{"id":18487,"date":"2017-12-21T09:44:01","date_gmt":"2017-12-21T09:44:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=18487"},"modified":"2024-07-13T07:45:36","modified_gmt":"2024-07-13T05:45:36","slug":"5-unexpected-scenes-50-shades-freed-movie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/5-unexpected-scenes-50-shades-freed-movie\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Unexpected Scenes in the 50 Shades Freed Movie"},"content":{"rendered":"

Like most sensible people on this good earth, we haven\u2019t read the third installment of the 50 Shades series<\/a>. No one has. So here are 5 scenes from the book we didn\u2019t read that will DEFINITELY be in the movie we won\u2019t watch.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t judge us, you didn\u2019t read it either. Laters, baby.<\/strong><\/p>\n

1. Anastasia finally…<\/h2>\n

…publishes a book (she\u2019s a writer, remember?), earning her the respect that she deserves, above and beyond her capacity to ingest Christian\u2019s penis. The book is called \u2018Christian\u2019s Penis, Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Christian\u2019s Penis.\u2019 It\u2019s ironic.<\/p>\n

2. Christian learns…<\/h2>\n

…that Ana slipped a non-disclosure clause into his contract, immediately disempowering him in the eyes of the law. Fuck you Christian, how you gonna act now?<\/p>\n

3. They bang in a shower…<\/h2>\n

…and discover what everyone had already known since before the shower was even invented: that shower sex is hot in theory<\/em>, but awful in practice. Am I right? Am I right guys? You don\u2019t need to tell me I\u2019m right. It\u2019s rubbish and no one will admit it. Shower sex is a conspiracy. Showers are for before sex and after it, and nothing in between.<\/p>\n

4. Anastasia says…<\/h2>\n

…she would prefer a Volvo to an Audi because of Volvo\u2019s superior safety record and five-star NCAP rating, and because Edward in Twilight had one, forcing Audi to remove its funding for the movie, causing it to cut to black at 45 minutes in. No YOU\u2019RE a long sentence.<\/p>\n

5. Christian finally…<\/h2>\n

…does some online research about BDSM and discovers the concept of \u2018topping from the bottom\u2019, has an emotional crisis regarding his own sense of dominance<\/a>, renounces sex entirely because of his shattered perception of masculinity, goes to live in a monastery, where all he does is brag about all the \u2018pussayy\u2019 he used<\/em> to get, until the other monks beat him to death with his own birch.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Like most sensible people on this good earth, we haven\u2019t read the third installment of the 50 Shades series. No one has. So here are 5 scenes from the book we didn\u2019t read that will DEFINITELY be in the movie we won\u2019t watch. Don\u2019t judge us, you didn\u2019t read it either. Laters, baby. 1. Anastasia finally… …publishes a book (she\u2019s a writer, remember?), earning her the respect that she deserves, above and beyond her capacity to ingest Christian\u2019s penis. The […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":92,"featured_media":18488,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[647,185],"coauthors":[949],"class_list":["post-18487","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sex-tips-advice","tag-50-shades","tag-movie"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n5 Unexpected Scenes in the 50 Shades Freed Movie<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Who could have seen these scenes coming? Certainly not us, because we didn't read the book. 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