{"id":17587,"date":"2017-06-02T06:13:18","date_gmt":"2017-06-02T06:13:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=17587"},"modified":"2024-07-01T17:49:41","modified_gmt":"2024-07-01T15:49:41","slug":"how-to-apply-the-80-20-principle-to-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/how-to-apply-the-80-20-principle-to-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Apply the 80\/20 Principle to Your Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

Holding out for the perfect relationship? You\u2019ll be waiting a long time, says Emma Sayle, a keen advocate of the 80\/20 relationship rule<\/p>\n

When you wake from the post-coital early day trance and realize that your new partner is actually a mere mortal, the reality can be a little disheartening.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s moody in the mornings, messy in the evenings and \u2013 what\u2019s this? – he\u2019s online but hasn\u2019t read your cute message yet?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The truth is that\u00a0long-term relationships<\/a> are a familiar mix of love, sex, and bickering with boring bits in between. And when you hit that stage you have to get smart to save your sanity. Step in the 80\/20 rule, the current relationship commandment du jour that actually makes sense.
\nThe 80\/20 rule, often applied to food, finances and fitness, states that one person cannot meet 100 percent of the others\u2019 needs all of the time and as long as 80 percent is sparkling, it\u2019s OK for 20 percent to be, you know, fine.<\/p>\n

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff<\/h2>\n

Whoever came up with the expression \u2018don\u2019t sweat the small stuff\u2019 actually meant don\u2019t sweat the very specific 20 per cent.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I\u2019ve long applied this principle to my relationships and use it when advising friends who aren\u2019t happy. If the bad starts rising from 20 percent then walk – but make sure you know what bad looks like. A lot of the time, the bad is nothing more than peripheral white noise niggles that aren\u2019t particularly important.<\/p>\n

For some, it may be more important stuff that they are going to have to have to swallow if they want to be with that individual. But if any of this seeps into 30 percent \u2013 and stays there \u2013 then your happiness is going to be undermined and no partner is worth that sacrifice. You can\u2019t expect people’s fundamental personality traits to change and you certainly can’t change them.<\/p>\n

Lines will, of course, become blurred and you may find the 20 stuff dropping to 70\/30 occasionally.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Having babies and running a business did that to me. I just wanted to hibernate in a cave on my own for six months but as soon as I pulled some order back into my life, I was back in my happy 80\/20 space, which is a realistic equation for a modern world and all its woes.
\nMany people see the\u201820\u2019 period as taking time apart, something I am all for. My husband and I, who have been together for XX years and have two children aged xx and xx, have an agreement that every month one of us can have a weekend away on our own. We alternate months and can do whatever we want during that weekend – a spa weekend, a jaunt abroad with friends or just some time alone.<\/p>\n

Taking My Time<\/h2>\n

During the week, we also take a 20 period for us. We have very separate professional lives and are both busy running our own businesses. I work in the office 3 days a week and it’s very much all-consuming Killing Kittens work so I make time at home for a chilled date night once a week. I cook and we can rant and gossip over dinner, and on weekends we have proper quality family time.<\/p>\n

Some relationship experts have stated that the 20 period should allow you to \u2018resume your individuality\u2019, but I don\u2019t agree with this.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

There should be no percentage set aside for retaining your own individuality; neither of us stop the other from being a true reflection of their own character even if it drives the other mad. It’s what makes us who we are and why we fell in love in the first place.
\nBecause the thing is, the perfect person and the perfect relationship are pipe dreams. When you drop the fantasy<\/a>, it doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re giving up, it means you\u2019re growing up and appreciating what you\u2019ve got. When you do that, the pressure valve loosens a little and everything becomes easier.<\/p>\n

And besides, a little imperfection is far more interesting than complete perfection, right?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Holding out for the perfect relationship? You\u2019ll be waiting a long time, says Emma Sayle, a keen advocate of the 80\/20 relationship rule When you wake from the post-coital early day trance and realize that your new partner is actually a mere mortal, the reality can be a little disheartening. He\u2019s moody in the mornings, messy in the evenings and \u2013 what\u2019s this? – he\u2019s online but hasn\u2019t read your cute message yet? The truth is that\u00a0long-term relationships are a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":67,"featured_media":17613,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[925,929],"tags":[189],"coauthors":[1108],"class_list":["post-17587","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-committed","category-sexual-wellness","tag-healthy-relationship"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWant a Healthy & Happy Relationship? 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