{"id":1907,"date":"2020-06-18T11:00:27","date_gmt":"2020-06-18T09:00:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=1907"},"modified":"2020-07-06T09:27:55","modified_gmt":"2020-07-06T07:27:55","slug":"tips-initiating-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/tips-initiating-sex\/","title":{"rendered":"With Consent, of Course, Here\u2019s How to Initiate Sex"},"content":{"rendered":"

Let\u2019s get straight to it\u2026 you should be enjoying (more) sex! Whether it\u2019s for all of the added mental and physical <\/span>health benefits<\/span><\/a>, pleasure, or even to strengthen your relationship.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But for couples who don\u2019t instinctively \u2018hop to it\u2019 like rabbits every hour on the hour, (do these people even exist?!) intiating sex can sometimes be a sensitive subject. Especially for those who are shy, inexperienced, or have a <\/span>low sexual self-esteem<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

There are, of course, times when partners have matching libidos or \u2018sex schedules\u2019, or are so open and comfortable with each other that getting it on is as easy as a teasing grab or a suggestive verbal hint. But for the rest of them, finding the right way to get the mood going can be difficult.<\/span><\/p>\n

And FYI, the belief that men always need to be the ones to intiate sex is so unbelievably outdated. Ladies, you\u2019re just as in control in every aspect.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDesire is very individual and not based on one\u2019s sex or gender. Anyone can want and then take steps to make sex happen,\u201d<\/span><\/i> says sex educator, August McLaughlin.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, for those who are struggling, this one\u2019s for you. Here are six ideas to consider that may help you to initiate <\/span>intimacy<\/span>, and ultimately live your best sex life.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"How<\/p>\n

1. Make it Personal<\/span><\/h2>\n

Think about it like this: if someone you have the hots for casually mentions that they\u2019ve got a thing for brunettes (and you\u2019re a brunette), you\u2019d probably feel kind of hopeful, right?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But if the same person had to say that they find <\/span>your<\/span><\/i> brunette hair to be gorgeous, the \u2018special\u2019 factor is like tripled. Now think of it this way\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You\u2019re in the mood, and you tell your partner that you feel like banging one out. This is all good and well, but imagine telling them that the way in which they just smiled at you got you feeling all riled up? Or that their legs look so freaking hot right now?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

People want to feel wanted, and this is just a little trick that might start a bit of magic.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Expect the Unexpected\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n

For some couples, sex is treated like something on their to-do list. Sometimes there\u2019s a schedule involved or it\u2019s written ever-so-neatly on the calendar that you just can\u2019t miss it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And while this works for some couples, the element of sexy surprise has the ability to eliminate the usual \u2018routine\u2019 and make things more exciting than if it were planned.<\/span><\/p>\n

Initiating this out-of-the-blue rompage could all begin by a simple touching of the leg, a brush against her breast, or a slight glide across his pelvis. Words don\u2019t need to factor in if you\u2019re too shy to boldly admit that you\u2019re ready for play time.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Lights, Camera, Action<\/span><\/h2>\n

Nah, we\u2019re not suggesting you make a porno\u2026 unless you want to? We\u2019re merely suggesting that, by watching something erotic together, like porn or even a <\/span>sexy film<\/span><\/a>, it could stir up some sexual arousal. You know the expression, <\/span>\u201cOne thing leads to another\u201d?<\/span><\/i> Kind of like that\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Of course it would be weird to just put on porn if you\u2019re a couple who don\u2019t do that kind of thing together. But start a subtle dialogue that might get things going. <\/span>\u201cWhat\u2019s your favorite fantasy?\u201d \u201cDo you watch porn? What\u2019s your favorite kind?\u201d <\/span><\/i>Take it from there, it could work wonders.<\/span><\/p>\n

4. Say It in a Love Letter<\/span><\/h2>\n

Ok, so it\u2019s not really a love letter, more like an erotic gesture written down on paper. But if saying it out loud isn\u2019t your thing, getting your desires down in writing can be a big help. Try slipping a cheeky note into your partner\u2019s coat pocket that spells out your intentions.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Or, if you\u2019re feeling more modern, send a suggestive email flirtatiously outlining the things you want to do with\/to them. You know what also works great? A sexy selfie! (But remember to <\/span>practice safe sexy selfie sharing<\/span><\/a>!).<\/span><\/p>\n

Otherwise, get on the trend that millions are now experimenting with: <\/span>sexting<\/span><\/a>! A deliciously-descriptive text message is a great way to \u2018up\u2019 the anticipation until you next see each other.<\/span><\/p>\n

5. Learn Their Love Language<\/span><\/h2>\n

Marriage counselor, Dr Gary Chapman, has sold over seven million copies of his book, <\/span>The 5 Love Languages<\/span><\/i>, which has made it to number one on the <\/span>New York Times Best Seller<\/span><\/i> list.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This book basically introduces the reader to five different love languages, to which every individual gravitates more towards one (and sometimes two) than any other. This is then known as \u2018your love language\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\n

In case you haven\u2019t heard of it, the five love languages are:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Words of Affirmation
\n<\/span>Words mean more than actions to you, and hearing things like, \u201c<\/span>I love you, you are important to me,<\/span><\/i>\u201d or receiving compliments is the quickest way to your heart.<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Acts of Service
\n<\/span>Acts of service include giving a helping hand. So if you identify with this love language, your partner offering to do the dishes because they know you\u2019ve had a long day, or them spoiling you with a <\/span>massage<\/span><\/a>, will mean the world to you.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Receiving Gifts
\n<\/span>This love language is applicable to those who appreciate the thoughtfulness behind receiving a gift. It\u2019s not a materialistic thing, but more so knowing that someone has taken the time to give you something that they knew you would love.<\/span><\/p>\n

4. Quality Time
\n<\/span>This is more about experiencing and spending quality time with the one you love. It\u2019s about drowning out the noise of the day, putting down phones and turning off the TV in order to spend uninterrupted time together.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

5. Physical Touch
\n<\/span>This could be in any sense, be it sensual or affectionate. It\u2019s a physical gesture that makes a person feel loved, cared for, and appreciated. A platonic hug, holding hands, and cuddling<\/a> are all considered physical touch when it comes to the 5 love languages.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now that you\u2019re familiar, you can ask or decide which love language best suits your partner, then bring comfort and joy to them by doing something that\u2019ll feed their love language. An example could be buying them <\/span>a new sex toy<\/span><\/a>, or initiating a prolonged and comforting hug. Who knows what\u2019ll happen next\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

6. Learn Your Partner\u2019s Style of Initiation<\/span><\/h2>\n

Dr. Petra Zebroff, a couples counselor and a sex therapist in Vancouver, did <\/span>a study<\/span><\/a> to find out how men and women prefer sex to be initiated. After concluding the data, seven different styles of initiation were formed:<\/span><\/p>\n