{"id":11545,"date":"2020-06-09T14:30:47","date_gmt":"2020-06-09T12:30:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=11545"},"modified":"2020-07-29T11:11:03","modified_gmt":"2020-07-29T09:11:03","slug":"lgbtqa-exploring-bicuriosity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/lgbtqa-exploring-bicuriosity\/","title":{"rendered":"LGBTQ&A: Exploring Your Bicuriosity"},"content":{"rendered":"

We get a lot of feedback from our wonderful readers, and as June is Pride month, we are going to be tackling some of the questions we’ve received from our LELO fans in the LGBTQ community.<\/p>\n

\"Bicurious\"<\/p>\n

Q:<\/b><\/h2>\n

Dear LELO,<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been a big fan of your products and blog for a few years, but I wondered if you had some advice about something that you don\u2019t usually cover. I\u2019ve always been in relationships with women (I\u2019m a guy) but I suppose I\u2019ve always known I had something of an attraction to men as well. I\u2019m turning 50 and maybe it\u2019s a mid-life crisis but after my last (10-year) relationship ended recently, I realized this might be my last chance to explore my curiosity. The problem is, I don\u2019t really know how to go about it. I feel intimidated going to a gay bar by myself because I\u2019m not exactly as young and muscular as I used to be, plus I know most people experiment with their sexuality when they\u2019re in their 20s. Have I missed the boat?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Yours,<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Bicurious, Atlanta<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

A:<\/b><\/h2>\n

Firstly, we want to say congratulations on taking the first step on a new journey in your life! There\u2019s no time \u2018too late\u2019 to explore new loves and pleasures (in our opinion anyway.)<\/span><\/p>\n

A little about Bisexuality<\/span><\/h2>\n

Bisexuality, for some reason, seems to be slightly more complicated for people to understand that you\u2019d think. It doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re 50% attracted to men and 50% attracted to women. It means you\u2019re 100% bisexual, and can fall anywhere along that spectrum. And, as a second point, that doesn\u2019t necessarily mean you\u2019ve <\/span>had relationships<\/span><\/i> with both; merely had the attraction. This is where a lot of negativity around bisexuality seems to arise.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Although it is common for some people to come out as bisexual before they come out as gay, there are some in the community who believe\u00a0 believe that bisexuality isn\u2019t real; rather that the person claiming to be bisexual is either afraid to come out as gay, or that they are trying to be \u2018unique\u2019 or get attention, or they\u2019re simply greedy. Bisexuals, because they fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, sometimes find it hard to relate to both the straight and gay community, but luckily times are changing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, we know that bisexuality is real, but in terms of the percentage of the population is bisexual (or identify as bisexual) it is extremely hard to measure. However, you can know, if <\/span>you are bisexual, you\u2019re not alone.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Internet Explorer<\/span><\/h2>\n

Aside from looking for support online, you can also use it as a tool to meet people if you\u2019re shy about showing up at a gay bar by yourself. That doesn\u2019t have to mean looking at the MseekingM section in the classifieds, but checking out different communities that are more welcoming to the LGBTQI community, such as <\/span>Fetlife<\/span><\/a> or <\/span>Alt.com<\/span><\/a> This can be a low pressure way to talk to other people and, importantly, get comfortable with the fact that it isn\u2019t too different from any other community. Of course, the <\/span>hookup app du jour<\/span><\/a> for men seeking other men is Grindr, which allows you to chat with people before meeting up.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Do be aware that it can be a bit hook up focused, as opposed to dating. Generally, most dating sites allow you to list various sexual preferences so you can find people you\u2019re attracted to that way. Ultimately, it is up to you if you\u2019d like to test out the physical, intimate, or combination of both. Discussing your situation and boundaries upfront can save you in navigating new experiences. Which leads us to the next section\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Be Upfront<\/span><\/h2>\n

While you\u2019re interacting with new people, you should be clear about your intentions, which means figuring out what they are yourself. Are you only interested in physical experimentation or more? A date, or a relationship? That can be subject to change, of course, but you need to be honest with people beforehand. Some won\u2019t be interested in someone that\u2019s experimenting, and some will be. Some might even think you\u2019re using it as a line, and some might be eager to meet with you just because it would be your first time.<\/span><\/p>\n

Just because you\u2019re going to be going on dates with someone of the same gender doesn\u2019t mean that it\u2019s going to be wildly different than the dating you\u2019ve done before; you can trust your judgement when chatting with people to know if they\u2019re on the up and up. And don\u2019t be tempted to act differently from how you usually would just because you and the person opposite have genitalia in common.<\/span><\/p>\n

Phone a Friend<\/span><\/h2>\n

Everyone\u2019s situation is different, and some people live in less tolerant places than others, but the most recent polls put over half of the American public in <\/span>support of marriage equality<\/span><\/a>. Still, you may feel like there\u2019s no way any of your friends would understand, or that you shouldn\u2019t share it with anyone unless you\u2019re \u2018sure,\u2019 but people, especially your closest friends can surprise you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It will likely spark some questions (\u2018when did you know?\u2019 \u2018Are you in love with me?\u2019) but the point is to have someone you can discuss this with, for heavy conversations, and even just sharing when you\u2019ve met someone you like or want to laugh about a terrible date you had.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If you\u2019re ready to tell your social circles, remember to allow them time to process. This was just as new to you at some point as it will be to them. It\u2019s always good to prepare for the worst in case things don\u2019t go as planned, but again, ultimately you know the right decision for you and the people around you.<\/span><\/p>\n

Brush Up<\/span><\/h2>\n

You\u2019re never too old for love and exploration, but when was the last time you brushed up on correct sexual health practices? Anyone who has been out of the dating game for a while can forget about the basic practices that keep us happy and healthy.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

That means going and getting an STI check <\/span>before<\/span><\/i> you go start having sex with new people (because some STIs can remain symptomless) and using a <\/span>barrier protection method during sex<\/span><\/a>. That goes for guys and ladies both! Your sexual health checkups are no different than your other annual checkups, especially because they can directly affect other people! Even if something comes up positive, it\u2019s not always a big deal. Take care of it and continue on with your sexual exploration.<\/span><\/p>\n

Communicate<\/span><\/h2>\n

If you\u2019re concerned about doing something wrong or not knowing what to expect, that\u2019s part of the reason why being upfront about your inexperience helps you. As much as some people won\u2019t be interested in you if you\u2019re looking to experiment at an older age, there will be a ton of people who are interested in taking you under their wing, so to speak.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Remember, the people that you\u2019re meeting have also been in your shoes! Let people know it\u2019s your first time, and any good lover will offer direction for what they enjoy.<\/span><\/p>\n

Go With the Flow<\/span><\/h2>\n

Our sexual identities and interests can change and adapt to new experiences, so it\u2019s possible you might end up somewhere that you didn\u2019t expect when first set out.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve had any sort of long-held fantasy that you haven\u2019t been able to experience before, it\u2019s easy to build it up in your mind. The fact is, maybe once you do get a chance to fulfill it, it just might not be as life changing as you think it will be. And that\u2019s fine! It won\u2019t ever be <\/span>exactly<\/span><\/i> as you imagine it will be, but that doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t enjoy it (or not enjoy it) for what it is. And hey, maybe you just won\u2019t know until you try.<\/span><\/p>\n

Good luck, and let us know how you fare!<\/span><\/p>\n

[related_article id=”4671″ size=”full” target=”_blank”]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We get a lot of feedback from our wonderful readers, and as June is Pride month, we are going to be tackling some of the questions we’ve received from our LELO fans in the LGBTQ community. Q: Dear LELO, I\u2019ve been a big fan of your products and blog for a few years, but I wondered if you had some advice about something that you don\u2019t usually cover. I\u2019ve always been in relationships with women (I\u2019m a guy) but I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":44,"featured_media":11546,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[925,924,929,923],"tags":[531,163,505,764],"coauthors":[],"class_list":["post-11545","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-committed","category-dating","category-sexual-wellness","category-single","tag-advice","tag-dating","tag-first-experience","tag-lgbtq"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nAdvice for Exploring Your Same-Sex Attraction Later in Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What is bisexuality? How can I explore my bisexuality? Is bisexuality normal? 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