{"id":26190,"date":"2019-10-31T13:35:23","date_gmt":"2019-10-31T12:35:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=26190"},"modified":"2024-09-16T05:21:24","modified_gmt":"2024-09-16T03:21:24","slug":"doubt-in-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/doubt-in-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Deal with Doubt in a Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

Whether you\u2019ve been dating for five weeks or going steady for five years, doubt within a relationship (and life in general) is normal. There are a number of different reasons as to why you\u2019re feeling doubtful.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes it\u2019s absolutely called for, and other times it may just be completely irrational. There\u2019s a fine line between the two, and figuring out the root of your doubt is the first step in overcoming this dreaded feeling.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Firstly, we\u2019ll take a look at the reasons why you may be experiencing doubt, whether your doubts within your relationship are normal or if they\u2019re actually toxic, and then we\u2019ll look at possible solutions to overcome your doubt.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t let your stress, anxiety, and doubt get you down<\/span><\/a> when there are actionable steps you can take to process and work through it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why Are you Experiencing Doubt?<\/span><\/h2>\n

Doubt doesn\u2019t necessarily have to be a bad thing<\/b>. In fact, you could be experiencing this simply because your <\/span>relationship is moving into a new phase<\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Together, you and your partner are growing, changing, and discovering that you may have more differences than you had originally thought\u2026 and that\u2019s okay!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When change arises, so does doubt.<\/b> Change is scary for so many people. And if you\u2019ve ever taken on a new and challenging job, <\/span>moved cities or countries<\/span><\/a>, or even experienced a big breakup<\/a>, for example, you\u2019ll surely be able to agree that it had the capacity to give you a lot of stress.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So, just like taking on that new career challenge, moving homes, or starting a single life, being in a relationship that is continuously growing and changing can be scary.<\/span><\/p>\n

When stress arises, so does doubt. <\/b>As mentioned, stressful situations are definitely a cause for doubt. And when things are getting more serious, or you and your partner are going through a massive hurdle or change, like discussing the future or moving in together, this could prompt you to ask yourself a series of questions.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You may be asking yourself: <\/span>\u201c<\/span><\/i>Is it normal that I still find other people attractive if my partner is truly \u2018the one\u2019?<\/span><\/i><\/a>\u201d<\/span><\/i>, or <\/span>\u201cAre our differences so big, that we may not have a successful future together?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

A fear of intimacy can lead to doubt.<\/b> As your relationship progresses, you may start an internal monologue that questions whether you can actually <\/span>commit<\/span>. In this way, you may be pushing your partner away subconsciously, which you need to recognise as self-sabotaging behaviour.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Your past could provoke doubt. <\/b>Different experiences have the capacity to make or break you. And if you\u2019ve gone through some form of trauma in the past, this could directly influence your doubt today.<\/span><\/p>\n

For example, if you have a history of <\/span>dating people who cheat<\/span>, you may be transferring those doubts onto your new partner. If that\u2019s the case, it\u2019s about looking at those situations objectively and in isolation, asking yourself if that is the root of your doubt and what you can do to change it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Perhaps you have a tendency to choose bad partners, or maybe it\u2019s just a question of <\/span>trust<\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Tools You Can Use to Deal With Your Feelings of Doubts<\/span><\/h2>\n

Firstly, it\u2019s important to realise that the doubt itself is rarely the actual problem. Having doubts and not <\/span>communicating them to your partner<\/span><\/a> is what allows the doubt to grow and fester.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

To overcome your doubt, communicate<\/span><\/h3>\n

If you\u2019ve got a partner who is reliable, nurturing and kind, talking to them about your fears and doubts should prove to be a constructive and positive experience. This, in turn, will strengthen your relationship while helping those pesky doubts to subside.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you\u2019re feeling nervous or apprehensive about talking to your partner, then the bigger question is, why? Is your partner open to communicating? Or are you afraid and unsure of how to deal with conflict and fear being vulnerable?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If it\u2019s the latter, then the issue is not within the relationship, but rather an internal war.<\/span><\/p>\n

To overcome your doubt, be mindful of other people\u2019s influences<\/span><\/h3>\n

If you\u2019re a person who is easily influenced by people\u2019s opinions and thoughts, try to actively avoid engaging in conversation about your doubts with people who are negative.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Oftentimes, talking to the wrong person about personal issues can make the situation appear worse, and can increase your feelings of doubt.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This is not to say that you should not be talking to anyone about your feelings, but finding a suitable friend or family member to talk to who\u2019ll help you see things both positive and negative can be a refreshing perspective for you.<\/span><\/p>\n

Alternatively, seeking <\/span>help from a counselor<\/span> will provide you with objective thoughts, opinions, and advice. An outsider\u2019s perspective is always a great idea.<\/span><\/p>\n

Are Your Relationship Doubts Valid or Are They Simply Toxic?<\/span><\/h2>\n

To be able to identify whether your doubts are valid or toxic, you\u2019ll first have to be able to tell the difference.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Toxic Doubt<\/span><\/h3>\n

For example: if you catch your partner looking at another person, or they say that they\u2019ll text you at lunch time but don\u2019t, doubt is a normal response. It can however be considered <\/span>toxic<\/span> when the doubt and anxiety starts to interfere with your daily life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And this is where the terms, \u2018attachment anxiety\u2019 and \u2018double relationship-vulnerability\u2019, come in.<\/span><\/p>\n

Attachment anxiety<\/b> is when people tend to assume the worst in their relationship. This leads them to live in constant fear that they\u2019ve done or said something wrong or that they\u2019ll be dumped, and in response they become overly needy or clingy.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Double relationship-vulnerability<\/b> is when someone relies solely on their partner to define their self-worth. In this way, they\u2019re constantly worrying over the smallest of things, which leads them into a frenzy of doubt.<\/span><\/p>\n

Interestingly, <\/span>a study was undergone by Guy Doron<\/span><\/a>, a psychologist, and his team to test the correlation between those who continuously and obsessively questioned their relationship and the amount of doubt and anxiety they experienced.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The study found that the two were highly linked, and thus the amount of doubt and anxiety were higher in test subjects who had irrational worries about their relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n

How can you deal with toxic doubt? <\/b>You can start by trying to recognise when doubt is irrational. What are some of the triggers that cause your doubt (such as not hearing from your partner for a day, or something your partner said).<\/span><\/p>\n

Once you\u2019re able to recognize these toxic thoughts, you can start working to change them. Slowly try to hinder reacting to your doubt.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This could be actively stopping yourself from calling your partner obsessively because they did not answer their phone the first time, or trying to hack into their <\/span>email or Facebook account<\/span> in hopes of \u2018catching them out\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\n

Valid Doubt<\/span><\/h3>\n

If your partner refuses to tell you where they\u2019re going, doesn\u2019t allow you to see your friends, or <\/span>abuses you physically, mentally, or emotionally<\/span>\u2026 these are all red flags.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This kind of doubt is 100 percent valid, and actually has nothing to do with you. This is a question of your partner\u2019s lack of respect, need for control, and betrayal, and should be addressed – never ignored.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you, or someone you know, are experiencing physical, mental, or emotional turmoil, it\u2019s important to realise that it is not your fault, and that this kind of abuse is never okay.<\/span><\/p>\n

How can you deal with valid doubt? <\/b>Oftentimes people don\u2019t realise that they\u2019re being mentally or emotionally manipulated or abused. This kind of abuse is easy to push under the rug, and shrug off because it may not appear to be \u2018that bad\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\n

In actuality however, mental and emotional manipulation can instill feelings of doubt, shame, and <\/span>guilt<\/span> within the receiver, and can heavily affect their <\/a><\/span>self-esteem,<\/span> self-worth, self-respect, and dignity.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This kind of abuse can take shape in the form of name calling, or communicating in such a way that it makes one believe that they\u2019re a bad person – for example: <\/span>\u201cYou\u2019re always getting this wrong!\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

It can also be in the form of yelling, swearing, embarrassing others in public about their shortcomings, using threats, monitoring movements, taking financial control, and or commenting negatively on someone\u2019s appearance in a detrimental fashion.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you are experiencing these kinds of abuse from your partner, and or physical abuse, you should either:<\/span><\/p>\n