logical problems with waiting until you\u2019ve been dating for a few months before sharing your secret desires. You might think it works in your favor to wait until they already have strong feelings for you, but this may just spell more heartbreak for the both of you if they aren\u2019t interested in your kink. You\u2019ll have to use your judgment, but aim to bring it up at a point when you\u2019re comfortable discussing sex with each other, but before things get too<\/em> serious.<\/p>\n

In terms of the right opportunity to broach the subject, it\u2019s not a great idea to bring it up directly before or during sex. You might feel all the happy brain chemicals will make your partner more receptive to it, but it puts a lot of pressure on them to answer immediately with a yes or no. Particularly, if they don\u2019t know a lot about your particular fetish, that\u2019s quite unfair.<\/p>\n

Patience is a Virtue<\/h2>\n

Remember that no matter how you\u2019ve tried dropping hints, your partner may be surprised by the bomb you\u2019ve just dropped, and may have limited familiarity with your fetish.<\/p>\n

Let them ask questions and be patient about it. If you tell them you\u2019re into bondage and role play<\/a> and they immediately ask if you want to put them in a gimp mask, recognize that they\u2019re just looking for the mental frame of reference they might have about your kink.<\/p>\n

Put it all in Perspective<\/h2>\n

Even if your partner might not be into blindfolding and whipping you,<\/a> they\u2019re probably interested in seeing you enjoy yourself. Emphasize the way it makes you feel, and how you hope to make them feel when partaking in this kink with you. Certain aspects of Dominant\/submissive play, for example, might sound strange and un-loving to someone not acquainted to it, so you\u2019ll need to emphasize that definite enjoyment you get from it, as well as the safety and trust between partners that are intrinsic to BDSM.<\/a><\/p>\n

When one door opens\u2026<\/h2>\n

Even if the talk went well and your partner indicated they would be interested in trying it, they are probably feeling a little self conscious and nervous about trying something new, especially something that\u2019s clearly very important to you. Take it slow, and be sure to check on their comfort during and after trying it. Giving gentle direction and encouragement will go a long way to helping them get enjoyment from your kink too.<\/p>\n

\u2026Another may close<\/h2>\n

But, you also have to be understanding if they just aren\u2019t comfortable with it. This might spell sexual incompatibility or maybe not; it\u2019s really up to you as the kink-haver to decide whether you can handle a relationship where a certain itch won\u2019t get scratched. However, if it is a necessary aspect of a relationship for you, you can\u2019t use it as a means to guilt-trip your partner, or as an excuse for cheating.<\/p>\n

Conclusion<\/h2>\n

The best advice we can offer for tackling any serious relationship discussion is to be honest, and don\u2019t go into it expecting confrontation or disagreement (hey, even the most vanilla-seeming people can be full of surprises.)<\/p>\n

How have you tackled introducing your kinks and fetishes to a new partner? Reply below to let us know!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Enjoy 15% off LELO.com<\/a> with code VOLONTE15<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

While an overwhelming number of you report that you\u2019re comfortable talking about your desires and curiosities with your partner, things can be a little bit harder when you\u2019re just beginning a new relationship. Whether you\u2019re interested in light spanking or something more hardcore, the way you introduce it to you partner can make all the difference to how it\u2019s received. So how do you go about introducing a new partner to your desires and fantasies? They\u2019re so much a part […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":10637,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[918,925,924],"tags":[163,189,575],"coauthors":[947],"class_list":["post-10635","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-bdsm","category-committed","category-dating","tag-dating","tag-healthy-relationship","tag-kinky-sex"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nSharing Your Kinks & Fetishes in a New Relationship<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"New relationships are exciting, but telling them your kinks? Not so much. Learn how to introduce your fetishes to a new partner without scaring them off.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Sharing Your Kinks & Fetishes in a New Relationship\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"New relationships are exciting, but telling them your kinks? Not so much. Learn how to introduce your fetishes to a new partner without scaring them off.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Volont\u00e9\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/LELO.Official\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2015-04-07T08:29:42+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-03-07T05:08:27+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/kinkycompromise_20150407.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"660\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"330\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Donna Turner\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@Lelo_Official\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Lelo_Official\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Donna Turner\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/\",\"name\":\"Sharing Your Kinks & Fetishes in a New Relationship\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/kinkycompromise_20150407.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2015-04-07T08:29:42+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-03-07T05:08:27+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ee7d40fffc3a3ad51f9cb3b4fa664198\"},\"description\":\"New relationships are exciting, but telling them your kinks? Not so much. Learn how to introduce your fetishes to a new partner without scaring them off.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/kinkycompromise_20150407.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/kinkycompromise_20150407.jpg\",\"width\":660,\"height\":330},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Volonte\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/sex-relationships\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":3,\"name\":\"Committed Relationship\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/sex-relationships\/committed\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":4,\"name\":\"Of Kinks and Compromise: How To Share Your Fantasies\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"Volont\u00e9\",\"description\":\"A Pleasure Project by LELO\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ee7d40fffc3a3ad51f9cb3b4fa664198\",\"name\":\"Donna Turner\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/88c9866b5ee0a4d7a7adc0ab62350db0\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/2cb3d2f89a8d391b23672976d4d6586a?s=96&d=mm&r=pg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/2cb3d2f89a8d391b23672976d4d6586a?s=96&d=mm&r=pg\",\"caption\":\"Donna Turner\"},\"description\":\"Donna has been a Volont\u00e9 contributor for over a decade, researching trending sexual health topics against relevant scientific findings. She lives in San Francisco with her husband and two sons, and regularly speaks in college health classes.\",\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/author\/donnaturner\/\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/author\/donnaturner\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Sharing Your Kinks & Fetishes in a New Relationship","description":"New relationships are exciting, but telling them your kinks? Not so much. Learn how to introduce your fetishes to a new partner without scaring them off.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Sharing Your Kinks & Fetishes in a New Relationship","og_description":"New relationships are exciting, but telling them your kinks? Not so much. Learn how to introduce your fetishes to a new partner without scaring them off.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/","og_site_name":"Volont\u00e9","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/LELO.Official\/","article_published_time":"2015-04-07T08:29:42+00:00","article_modified_time":"2026-03-07T05:08:27+00:00","og_image":[{"width":660,"height":330,"url":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/kinkycompromise_20150407.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Donna Turner","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@Lelo_Official","twitter_site":"@Lelo_Official","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Donna Turner","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/","url":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/","name":"Sharing Your Kinks & Fetishes in a New Relationship","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/kinkycompromise_20150407.jpg","datePublished":"2015-04-07T08:29:42+00:00","dateModified":"2026-03-07T05:08:27+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ee7d40fffc3a3ad51f9cb3b4fa664198"},"description":"New relationships are exciting, but telling them your kinks? Not so much. Learn how to introduce your fetishes to a new partner without scaring them off.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/kinkycompromise_20150407.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/kinkycompromise_20150407.jpg","width":660,"height":330},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Volonte","item":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS","item":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/sex-relationships\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Committed Relationship","item":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/sex-relationships\/committed\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":4,"name":"Of Kinks and Compromise: How To Share Your Fantasies"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/","name":"Volont\u00e9","description":"A Pleasure Project by LELO","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/ee7d40fffc3a3ad51f9cb3b4fa664198","name":"Donna Turner","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/88c9866b5ee0a4d7a7adc0ab62350db0","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/2cb3d2f89a8d391b23672976d4d6586a?s=96&d=mm&r=pg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/2cb3d2f89a8d391b23672976d4d6586a?s=96&d=mm&r=pg","caption":"Donna Turner"},"description":"Donna has been a Volont\u00e9 contributor for over a decade, researching trending sexual health topics against relevant scientific findings. She lives in San Francisco with her husband and two sons, and regularly speaks in college health classes.","sameAs":["https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/author\/donnaturner\/"],"url":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/author\/donnaturner\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10635","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10635"}],"version-history":[{"count":25,"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10635\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":48023,"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10635\/revisions\/48023"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10637"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10635"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10635"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10635"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=10635"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}