{"id":17255,"date":"2017-03-15T10:23:26","date_gmt":"2017-03-15T10:23:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=17255"},"modified":"2024-07-01T16:56:41","modified_gmt":"2024-07-01T14:56:41","slug":"outrageous-irresponsible-and-criminal-non-consensual-sex-at-a-cinema-near-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/outrageous-irresponsible-and-criminal-non-consensual-sex-at-a-cinema-near-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Outrageous, Irresponsible, and Criminal: Non-Consensual Sex at a Cinema Near You"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"BodyA\">\u00a0With only a handful of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/unsure-about-consent-heres-a-hollywood-101\/\">laudable exceptions<\/a>, issues of consent tend to get woefully shortchanged when it comes to sex on the silver screen. Think presumably telepathic characters, seamlessly falling into each other\u2019s beds and arms, with nary a whisper of \u2018<i>Hey, do you want to\u2026<\/i>\u2019 between them.<\/p>\n<p class=\"BodyA\">Depending on what levels of responsibility you think movies should be taking \u2015 particularly with regard to their target audiences \u2015 that\u2019s bad enough. But it turns out you don\u2019t have to look too far for glaring instances of not just skipping consent, but out and out harassment, assault, and rape.<\/p>\n<p class=\"BodyA\">Spanning genders and genres, here are Hollywood\u2019s most reprehensible\u2026<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"BodyA\" style=\"text-align: center;\">1. 40 Days and 40 Nights<b><\/b><\/h2>\n<p><iframe src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/WmeaAGe4uMo\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p class=\"BodyA\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/consent\/\">Consent is about respecting<\/a> and protecting the mental and physical well-being of <i>both<\/i> parties in a hookup or relationship situation. And yet, when it comes to hetero twosomes, much of the messaging and education out there is pitched solely at guys.<\/p>\n<p class=\"BodyA\">Yes, we do understand why that is \u2015 but enthusiastic consent applies to <i>everyone<\/i>, regardless of gender. That\u2019s what makes rom com (yep, this is meant to be funny folks) \u2019<i>40 Days and 40 Nights<\/i>\u2019 so very, very wrong. The premise is this: Matt pledges to abstain from sex (and masturbation) for Lent as a way to get over his ex. When said former flame gets wind of the bets being placed by Matt\u2019s friends and colleagues as to whether he\u2019ll maintain his celibacy, she rapes him while he\u2019s asleep.<\/p>\n<p class=\"BodyA\"><strong>Takeaway:<\/strong> Sex with anyone without consent is rape. Guy-wise, an erection does not mean consent.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"BodyA\" style=\"text-align: center;\">2. Grease<\/h2>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em><strong>\u201cDanny, get off me!\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p><iframe src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/wsQJVAzezrc\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>We can be pretty selective when it comes to calling out consent issues of yesteryear. From flimsy excuses (\u201cOh, but things were just <em>different<\/em> then\u201d), to the outright romanticization of harassment and assault, we routinely let older movies off the hook.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>But when one such film inexplicably becomes the go-to choice for high school productions, it warrants a more critical approach. It\u2019s not just that throwaway \u201c<em>Did she put up a fight<\/em>\u201d line, it\u2019s the normalization of harassment throughout the movie.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>There\u2019s Putzie hiding in the bleachers to look up girls\u2019 skirts, then there\u2019s the male student exposing Patty\u2019s underwear in the televised dance off. But it\u2019s Danny groping Sandy despite her saying NO on their date that takes the biscuit. That, Danny Zuko, is why you\u2019re alone at the drive-in.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Takeaway<\/strong>: No one deserves to be harassed, no matter what may or may not have happened on that summer night.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\">3. 50 Shades of Grey<\/h2>\n<p><iframe src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/IWjPXaM20kY\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Oh my, where to begin? <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/\">&#8216;<em>50 Shades of Grey<\/em>\u2019 is all kinds of problematic<\/a>, but there\u2019s one glaring misconception it trumpets to singularly irresponsible ends: BDSM relationships.<\/p>\n<p>Whether it\u2019s occasional role-play or a lifestyle, the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/importance-trust-bdsm\/\">Dom\/sub\u00a0bond is built on trust<\/a> that goes way deeper than simply having a safe word; it\u2019s about respect, and ensuring the mental and physical well-being of both partners. It\u2019s not bullying and fear, it\u2019s not undermining or cajoling, and it\u2019s definitely not stalking.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/deciding-hard-limits-safe-words\/\">BDSM is deeply rooted in consent<\/a>, every single step of the way. Responsible practitioners<a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kinks-compromise-sharing-fantasies\/\"> discuss their fantasies and fetishes<\/a>; they establish their physical and psychological limitations; they tend to partners\u2019 bodily or emotional needs with empathy. All of which, frankly, should make remembering to ask for <em>enthusiastic<\/em> consent seem pretty easy. It also casts Christian\u2019s treatment of Ana in a distinctly troubling light that feels more like abuse of power than it does love and respect.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Takeaway:<\/strong> BDSM is about more than a safe word and a sexed-up contract; it&#8217;s a continuous conversation between consenting (read: informed) partners.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\">4. Superbad<\/h2>\n<p class=\"BodyA\"><strong><i>\u201cYou know when you hear girls say &#8216;Ah man, I was so sh*t-faced last night, I shouldn&#8217;t have f***ed that guy?&#8217; We could be that mistake!\u201d<\/i><\/strong><i><\/i><\/p>\n<p><iframe src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/2nHAFRc8NlE\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p class=\"BodyA\">When it comes to social lubricants, alcohol rates pretty high. Nothing wrong with that. But using booze as a segue to sex presents some <i>serious<\/i> pitfalls consent-wise. That\u2019s precisely the crux of this 2007 comedy: will our hapless heroes succeed in getting Jules and Shirley sufficiently trashed to actually have sex with them? Will the teenaged charmers realize their dream and become a <i>mi<\/i><i>s<\/i><i>take<\/i>?<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p class=\"BodyA\">Well, spoiler alert: no. But hinging the plot of an entire <i>comedy<\/i> on what sounds a lot like premeditated rape is, well, just not funny.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p class=\"BodyA\">Had the movie ended with a clear indictment of this \u00a0type of thinking, maybe it could have avoided being on this list, but that clearly\u00a0someone thought that might have gotten in the way of comedy.<\/p>\n<p class=\"BodyA\"><strong>Takeaway:<\/strong> Having sex with someone you know to be too far gone to be in control of their judgement is rape. Oh, and being drunk doesn\u2019t make unsolicited advances in any way funny.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"BodyA\" style=\"text-align: center;\">5. Passengers<b><\/b><\/h2>\n<p class=\"BodyA\" style=\"text-align: center;\">\u00a0<i>\u201cHe stole my life\u2026 It amounts to murder!\u201d<\/i><i><\/i><\/p>\n<p><iframe src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/PfY1DkaWM3U\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>A two-hour long metaphor for rape culture if ever there was one, on paper <em>Passengers<\/em>\u00a0has the potential to be a meaty\u2015if uneasy\u2015lens for considering consent.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>But it drops the ball in the most distasteful of ways: by romanticizing what\u2019s essentially a predatory tale of stalking, Stockholm Syndrome and deceit.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>It\u2019s a serious letdown, particularly as Jim\u2019s ethical conundrum is so genuinely compelling: having woken 90 years too early from a suspended animation pod, he finds himself all alone on a luxe spaceship somewhere between Earth and new planet, Homestead II.<\/p>\n<p>With only an android barman for company, he does what any desperate space migrant might consider: he wakes a fellow passenger from hibernation. But despite the presence of scientists, engineers, doctors &#8211; basically any number of <em>maybe<\/em> would-be collaborators who <em>might<\/em> have the technical know-how to save the day, he picks a\u00a0writer named Aurora.<\/p>\n<p>Why? Because he\u2019s fallen in love with her, wants an amorous relationship with her, and feels that he\u2019s entitled to that. As if waking Aurora, thereby depriving her of her own agency wasn\u2019t bad enough, he then successfully tricks her into embarking on a romance with him. Ugh.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Takeaway:<\/strong> Manipulating someone into having sex with you is never ever OK. Same rules apply in outer space.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u00a0With only a handful of laudable exceptions, issues of consent tend to get woefully shortchanged when it comes to sex on the silver screen. Think presumably telepathic characters, seamlessly falling into each other\u2019s beds and arms, with nary a whisper of \u2018Hey, do you want to\u2026\u2019 between them. Depending on what levels of responsibility you think movies should be taking \u2015 particularly with regard to their target audiences \u2015 that\u2019s bad enough. But it turns out you don\u2019t have to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":17256,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[862,185],"coauthors":[947],"class_list":["post-17255","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sexual-health","tag-consent","tag-movie"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.8.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Want a Consent Definition? 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