{"id":20249,"date":"2020-01-27T10:31:15","date_gmt":"2020-01-27T09:31:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=20249"},"modified":"2024-09-27T06:56:58","modified_gmt":"2024-09-27T04:56:58","slug":"things-tell-a-younger-me-about-sex-romance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/things-tell-a-younger-me-about-sex-romance\/","title":{"rendered":"Things I\u2019d Tell a Younger Me About Sex & Romance"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m 35 years old and I work in the creative industry. What I mean to say is that on any given day, I am usually the oldest person in the room; I share office space and work very closely with people 15 years my junior and it definitely makes me feel my age to hear how much is different for them compared to my experience coming up. It\u2019s simple for us to think that twentysomethings have it so much easier when it comes to hooking up and coupling \u2013 what with dating apps, DM sliding and content streaming & chilling \u2013 but some things will never, ever change.<\/span><\/p>\n

In the conversations I\u2019ve had with my younger peers \u2013 and overheard them having with each other, the same anxieties \u2013 and misconceptions \u2013 exist, just like I am sure they have since forever. And while I\u2019ll never pull one of my colleagues aside and be some kind of sage (tbh I\u2019d never have listened to me back then; why would these kids listen to me now?), I\u2019m writing this here so that maybe you reading this can figure out a little bit about what I\u2019ve learned so far.<\/span><\/p>\n

1. The One that Got Away: Let \u2018em Stay Away.<\/span><\/h3>\n

One of the things you\u2019ll come to realize after a few runs around the block are the tropes that we\u2019ve come to believe are real. What rom com screenwriters have used as story devices have been internalized as natural aspects of love and romance. There\u2019s a reason why the One that Got Away went away. The amount of pining you\u2019re wasting on them could be better used to focus on the people who are currently in your life. One thing you absolutely shouldn\u2019t do is compare any current or future partners to them. Relationships are unique, and that\u2019s kinda the beauty in them.<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Sexual Chemistry Isn\u2019t Everything.<\/span><\/h3>\n

You\u2019re going to meet someone someday who you will have the best sex of your life with. To keep on having sex with this person, you might look past some character flaws or troubling behavior you wouldn\u2019t otherwise put up with in others. Great sex can make us do crazy things, including extending a relationship way past its sell-by date. This is especially true for women who release the oxytocin hormone during orgasm. There\u2019s a reason why it\u2019s called the \u201clove hormone\u201d because it attributes to attachment, which is why there\u2019s a pretty good argument against the friends with benefits<\/a> theory. Think beyond the bedroom and consider whether you enjoy all the time in between with this person; you might just save yourself a few months (or even years) of what would be a shitty relationship because you placed too much stock in <\/span>sexual compatibility<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. \u2018Mixed Signals\u2019 Don\u2019t Exist.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Confused by your date\u2019s behavior? Not sure if they like you or not? Are they emotionally ambiguous? Don\u2019t take this as an unspoken cue to try harder or push them to the point where they have to declare their feelings \u2013 you are going to have to pay attention to their behaviors, but in no case should you project your feelings onto them. \u201cMixed signals\u201d could very well be a projection of insecurity, and if you notice some behaviors not aligning, it\u2019s time to talk through it. If someone\u2019s playing games, drop em stat. It\u2019s okay to require someone to be 100% in or completely out, unless of course you\u2019ve negotiated your wants otherwise.<\/span><\/p>\n

4. It\u2019s Okay To Focus.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Not everything in life is mutually inclusive. If your partner is creating ultimatums between them and something else going on in your life, granted it\u2019s healthy and something that adds value to your future, it\u2019s time to reconsider. That whole \u201crelationships are all about timing\u201d thing is actually true. The right partner will support your passions, maybe even share some with you, and certainly be in a similar \u201clife stage\u201d as you. You can\u2019t give all of your effort to every facet of your life. Dating is like a job interview wherein you have to prove your time management and prioritization skills. Distraction is a bitch, and something that could take years off your love life by pursuing every possibility that comes along. Ask yourself what it is your really want out of sex or relationships and pursue just that.<\/span><\/p>\n

5. Challenge Yourself.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Often as a younger man I spent my time simply looking for a person who would have sex with me instead of looking for someone I wanted to have sex with. Meaning I\u2019d meet someone and then everything that followed would be a means to an end: getting laid.<\/span><\/p>\n

It took a lot of mental puzzling before realizing that some of my best sex \u2013 and best relationships \u2013 were with people I\u2019d connected with without an end game (sex) in mind. You know; getting to know someone. Forming a bond and even disagreeing with or being challenged by them, but above all listening to them. What I am trying to say here is that sex will happen. If it\u2019s with someone worthwhile, then much more fulfilling sex will happen. Understanding someone\u2019s best pleasure sometimes comes from understanding more than just their physical body.<\/span><\/p>\n

Discover pleasure with:<\/h4>\n

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I\u2019m 35 years old and I work in the creative industry. What I mean to say is that on any given day, I am usually the oldest person in the room; I share office space and work very closely with people 15 years my junior and it definitely makes me feel my age to hear how much is different for them compared to my experience coming up. It\u2019s simple for us to think that twentysomethings have it so much easier […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":101,"featured_media":20250,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[925,924,929],"tags":[189,637],"coauthors":[951],"class_list":["post-20249","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-committed","category-dating","category-sexual-wellness","tag-healthy-relationship","tag-sex-tips"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nEssential Sex & Relationship Advice for Younger Guys<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We've all learned a few crucial things about dating and love since our teens - here's what one man wishes he had known when he was younger.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/things-tell-a-younger-me-about-sex-romance\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Things I\u2019d Tell a Younger Me About Sex & Romance\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We've all learned a few crucial things about dating and love since our teens - 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