{"id":27158,"date":"2019-12-01T13:00:25","date_gmt":"2019-12-01T12:00:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=27158"},"modified":"2024-09-25T20:21:24","modified_gmt":"2024-09-25T18:21:24","slug":"ethics-of-kink-moral-sense-of-sadomasochism","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/ethics-of-kink-moral-sense-of-sadomasochism\/","title":{"rendered":"The Ethics of Kink: Making Moral Sense of Sadomasochism"},"content":{"rendered":"

The practice of sadomasochism generally involves a dominant partner degrading, humiliating, or inflicting pain on a submissive partner<\/a>, generally for the dominant\u2019s pleasure.<\/span><\/p>\n

That simple definition immediately raises some serious ethical questions. On of the key tenets of ethics states that it is fundamentally and morally wrong to use someone as a means to an end. The implication is that it\u2019s ethical to respect another\u2019s value as a human. Anything less would be unethical.<\/span><\/p>\n

Is Sadomasichism Ethical?<\/h3>\n

How, then, do we reconcile the conflict between degrading, humiliating or hurting someone while also respecting their value as a human?<\/span><\/p>\n

Kink and BDSM activity often incorporate the use of highly offensive, sexist or racist language that we would consider totally unacceptable in any other social context. So how can we justify morally the use of highly sexist language and still to respect their inherent value?<\/span><\/p>\n

Every thoughtful and reflective dom will at one point or another wrestle with the conflict of being mean to someone they love. If they experience that conflict, they\u2019re a sociopath, and sociopathy is defined partially by unethical behaviour. A sociopath has no respect for anyone but themselves, and that implies to me that the disrespect inherent in healthy BDSM is actually simulated.<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s the Appeal of Sadomasochism?<\/h3>\n

The attraction to sadomasochism<\/a> for partners who clearly respect each other is in pretending they don\u2019t, safely. Perhaps the best way to consider the position of ethics in S&M is as a kind of make-believe. Consider children playing cowboys and Indians. As we mature, we might see the inherent racism in that make-believe, but it\u2019s not real. BDSM, by extension, should be seen as the recognition of mutual value, rather than objects used purely unethically, as means to an end.<\/span><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s go deeper still. A lot of people struggle to understand how a feminist can be a submissive in a heterosexual relationship. Surely female empowerment and female submission are incompatible?<\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t believe so. They\u2019re not only compatible, in many cases they\u2019re synonymous: submission IS empowerment. Taking the concept of make-believe and running with it, the consensual and conscious decision<\/a> to give up sexual control for a time becomes an enfranchised one, instead of a disenfranchised one.<\/span><\/p>\n

There is power in the act of willingly giving up power. It\u2019s these complexities and contradictions that make BDSM so intensely thrilling and satisfying.<\/span><\/p>\n

References<\/b><\/p>\n

Stear N-H (2009). \u201cSadomasochism as Make-Believe,\u201d Hypatia 24(2): 1\u201338.<\/span><\/p>\n

Weiss, M. (2011) Techniques of Pleasure. BDSM and the Circuits of Sexuality, Durham and London, Duke University Press.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Brogaard, B (2019). \u201cS&M\u2019s Ethical Predicament,\u201d <\/span>https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/gb\/blog\/the-mysteries-love\/201909\/sadomasochisms-ethical-predicament<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

See also<\/strong><\/p>\n