{"id":23631,"date":"2019-05-26T00:38:44","date_gmt":"2019-05-26T00:38:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=23631"},"modified":"2024-08-15T06:02:22","modified_gmt":"2024-08-15T04:02:22","slug":"like-it-rough-theres-a-reason-for-that","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/like-it-rough-theres-a-reason-for-that\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Many People Love Rough Sex"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sex is anything but black and white. It can go from passionate red to happy yellow and shades of blue, depending on your preferences and taste. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And for those who enjoy colouring outside of the lines when it comes to sexual pleasure, this is not a haphazard and random inclination. In fact, there are valid psychological and physical reasons for it. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, if you like it rough in between the sheets, here\u2019s the 411 on why you like it, how it can make or break a sexual relationship, and how to enjoy it safely. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ready to dive inside your inner thoughts and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/where-sex-drive-gone\/\">sexual drive<\/a>?<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Psychology Behind Rough Sex<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do you love going on the scariest rollercoaster at the amusement park? And do you find endless thrill in horror films that make you grab the covers and place them over your eyes in fear? Well, the same science applies to rough sex. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">All of these scenarios present an element of terror, but they too hold the promise that everything will be OK in the end. The rollercoaster will come to a stop, the movie will finish, and if you\u2019re in a trusted relationship, rough sex will be a fleeting moment of intense passion.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In short, as humans, many of us are attracted to dangerous situations. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But there are, of course, other factors that influence this type of play time. <\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><b>Urgency:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> When you have a rising desire for your partner, the urgency sets off an intense need for immediate satisfaction in the brain. <\/span><\/li>\n<li><b>Trust:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> For both men and women, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/why-is-it-so-difficult-to-forgive-unfaithfulness\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">trust is a huge factor when it comes to having rough sex<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. <\/span>When someone is pinned down and participating in forced consent, trust is an imperative element. Both partners must know that their play partner will stop when asked to.<\/li>\n<li><b>Psychological Health:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Those who enjoy it rough tend to fear that they might have some kind of psychological disorder of some sorts. But rest assured, this is not the case. <\/span>In fact, <a href=\"https:\/\/askthepsych.com\/atp\/author\/drgeorge\/\"><span>Dr. George Simon<\/span><\/a><span>, PhD in clinical psychology, revealed that \u2013 as long as your bedroom antics don\u2019t transcend into your everyday life, you\u2019re 100 percent A-OK!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Angry Sex: Why Is It So Good?<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Angry sex has the component of strong emotion. And when you\u2019re attracted to someone physically, but simply cannot stand everything else about them, your brain has a way of blocking out those negative feelings and focusing on the visual stimuli sitting before you. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Four regions of the brain will then release a slew of hormones, such as dopamine, serotonin, and adrenaline. This powerful cocktail will make you feel good, happy, rewarded, and ready for action.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, what do you get when you have a good looking person with a rotten personality? Strong sexual yet hateful or angry feelings toward them. And by engaging in sexual activity with them, it releases some of the tension and emotions that you may not want to actually deal with.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But why do we use sex as a means to express our emotions, good or bad? It actually stems in childhood, says <\/span><a href=\"http:\/\/drfranwalfish.com\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dr. Fran Walfish<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, a psychotherapist. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For example: if a young girl were to have an emotional-absent father, she may settle for less in her search for meaning, acceptance and love. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In time, she will realise that these men aren\u2019t giving her what she needs, and this in turn, leads to anger which is expressed sexually. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Interestingly, this isn\u2019t just an issue of gender. It has been found that young boys who don\u2019t experience a lot of affection and love from their mother often seek out women who are less than desirable. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After around four months, they start to notice the undesirable behaviour, and may feel resentful and angry towards their partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Can Rough Sex Make or Break a Relationship? <\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If both partners actively enjoy rough sex and experimenting with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/role-call-what-are-different-kinds-dominants-submissives\/\">dominance and submissiveness<\/a>, this can actually bring them closer together. It\u2019s no secret that <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/be-a-better-partner\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">sex is a key ingredient when it comes to having a successful and happy relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But what happens when two people have <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/dealing-with-mismatched-libidos\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">mismatched sexual desires<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/from-the-experts-the-importance-of-fantasy-in-relationships\/\">fantasies<\/a>? Many a couple have broken up or divorced over <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/months-without-sex-the-dry-spell-explained\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">sex-related issues<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, but this really doesn\u2019t have to be the case. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In fact, licenced marriage counselor and relationship therapist, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/experts\/isadora-alman-mft-cst\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Isadora Alman <\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">says that there are a few solutions to address this problem.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2>Treating Mismatched Sexual Desires<\/h2>\n<h3>Compromise<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">According to Alman, couples who experience <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/are-you-victim-to-marital-bed-death\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">mismatched sexual desires<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> should <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201chave what they want elsewhere\u201d.<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> That is, to compromise and custom your bedroom activities in such a way that both partners can fulfill their needs. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">An example of this would be affection or emotions. If one partner feels one or both of these aspects are lacking in their relationship, they can be met through embracing friends, family, or their children. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Additionally, both partners should consider being willing to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/fanning-the-flames-5-couples-exercises-to-increase-intimacy-rekindle-romance\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">accommodate their partner\u2019s needs<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> from time to time. This can only strengthen a relationship, and bring pleasure to both partners. <\/span><\/p>\n<h3>Consider an open relationship<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">An <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/is-an-open-relationship-right-for-you\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">open relationship <\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">is <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">having multiple sexual partners with the consent of everyone involved. If this is something you may feel comfortable with, it could be a great solution to a big problem.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Enjoying Rough Sex in a Safe Space<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The art of enjoying rough sex is if both partners are completely into it. The act of rough or forceful sex is like a game of consensual\/non-consensual. It\u2019s considered a taboo, possibly even wrong. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But if done between two partners who actively enjoy the act, it can actually bring about more trust and closeness between the two. It can also be seen as an act of affection, desire, and endearment. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">With that, here are a few ways you can create a safe and healthy space for some raunchy rough sex:<\/span><\/p>\n<h3>Talk To Your Partner Beforehand<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">By doing this, you are setting limits, gauging each other\u2019s responses, and seeing if this kind of sex intrigues both of you. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To practice rough sex without talking about it beforehand could lead to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/importance-communication-skills-relationships\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">miscommunication<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and an unsafe space that could have been avoided. Both parties need to be open and honest about their wants and their limits. <\/span><\/p>\n<h3>Create a Safe Word<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It may sound cliche &#8211; like something you\u2019d see in a movie, but to have a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/deciding-hard-limits-safe-words\/\">safe word<\/a> is not just about screaming an odd word to end a sexual act. It also adds to the suspense and ritual when it comes to your <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/can-our-sexual-fantasies-come-true\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">sexual experience<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3>Remove Feelings of Guilt<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Oftentimes, especially for women, people feel guilty about wanting something sexual that could be considered morally wrong. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As mentioned, participating in rough sex doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re psychologically corrupt. Nor does it mean that you are doing something \u2018bad\u2019. <\/span><\/p>\n<h3>Confidence<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This one can be difficult to achieve, but it also comes with great trust in a partner. When you feel <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/boost-bedroom-confidence\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">sexually confident<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, you\u2019re comfortable and you don\u2019t have the fear losing control at any time. <\/span><\/p>\n<h3>Aftercare<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For many who engage in <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">rough sex or BDSM practices<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/bdsm-beginners-aftercare\/\">after care<\/a> is an extremely important factor when it comes to sexual trysts. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After care is the practice of cuddling, embracing, or talking lovingly with your partner after sexual activity. It\u2019s a way in which to connect and feel safe after your passionate fun.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Having said that, it\u2019s important to know that<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/consent\/\">sex should always be consensual<\/a> between two adults<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. If it is not, it is rape. There are no blurred lines when it comes to this matter.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What Is Unhealthy Rough Sex?<\/span><\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When consent is lacking from one partner (this is not just unhealthy, it is rape)<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When one partner is trying to achieve their own sexual gratification at their partner\u2019s expense<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When one partner feels degraded, abused, and ultimately a lower self-esteem because of the act<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When one partner does not respect the other<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When one partner does not stop regardless of being asked to (this is not just unhealthy, it is rape)<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, to sum up: No, there\u2019s nothing fundamentally wrong with you if you enjoy rough sex. Yes, rough sex can equal love. And sure, there are underlying reasons why we love it so much. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Time for a bit of introspection, wouldn\u2019t you say?<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sex is anything but black and white. It can go from passionate red to happy yellow and shades of blue, depending on your preferences and taste. And for those who enjoy colouring outside of the lines when it comes to sexual pleasure, this is not a haphazard and random inclination. In fact, there are valid psychological and physical reasons for it. So, if you like it rough in between the sheets, here\u2019s the 411 on why you like it, how [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":115,"featured_media":23632,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[575,637],"coauthors":[948],"class_list":["post-23631","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sex-tips-advice","tag-kinky-sex","tag-sex-tips"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.8.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Worried About Liking Rough Sex? 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