{"id":22387,"date":"2018-11-26T07:51:16","date_gmt":"2018-11-26T07:51:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=22387"},"modified":"2024-07-23T01:38:25","modified_gmt":"2024-07-22T23:38:25","slug":"are-you-victim-to-marital-bed-death","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/are-you-victim-to-marital-bed-death\/","title":{"rendered":"Are You Victim to \u2018Marital Bed Death\u2019?"},"content":{"rendered":"

This might be a tune that\u2019s familiar to you: you and your partner were once tearing each other\u2019s clothes off, having sex whenever and wherever the whim struck you. Years pass. Sex then gets relegated only to the bedroom and by appointment only. Over a little more time, those appointments get shifted from every weekend, to twice a month, then twice a month to just a few times a year.<\/span><\/p>\n

In the United States alone, there are an estimated 20 million people in sexless marriages, otherwise known as \u2018bed death\u2019. Sounds scary, right? Of course, this isn\u2019t a uniquely American problem; all over the world, passions can fade. In fact, there\u2019s the concept of \u2018passionate love\u2019 \u2013 the phase early on in a relationship where you can\u2019t get enough of each other \u2013 and \u2018compassionate love\u2019, where two partners care for each other, rather than desire one another.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, there\u2019s nothing wrong with compassionate love \u2013 and there\u2019s nothing particularly wrong with burning passions fizzling down to little embers \u2013 however there are so many benefits to maintaining your sex life (for your health and your relationship) that you\u2019ve got nothing to lose and pleasure to gain!<\/span><\/p>\n

How To Avoid ‘Bed Death’<\/span><\/h2>\n

Consider Your \u2018Sex Number\u2019<\/h3>\n

No, this isn\u2019t the number of people you\u2019ve slept with over your sexual lifetime. This is the ideal number of times per week or per month you\u2019d like to be engaging in sex. Think of yours. Have your partner think of theirs. Then, tell each other. <\/span><\/p>\n

Once you\u2019ve both said your ideal sex numbers out loud, that\u2019s where you can start working towards a compromise \u2013 isn\u2019t \u2018compromise\u2019 what marriage and long-term love comes down to, in the end? Finding the middle ground, at the very least, will serve as a starting point for the dialogue. <\/span><\/p>\n

Make Time for It<\/h3>\n

Yes, I am talking about making a schedule for intimacy \u2013 not necessarily sex. Now that you\u2019ve compared your sex numbers, make an appointment with your partner where the focus isn\u2019t on intercourse; simply be together comfortably. This could be cuddling and just being close to see where it takes you (even something as simple as <\/span>snuggling has relationship benefits<\/span><\/a>), or you both can become <\/span>reacquainted with each others\u2019 bodies through some erotic massage<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes the way we deal with a lack of sex is to avoid the subject as well as the act altogether. Making time specifically for intimacy is when you both directly confront your issue, however doing it with no goal in mind aside from enjoying the time you spend together is a pressure-free avenue to delighting in each others\u2019 bodies.<\/span><\/p>\n

Do Something New<\/h3>\n

Being in a long-term relationship means that you\u2019re seeing the same person. Every day. Every night. Before work and after work. After a while, it\u2019s time to break out of the normal routine and see each other in different contexts than you might usually do.<\/span><\/p>\n

We\u2019re not even talking about getting out of your routine in a sexual way \u2013 take up a new hobby together, be amongst each others\u2019 friends for a night out \u2013 and get reminded of what your partner is like outside of the usual day to day and why you fell for them in the first place.<\/span><\/p>\n

Make a Deal To Ditch Distractions<\/h3>\n

Choose a time that both of you agree to put aside all distractions for at least an hour, and commit to talking one on one. This can be as simple as having a glass of wine together over the dinner table when the meal is done rather than rushing off to finish the washing up. <\/span><\/p>\n

Talk about anything at all to start \u2013 but the point is just to talk. The hope is that eventually you\u2019ll reach a time again where you\u2019ll forego all distractions to listen to your partner without having to set a schedule for it.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This might be a tune that\u2019s familiar to you: you and your partner were once tearing each other\u2019s clothes off, having sex whenever and wherever the whim struck you. Years pass. Sex then gets relegated only to the bedroom and by appointment only. Over a little more time, those appointments get shifted from every weekend, to twice a month, then twice a month to just a few times a year. In the United States alone, there are an estimated 20 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":101,"featured_media":22388,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[537,115,807],"coauthors":[951],"class_list":["post-22387","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sex-tips-advice","tag-couples","tag-libido","tag-sex-drive"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhat is \u2018Marital Bed Death\u2019 - and How Do I Avoid It?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"After years with a partner, desires can fade. 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