{"id":13977,"date":"2019-11-13T13:00:29","date_gmt":"2019-11-13T12:00:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=13977"},"modified":"2024-09-25T19:14:29","modified_gmt":"2024-09-25T17:14:29","slug":"mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/","title":{"rendered":"Sex Mistakes You\u2019re Probably Making (And How To Avoid Them)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Just a simple disclaimer before we get started here: this is not a list of <\/span>the best blowjob techniques<\/span><\/a> or nifty <\/span>new sex positions to try<\/span><\/a> (although if that\u2019s what you want, you will definitely find what you\u2019re looking for on this very blog). What we\u2019re covering in today\u2019s article is all the things that you \u2013 yes you, dear reader \u2013 might be overlooking in the bedroom.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, this isn\u2019t an attack. We all are guilty of at least some, if not all of these sexual faux pas at one time or another. What\u2019s key to overcoming it however is acknowledging that they\u2019re even a problem in the first place. If any of the below points apply to you, how about a bit of introspection as well as a bit of advice to help you be the mindful lover your partner deserves.<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Not Being Clear<\/h3>\n

When it comes to sex, we all get caught up in our presuppositions of what we think other people are thinking and expecting from us. This can manifest itself in unintended consequences, like the outcome of not telling a new partner what sort of encounter we are truly interested in having, or not letting them know what feels good in bed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Clear and open communication<\/span><\/a> is the best way to avoid misunderstandings, in sex as it is in our normal everyday lives. A lack of communication is one of the biggest barriers to a fulfilling sensual experience. However, many of us still aren\u2019t being <\/span>perfectly clear with our partners<\/span>, out of embarrassment or the vulnerability that comes with expressing what we want. Sure, you might turn some people off with your honesty, but those aren\u2019t the people who were going to be right for you anyway.<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Not Taking Control<\/h3>\n

No two people are made alike, and everyone\u2019s sexual anatomy is different. Of course, nobody knows your unique sexual responses like you do, in terms of your personal 3 P\u2019s of pleasure: pressure, pace and place. You cannot assume that your partner knows how you like to be touched and stimulated, so taking control is required in order to let your partner know how you need to be touched and teased.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Expecting Your Partner To Do All the Work<\/h3>\n

See #2. Your orgasm, in no small part, is your own responsibility. Your partner is there to help you along, but by no means is your climax totally on them. Take control of your own pleasure!<\/span><\/p>\n

4. Lacking Confidence<\/h3>\n

It\u2019s true that we\u2019ve all got out hang-ups when it comes to our own body image and our sexual self-esteem. Sometimes we point them out to our partners in a sort of anticipation to dull some kind of blow to our own self-image we think might be coming. Don\u2019t do this.<\/span><\/p>\n

Vocalizing these hang-ups to partners, specifically at a time when you are trying to feel sexy, empowers the issue to distract yourself from how desirable you actually are to them. Of course, your partner would not be in bed with you unless they found you irresistibly sexy as you are, so own it and enjoy yourself!<\/span><\/p>\n

5. Not Being Vocal<\/h3>\n

A loudly faked orgasm<\/a> brings to mind a porno film with particularly bad acting, however keeping completely silent during lovemaking can be even more uninspiring.<\/span><\/p>\n

Moaning, groaning<\/a> \u2013 maybe a little yelp here or there \u2013 is an encouragement to your partner that they\u2019re doing what you like. Not only does it guide them to please you better, but also turn them on even more!<\/span><\/p>\n

6. Not Giving Yourself To the Moment<\/h3>\n

Try as we might, eliminating every single distraction from sex is a tall order. Whether you\u2019re stressing about a current work project or wishing our neighbor would stop running their loud lawnmower, truly enjoying the sex your having means that you\u2019ve got to be focused on the sex you\u2019re, y\u2019know, having.<\/span><\/p>\n

Of course, you can\u2019t turn off your brain, BUT you can try to redirect it. Think instead about all of the sensations you\u2019re feeling on your body. Doing so will keep you mentally present and focused on the stimulation that is going on around you, and hey presto! You\u2019ve just successfully hacked your own brain.<\/span><\/p>\n

7. Thinking There\u2019s a \u2018Right Way\u2019 To Have Sex<\/h3>\n

Yes, you\u2019ve found this advice article on a blog that\u2019s full of posts about <\/span>how to turn your partner on<\/span><\/a> or the <\/span>best ways to perform cunnilingus<\/span><\/a>, but these are just bits of friendly advice, not a silver bullet to pleasing your partner. When it comes to sex and pleasure, there\u2019s no defined sequence of events \u2013 or even practices \u2013 that make the idea of \u2018good sex\u2019 the same for everyone.<\/span><\/p>\n

Instead of spending some much energy finding the \u2018right way\u2019 to have sex, focus on the qualities of connection and touch that come with being intimate. Make the priority on closeness, which bring us to our next point:<\/span><\/p>\n

8. Thinking that Orgasm Is the Goal<\/h3>\n

If reaching orgasm were the whole point of lovemaking, then coming too fast would make you very skilled at sex indeed! Having an orgasm is just one part of the entire pleasure process. Be sure to make room in your sexual experience for all of the other joys it offers, like the <\/span>pleasure that can be had from foreplay<\/span><\/a> as well as building a deep connection with a partner.<\/span><\/p>\n

Discover pleasure with:<\/strong><\/p>\n

[carousel_slide id=’43517′]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Just a simple disclaimer before we get started here: this is not a list of the best blowjob techniques or nifty new sex positions to try (although if that\u2019s what you want, you will definitely find what you\u2019re looking for on this very blog). What we\u2019re covering in today\u2019s article is all the things that you \u2013 yes you, dear reader \u2013 might be overlooking in the bedroom. Now, this isn\u2019t an attack. We all are guilty of at least […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":101,"featured_media":13983,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[925,924,923],"tags":[525,537,189],"coauthors":[951],"class_list":["post-13977","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-committed","category-dating","category-single","tag-better-sex","tag-couples","tag-healthy-relationship"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nCommon Bedroom Mistakes We All Make<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Nobody\u2019s perfect, right? This is even trues for the bedroom. Do you make some of these common mistakes while having sex?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Mistakes We All Make in Bed\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What are some of the biggest (and most common) hurdles when it comes to truly fulfilling sex? We address the mistakes we all make and how to avoid them.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Volont\u00e9\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/LELO.Official\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-11-13T12:00:29+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-09-25T17:14:29+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Mistakes-We-Make-in-Bed.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"660\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"330\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Colin Hanna\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@Lelo_Official\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Lelo_Official\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Colin Hanna\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/\",\"name\":\"Common Bedroom Mistakes We All Make\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Mistakes-We-Make-in-Bed.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2019-11-13T12:00:29+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-09-25T17:14:29+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/b05ae92fa221c5498138edf9f7df8049\"},\"description\":\"Nobody\u2019s perfect, right? This is even trues for the bedroom. Do you make some of these common mistakes while having sex?\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Mistakes-We-Make-in-Bed.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Mistakes-We-Make-in-Bed.jpg\",\"width\":660,\"height\":330,\"caption\":\"Mistakes We Make in Bed\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Volonte\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/sex-relationships\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":3,\"name\":\"Dating\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/sex-relationships\/dating\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":4,\"name\":\"Sex Mistakes You\u2019re Probably Making (And How To Avoid Them)\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"Volont\u00e9\",\"description\":\"A Pleasure Project by LELO\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/b05ae92fa221c5498138edf9f7df8049\",\"name\":\"Colin Hanna\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/863ce64b190c439bab99ee7782e465de\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/b5914c5837214be7ddcb31d356673c57?s=96&d=mm&r=pg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/b5914c5837214be7ddcb31d356673c57?s=96&d=mm&r=pg\",\"caption\":\"Colin Hanna\"},\"description\":\"Colin Hanna is a Volont\u00e9 contributor and freelance writer who lives in Shanghai, China with his wife. He's written extensively about sex and human sexuality for LELO since 2010.\",\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/author\/colin\/\",\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/colinphanna\/\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/author\/colin\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Common Bedroom Mistakes We All Make","description":"Nobody\u2019s perfect, right? This is even trues for the bedroom. Do you make some of these common mistakes while having sex?","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Mistakes We All Make in Bed","og_description":"What are some of the biggest (and most common) hurdles when it comes to truly fulfilling sex? We address the mistakes we all make and how to avoid them.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/","og_site_name":"Volont\u00e9","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/LELO.Official\/","article_published_time":"2019-11-13T12:00:29+00:00","article_modified_time":"2024-09-25T17:14:29+00:00","og_image":[{"width":660,"height":330,"url":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Mistakes-We-Make-in-Bed.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Colin Hanna","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@Lelo_Official","twitter_site":"@Lelo_Official","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Colin Hanna","Est. reading time":"5 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/","url":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/","name":"Common Bedroom Mistakes We All Make","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Mistakes-We-Make-in-Bed.jpg","datePublished":"2019-11-13T12:00:29+00:00","dateModified":"2024-09-25T17:14:29+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/b05ae92fa221c5498138edf9f7df8049"},"description":"Nobody\u2019s perfect, right? This is even trues for the bedroom. Do you make some of these common mistakes while having sex?","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Mistakes-We-Make-in-Bed.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Mistakes-We-Make-in-Bed.jpg","width":660,"height":330,"caption":"Mistakes We Make in Bed"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/mistakes-we-all-make-in-bed-and-how-to-avoid-them\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Volonte","item":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS","item":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/sex-relationships\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Dating","item":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/sex-relationships\/dating\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":4,"name":"Sex Mistakes You\u2019re Probably Making (And How To Avoid Them)"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/","name":"Volont\u00e9","description":"A Pleasure Project by LELO","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/b05ae92fa221c5498138edf9f7df8049","name":"Colin Hanna","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/863ce64b190c439bab99ee7782e465de","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/b5914c5837214be7ddcb31d356673c57?s=96&d=mm&r=pg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/b5914c5837214be7ddcb31d356673c57?s=96&d=mm&r=pg","caption":"Colin Hanna"},"description":"Colin Hanna is a Volont\u00e9 contributor and freelance writer who lives in Shanghai, China with his wife. He's written extensively about sex and human sexuality for LELO since 2010.","sameAs":["https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/author\/colin\/","https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/colinphanna\/"],"url":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/author\/colin\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13977","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/101"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13977"}],"version-history":[{"count":20,"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13977\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":43775,"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13977\/revisions\/43775"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13983"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13977"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13977"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13977"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=13977"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}