{"id":16637,"date":"2019-11-14T01:00:11","date_gmt":"2019-11-14T00:00:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=16637"},"modified":"2026-02-19T06:14:35","modified_gmt":"2026-02-19T05:14:35","slug":"light-dark-kinky-vanilla-suggestions-add-bdsm-to-the-bedroom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/light-dark-kinky-vanilla-suggestions-add-bdsm-to-the-bedroom\/","title":{"rendered":"Kinky and Vanilla BDSM Ideas To Add to the Bedroom"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"max-width: 765px;\">\n<div><strong>Listen to this article:<\/strong><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div style=\"left: 0; width: 100%; height: 102px; position: relative;\"><iframe style=\"top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; position: absolute; border: 0;\" src=\"https:\/\/anchor.fm\/lelo422\/embed\/episodes\/Kinky-and-Vanilla-BDSM-Ideas-To-Add-to-the-Bedroom-e2r37fi\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/author\/lauriemintz\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"doctor-banner alignnone wp-image-47728 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/laurie-mintz-doctor-review-banner-white.jpg\" alt=\"lelo laurie mintz doctor review\" width=\"270\" height=\"90\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Everyone has their own comfort zone. And when it comes to BDSM, some believe it to be intimidating, <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">rough<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and perhaps even unpleasant. On the other hand, there are people who find the whole thing entirely intriguing or even extremely exciting.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, instead of offering hardcore BDSM tips that may make the more vanilla solo or couple feel completely out of their depth, we have a few cheeky suggestions that\u2019ll add only a sprinkle of spice to an already-piping hot sex life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And for those looking to go harder, we\u2019ve got you covered too! Here, you\u2019ll learn about how to enhance your BDSM experience by taking it to the next, more extreme, level.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Below, you\u2019ll find a list of four BDSM acts that can be done in such a way that it aligns with your kinks, interests, and intrigues. It\u2019s time to <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">enjoy the sheer joy of BDSM<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, no matter how vanilla or kinky you are!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Before we begin however, here\u2019s a little glossary introducing you to the things you\u2019ll learn about today:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>BDSM:<\/b> <b>Bondage<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (a sexual practice of being tied up or restrained), <\/span><b>Discipline<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (following a set of rules given by a dominant or creating a set of rules for a submissive to follow), <\/span><b>Sadism<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (the enjoyment of giving pain), and <\/span><b>Masochism<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (the enjoyment of receiving pain)<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-26892\" src=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/BDSM-Acronym-Meaning.jpg\" alt=\"BDSM meaning\" width=\"292\" height=\"158\" \/><\/p>\n<p><b>Erotic Sexual Denial (<\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/edging-what-is-it-and-how-can-i-do-it\/\"><b>Edging<\/b><\/a><b>):<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Keeping someone in a heightened state of sexual arousal for a prolonged period of time and\/or not allowing one to orgasm to develop sexual tension.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/inside-the-fascinating-world-of-flogging\/\">Flogging<\/a>:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Using a device, such as a whip or flogger, to hit someone\u2019s body to create arousal. Oftentimes, it is used as punishment.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dominance &amp; Submission<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In order for this dynamic work, one partner will have to assume the role of dominant, and the other, the role of submissive. At the same time however, a couple may both identify as a \u2018switch\u2019 in which case they enjoy being the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/role-call-what-are-different-kinds-dominants-submissives\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">dominant and the submissive<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> equally, thus taking turns.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Add Dominance &amp; Submission into Play Time\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">First off, talking with your partner beforehand would be extremely beneficial, as you can then discuss your individual roles, your interests, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/deciding-hard-limits-safe-words\/\">limits<\/a>, and anything else that you feel is important.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For some, it takes a bit of experimenting to decide whether they\u2019re more dominant or submissive. Once your roles have been established, you can start playing around with a few activities.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Surprisingly, you may have already added a few BDSM aspects into your bedroom without even knowing it! This could be when one partner pins the other down, bites or scratches skin, or pulls their partner\u2019s hair.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It can also <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/explore-sexual-role-playing\/\">include role playing<\/a> where one person is more authoritative than the other (such as teacher and student).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">These fun BDSM activities are a gentle way of experimenting and will allow you to enter the fascinating world of dominance and submission.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Intensify Dominance &amp; Submission During Play Time<\/span><\/h3>\n<p>For experienced doms and subs, there are so many new things you can bring into your playtime.<\/p>\n<p>Consider resistance play, which involves one partner &#8220;resisting&#8221; another partner&#8217;s sexual advances. This may go as far as the dominant partner pretending to force the submissive partner to have sex. Studies show that between about 33 and 66 percent of women have had a fantasy about being forced to have sex.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s really important to note, however, that having this type of fantasy or being curious about acting out a rape scene during resistance play doesn\u2019t mean that the person actually wants to be raped. experience unwanted sexual \u00a0\u00a0Indeed, quite the contrary\u2014resistance play requires a trusted partner and clear boundaries (e.g., safe word to stop the play) established beforehand.<\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Bondage<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/basics-bondage-beginners\/\">Bondage<\/a> can be a light-hearted and playful way in which to tease a partner, or it can be used to reinforce strict rules and maintain dominance. In fact, for the more serious bondage players, a body that is bound can be seen as a beautiful work of art. But we all have to start somewhere\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Add Bondage into Play Time<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many people have <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/get-tied-down-an-illustrated-guide-to-the-top-5-handcuffed-sex-positions\/\">experimented with handcuffs<\/a> that are almost synonymous with bachelorette parties. And this is actually a good way of finding out if you might be interested in the world of bondage. Sadly, these handcuffs are usually quite flimsy and don\u2019t really offer much value to your playtime.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you\u2019re serious about giving bondage a try, we suggest using neckties or <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/sutra-chainlink-cuffs-review\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">SUTRA Chainlink Cuffs<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> around the wrists or ankles. They\u2019re made of soft material making them less intimidating, and they allow for more flexibility.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Intensify Bondage During Play Time<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Want to be stretched to your limits? The X-body positioning of being tied at both wrists and ankles across a bed can be turned up a notch with the addition of a spreader bar.\u00a0 This is a rigid piece of equipment with cuffs for both legs on either end so that when someone is wearing it, they are unable to close their legs.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Alternatively\u2015and with safe words and time limits negotiated firmly beforehand\u2015bondage can be used to put the bound partner in a slightly more uncomfortable position with multiple ties.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Advanced bondage practitioners often pick up shibari, which is a type of Japanese rope bondage that definitely has a learning curve, but can be used to make full-body bounds or even a wearable harness (with practice).<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Erotic Sexual Denial<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is also known as \u2018orgasm denial\u2019 or \u2018orgasm control\u2019 and is when a person is kept in an intense state of arousal for a prolonged period of time. In this way, one person has full control over their partner\u2019s orgasm.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Add Erotic Sexual Denial into Play Time<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Engaging in sexual denial can actually be a very fulfilling experience, and is a way to build up sexual suspense and create an even bigger and better orgasm.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For beginners and more vanilla players, couples could indulge in their own version of edging. That is, maintaining their partner\u2019s sexual arousal for a period of time (without climax).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But in this case, encouraging a partner to orgasm after time is a kinder and milder way in which to experiment with this kind of practice. If both partners have enjoyed this, you could move onto orgasm denial, or even stimulation deprivation.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Intensify Erotic Sexual Denial During Play Time<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you\u2019ve tried (and enjoyed) sexual denial, take a journey through the wild world of absolute genital <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">stimulation deprivation<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. An example of this would be to use a chastity device.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A chastity device is used in BDSM practices in order to enhance orgasm control, and prevents the wearer (the sub) from engaging in sexual intercourse or self-pleasure.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The person who holds the key to the chastity device (the dom) is then responsible for the wearer\u2019s orgasm, giving the dom full control over their sub\u2019s pleasure. The dominant is thus the only person who can give the wearer permission to be pleasured or to pleasure (to the point of climax).<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A chastity device can be worn by both men and women, and can be used only during play time or for prolonged periods of time.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Spanking &amp; Flogging<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This fun activity can be altered immensely, making it the perfect little addition to playtime for beginners and more advanced BDSM players.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/lelo-explains-adult-spanking\/\">light spanking<\/a> or being flogged is the erotic act of slapping\/placing impact on one\u2019s body. Generally, the buttocks is the best place to start for beginners\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Add Spanking into Play Time<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you\u2019ve never given someone a cheeky slap on the behind, now\u2019s the perfect time. And you can do so easily whilst in a number of different positions.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Unless you\u2019ve pre-discussed trying this in the bedroom, the best way to start off would be to lightly massage your partner\u2019s butt, giving it gentle caresses. Then add in a pinch or two, to gauge the reaction. If you find your partner to be into it, go ahead and give them a light spanking or two.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If all of this is well-received, and you feel comfortable doing so, why not couple it <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/talk-way-dirty-talking-tips\/\">with some dirty talk<\/a>, such as, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cWho\u2019s been a bad girl\/boy?\u201d<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> or <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cDo you like it when I spank you?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Intensify Spanking &amp; Flogging During Play Time<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you\u2019re more advanced when it comes to BDSM and impact play, <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/inside-the-fascinating-world-of-flogging\/\">flogging can definitely be an erotic addition to play time<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Try to experiment with new types of floggers, such as ones made of rubber, rope, leather, horsehair, PVC, nylon, or chains. Rubber and horsehair floggers are great for those who enjoy a more stinging sensation, while leather is prone to cause bruising, and nylon which causes both a stinging and a thud sensation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">These materials are geared more towards experienced floggers due to how strong the impact can be. Not only that, but it takes a certain technique to use these types of floggers, and for that reason, should not be <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">used by beginners<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> who haven\u2019t had any practice.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>If you&#8217;re looking for a flogger that works well for beginners and pros alike, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/sensua-suede-whip-review\/\">suede floggers are the best choice<\/a>. They leave an erotic and sensual feel while producing a sound that&#8217;s sure to awaken your senses.<\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Closing: The Importance of Aftercare<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you\u2019re new to the world of BDSM, you may not be familiar with the notion of aftercare. But this is actually a very important activity practiced by those who engage and live the lifestyle. It\u2019s something to take note of as a means to keeping both parties emotionally, physically, and mentally safe and secure.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/bdsm-beginners-aftercare\/\">Aftercare is what happens after play time<\/a>, and is a time for partners to kiss, cuddle, caress and\/or discuss how they both feel.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While some acts such as hard spanking\/flogging generally need more aftercare, like applying lotion to the skin, emotional aftercare is just as important and enough time should be spent to nurture partners.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Aftercare that incorporates communication is good for everyone involved<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, as it has the ability to bring two people closer, and does away with any potential misunderstandings about the scene that preceded it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In short, it\u2019s a way of showing kindness and sensuality in such a way that both partners know they\u2019re important and respected. With that, both can walk away feeling satisfied and not discarded or used.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now it\u2019s time for some practice education! If any of these BDSM acts have intrigued you, go ahead and give them a try. You may just love it!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><em>*In this article, we are using the words sex and intercourse as synonymous, as is done in popular culture in general. However, we\u2019d also like to acknowledge that most women don\u2019t orgasm from intercourse alone and need some type of clitoral stimulation, either alone or coupled with penetration.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>See also:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/bdsm-for-beginners-guide\/\">BDSM Guide for Beginners<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/terms-of-entantanglement-bdsm-kink-glossary\/\">Most Common BDSM Terms<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/bdsm-beginners-aftercare\/\">What Is BDSM Aftercare?<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Listen to this article: Everyone has their own comfort zone. And when it comes to BDSM, some believe it to be intimidating, rough, and perhaps even unpleasant. On the other hand, there are people who find the whole thing entirely intriguing or even extremely exciting. So, instead of offering hardcore BDSM tips that may make the more vanilla solo or couple feel completely out of their depth, we have a few cheeky suggestions that\u2019ll add only a sprinkle of spice [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":115,"featured_media":16640,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[918],"tags":[1215,347,909],"coauthors":[948,943],"class_list":["post-16637","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-bdsm","tag-audio-article","tag-bdsm","tag-fact-checked-by-doctor"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.8.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Add BDSM to the Bedroom? Kinky and Vanilla Suggestions<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do most articles on kink seem too safe, or too extreme? Here&#039;s how to add elements of BDSM to your bedroom no matter where you are on the kinkster scale.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/light-dark-kinky-vanilla-suggestions-add-bdsm-to-the-bedroom\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Light &amp; Dark: Kinky and Vanilla Suggestions to Add BDSM to the Bedroom\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Do most articles on kink seem too safe, or too extreme? Here&#039;s how to add elements of BDSM to your bedroom no matter where you are on the kinkster scale.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/light-dark-kinky-vanilla-suggestions-add-bdsm-to-the-bedroom\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Volont\u00e9\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/LELO.Official\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-11-14T00:00:11+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-02-19T05:14:35+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/Light-Dark-Kinky-and-Vanilla-Suggestions-to-Add-BDSM-to-the-Bedroom.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"660\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"330\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Helena Lorimer, Dr. Laurie Mintz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@Lelo_Official\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Lelo_Official\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Helena Lorimer, Dr. Laurie Mintz\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"9 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/light-dark-kinky-vanilla-suggestions-add-bdsm-to-the-bedroom\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/light-dark-kinky-vanilla-suggestions-add-bdsm-to-the-bedroom\/\",\"name\":\"How to Add BDSM to the Bedroom? 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