{"id":25959,"date":"2019-10-25T13:23:50","date_gmt":"2019-10-25T11:23:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=25959"},"modified":"2024-09-16T05:06:35","modified_gmt":"2024-09-16T03:06:35","slug":"what-is-sm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/what-is-sm\/","title":{"rendered":"S&#038;M: Can Sadomasochism Equal Love?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Love, as we perceive it, is a chemical reaction. It\u2019s a feeling, something that can be tangible in the form of a hug, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/kissing-games-for-adults-on-the-kinky-side\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">a kiss<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, a smile, or the presence of sincerity in someone\u2019s eyes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But who are we to judge what love personally means to an individual? How can we label one act as a form of love and affection, while shaking our heads at less mainstream manners of adoration?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Today, I hope to break the stereotype that says that acts of BDSM <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">are merely dangerous, violent, and superficial ways in which to satisfy carnal or unfavorable human desires.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-25966\" src=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/SM-Meaning.jpg\" alt=\"SM\" width=\"293\" height=\"157\" \/><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m going to expand and move outside of the box that says that love needs to be shown in a certain way in order to be true and authentic.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Welcome to the world of expressing love through acts of S&amp;M.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What is S&amp;M?<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">S&amp;M stands for Sadism (to gain sexual satisfaction from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on another) and Masochism (gaining sexual satisfaction from receiving pain, suffering, or humiliation).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s a relationship, a power dynamic, and an intense dance of sensuality, <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">trust<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, respect, kink, and other cravings that has the ability to bring two people closer together.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Embracing S&amp;M is not merely a physical act, it goes far beyond that. And in actuality, those who engage in S&amp;M practices are just as loving, affectionate, kind, and in love as those who don\u2019t\u2014some even more so.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What Does an S&amp;M Relationship Look Like?<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It looks just like any other relationship, bluntly put. Just as you would see a friendly face in a grocery store or a helpful employee at your local coffee shop, it would be impossible and stereotypical to assume what an individual wants, experiences, or desires when in a relationship.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In fact, there\u2019s evidence that shows that many of those who enjoy and engage in these kinds of practices are mentally healthy in every respect. They simply do not gain any or as much arousal from mainstream<\/span> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/light-dark-kinky-vanilla-suggestions-add-bdsm-to-the-bedroom\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">vanilla sex<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> as they do from other more <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/extreme-sex-practices-you-can-decide-yourself\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">intense experiences<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> with a partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And within the confinements of S&amp;M relationships, there is deep-rooted affection, love, and respect. In fact, one of the main components of this kind of sexual practice, is trust.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How so? Well, you wouldn\u2019t willingly give up all control to someone you did not trust, would you? To be placed in a compromising situation that is consensual alone is a mere indication of unhindered trust.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But does trust equal love? Not always, of course, as these are two different things. But trusting someone completely is one of the healthiest ways to <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">be<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> in love.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, I pose the question: how can love be expressed through S&amp;M?<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How Can Love Be Expressed Through S&amp;M?<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">S&amp;M in the bedroom is not about whipping out the whips and going to town&#8230;it\u2019s a lifestyle. And the majority of those who engage in this kind of sexual behaviour have set clear and respectful boundaries beforehand.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This act alone is rife with healthy <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/communication-as-a-tool-for-better-sex\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">communication<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, boundary-setting, mutual respect, trust, teamwork, and honesty.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">These boundaries often come in the form of formal or informal consent. It\u2019s comprised, loosely, of what the sadist is allowed to do, what the masochist feels comfortable with, a chosen <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/deciding-hard-limits-safe-words\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">safe word<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, as well as the discussion of materials used and sexual acts performed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once these boundaries have been set, a power dynamic comes into play. There is one sadist, often referred to as \u2018<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/role-call-what-are-different-kinds-dominants-submissives\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">the dominant<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2019, and there is one masochist, often referred to as \u2018<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/the-psychology-of-submission-equal-but-different\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">the submissive<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2019. In some relationships, one or both partners could be considered \u2018a switch\u2019 whereby these power roles are reversed when desired.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Together, these two individuals work as a team to create a pleasing, sexually-charged, arousing, and satisfying experience. One where both feel comfortable, and both receive the stimulation and desires that they crave.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And when it comes to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/bdsm-beginners-aftercare\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">S&amp;M aftercare<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, individuals will display their more gentle, caring, protective, and nurturing side. In fact, the aftercare could quite possibly be considered one of the most important aspects in an <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">S&amp;M relationship<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, as it brings two people closer together, caressing in a safe space.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/post-sexual-rejuvenation-practices\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Aftercare<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> can take shape by talking, cuddling, embracing, and giving affection. It can also be showering together, a ritual of packing away toys and props, and giving each other undivided time and attention.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This time has proven to be exceedingly healthy for couples, especially women, as after sexual activity, they have the capacity to feel undesired and discarded due to their hormonal changes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Oftentimes, in vanilla sexual encounters and one-night-stands, there is no aftercare such as <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/cuddling\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">cuddling <\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">or talking. Which is why the power dynamic of an S&amp;M relationship is one that could possibly surpass mainstream vanilla sex when it comes to respect and experiencing feelings of warmth, affection, and safety.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">S&amp;M: A Healer for Broken Relationships<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As counterintuitive as it may seem to some, some sex therapists actually recommend the practice of S&amp;M to couples who are facing <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">relationship difficulties<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. One particular sex therapist, Dr. Stephanie Hunter Jones, even admits that <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cit definitely makes a difference for damaged relationships\u201d. <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is particularly true for those who feel as though they\u2019re more in a position of weakness or power than their partner.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For some, one individual may be very dominant towards the other in general, causing a power imbalance. Introducing the opposite roles in the bedroom, that is the more <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">submissive partner <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">becomes the dominant, can restore that balance and resolve control issues.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">From a different perspective, if one partner has endured a bad sexual experience in the past, allowing them to take control can be a healthy way to regain confidence and to work through their trauma.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For anyone in an S&amp;M relationship, the driving force is reaching a mutual consent without the intent to negatively hurt themselves or others. In this way, there is little to no harm in trying or enjoying this kind of practice.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And to conclude, I encourage everyone to be open-minded and explorative. I, for one, am somewhat pleased that S&amp;M has been made more prevalent in the mainstream media, as it\u2019s opened up the possibility of a discussion, education, and experimentation.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">S&amp;M in the Mainstream Media<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As little as 10 years ago, S&amp;M\u2014while perhaps being prevalent in some pornographic material\u2014was seen as more of a taboo, strange, and somewhat unheard of. And while the whole \u2018free love\u2019 thing was \u2018a thing\u2019 in the 60\u2019s, it is of late that these kinds of sexual practices are deemed more normalised. This is largely due to exposure in the mainstream media.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When E.L. James published her first book of the series, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/lelo-50-shades-grey\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">50 Shades of Grey<\/span><\/i><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, with an accompanying film being released soon after, the world was intrigued. People were introduced to a new kind of way to enjoy and think about sexual activity. And even those who were repulsed or unapproving of this kind of lifestyle were educated and made more aware.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sure, the novel may not have always accurately portrayed a realistic image of an <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">S&amp;M lifestyle<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, but it still took the world by storm&#8230;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The same goes for the song by Rhianna, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Come On <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">which was actually first named, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">S&amp;M, <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">but had to undergo a name change after it was called a tune with <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cstrong content\u201d<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> on various radio stations.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">With lyrics such as \u201c<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now the pain is for pleasure \u2018cause nothing can measure,\u201d <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">and <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cchains and whips excite me,\u201d<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> a light was turned on worldwide, with fans singing the lyrics blissfully.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, I reiterate, as long as two people have mutual trust, respect, adoration, and the right kind of information after doing their own research, an S&amp;M relationship can, and oftentimes does, equal <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">love<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>See Also:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/vibrator-bondage\/\">How To Practice Vibrator Bondage?<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/bdsm-brat\/\">What Is a &#8216;Brat&#8217; in the BDSM Community?<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/virtual-bdsm\/\">Virtual BDSM: A Guide for Beginners<\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Discover pleasure with:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>[carousel_slide id=&#8217;43517&#8242;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Love, as we perceive it, is a chemical reaction. It\u2019s a feeling, something that can be tangible in the form of a hug, a kiss, a smile, or the presence of sincerity in someone\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 But who are we to judge what love personally means to an individual? How can we label one act as a form of love and affection, while shaking our heads at less mainstream manners of adoration?\u00a0 Today, I hope to break the stereotype that says [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":115,"featured_media":25961,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[918],"tags":[347,575],"coauthors":[948],"class_list":["post-25959","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-bdsm","tag-bdsm","tag-kinky-sex"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.8.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>S&amp;M: A Sexual Practice That Symbolizes Love?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"With many misconceptions of what an S&amp;M relationship actually looks like, we\u2019ve started a conversation that turns it on its head.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/what-is-sm\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"S&amp;M: A Sexual Practice That Symbolizes Love?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"With many misconceptions of what an S&amp;M relationship actually looks like, we\u2019ve started a conversation that turns it on its head.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/what-is-sm\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Volont\u00e9\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/LELO.Official\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-10-25T11:23:50+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-09-16T03:06:35+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/sm.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"660\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"330\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Helena Lorimer\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@Lelo_Official\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Lelo_Official\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Helena Lorimer\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"7 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/what-is-sm\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/what-is-sm\/\",\"name\":\"S&M: A Sexual Practice That Symbolizes Love?\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/what-is-sm\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/what-is-sm\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/sm.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2019-10-25T11:23:50+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-09-16T03:06:35+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/f0b6b2803d474ec55b7c340de4ee9a7e\"},\"description\":\"With many misconceptions of what an S&M relationship actually looks like, we\u2019ve started a conversation that turns it on its head.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/what-is-sm\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/what-is-sm\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/what-is-sm\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/sm.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/sm.jpg\",\"width\":660,\"height\":330,\"caption\":\"What is S&M\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/what-is-sm\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Volonte\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Sex Tips &amp; 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