{"id":24619,"date":"2019-09-24T14:00:08","date_gmt":"2019-09-24T12:00:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=24619"},"modified":"2024-08-25T02:13:46","modified_gmt":"2024-08-25T00:13:46","slug":"first-play-party","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/first-play-party\/","title":{"rendered":"Making Your First Play Party Experience a Consensual Blast"},"content":{"rendered":"

The time has finally come – You are ready to make moves and attend your first ever play party. Congratulations! That is a huge step in feeling yourself and your sexuality. But now that you know what you want (what you want is to attend an event wherein a group of people engage in consensual sexy and kinky scenarios with one another) there is SO MUCH TO CONSIDER!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s start with the basics – as someone who, at this juncture, has made it at least as far as deciding you want to be in a play space, it feels safe to assume you might have some idea of what that looks like for you. Great! What a great start to an amazing journey. Now you just need to know where you will even explore all of that. Ask yourself the following –\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Who do you want to play with?<\/h3>\n

\u00a0Do you want to go to a party where you know some people? Do you want to know most of them? Or would you prefer it be strangers? For more private parties held at peoples homes or private rental spaces, it is commonplace to have someone vouch for you, to keep the space safe and only including people who have been given the seal of approval. This ensures a safer environment for those involved, but can be a more difficult place to break into the play party scene, as someone who has never previously been a part of it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For more public play spaces, like sex clubs and larger kink festivals<\/a>, you could potentially enter that space not knowing a single soul. If anonymity is your goal, this might be the route for you. The downside of these spaces is that essentially anyone who pays the amount to be there can be there, so you aren\u2019t quite guaranteed the safety you might hope for. But even still, dungeon masters (DM\u2019s) are present at all parties to ensure safety, to the best of their ability, and available to flag down should you experience an uncomfortable thing or find yourself feeling unsafe.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Are you looking for particular theme nights? Something thats specific to couples or to just women or to just queer people? Check your local clubs websites, or scope out fetlife (the social network for kinky folks) or local kink groups on facebook for what you are searching for.<\/span><\/p>\n

Where do you want to play?<\/h3>\n

As mentioned above, the people you encounter depend on the space. Are you looking to keep things cozy and casual? Parties held at peoples homes tend to have a certain amount of intimacy to them that you just do not get at public spaces. Depending on the type of play you are looking for, a party at someones home can be a nice intro into play spaces, because it tends to be a more catered grouping of people, more intimate in its nature, and a space that feels more like a bunch of friends hanging out as opposed to a wild sex rager.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you are looking to go hard, go for anonymity, or want access to more kink-specific gear that wouldn\u2019t be available at most house parties (like hard points for suspension, St. Andrews cross, cages, etc) then a public play space might be for you! Many major cities have spaces like this – they usually require either a membership or a payment of some sort, usually have a bar, and often have various theme nights!<\/span><\/p>\n

Once you know where and who, you are ready to get yourself into the play party spirit! With the night approaching, it is important to prep yourself. Hydrate and eat before the big day – think of all the energy and adrenaline you\u2019ll be burning through! Avoid the post-party crash with some pre-fuel.\u00a0 You also have to prepare mentally for one of the most important components to making your play party experience grand: clear and considerate communication<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Communication<\/h3>\n

Showing up to a play party hoping people will just know what you want and offer it to you freely is not going to bring you good results! Coming into the space already knowing what you might want (even if it isn\u2019t fully realized!) is key! Relying on others to do the heavy lifting and communication for you is not something that should be expected – as a participant in a play space, you need to be able to communicate your desires, especially if you are entering with the idea that you will be engaging exclusively in pick up play, the act of negotiating a scene with someone you only just met in the space. Even if your desire<\/a> is, say, to just check the scene out and get a feel for what is going on – that is chill!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You also need to be able to hear and say no, and know what explicit consent means<\/a>. If someone says \u201cI guess\u201d, take it as a no. If someone seems hesitant, do not push them for a yes. If you do not receive an enthusiastic YES to a proposition, take it with grace and thank the person for their time. After all, just because everyone is in the space for the same general reason, it does not mean everyone is there because they want to engage in the same kind of play as you, or are just down to do whatever with whomever. Some folks are just there to be voyeurs<\/a>! Do not be afraid of saying no either – you are not required to play with everyone just because you signed on to being at the play party.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Not sure where to start when it comes to communicating with someone? Afraid of even approaching first? Understandable! It is an overwhelming thing and also entirely up to you to be able to make those moves. Make moves! Tell someone they\u2019re hot! Tell them they were so good at hitting someone earlier, or you loved the way they did A, B and C! It might feel high stakes, but honestly, it is the best possible low-stakes environment to compliment someone and engage this way. People in play space know how to ask for what they want, and if they aren\u2019t interested, they\u2019ll let you know! Need some basic communication tools to use if someone is interested in playing? I am here for you!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Basic negotiation essentials to cover<\/h3>\n