{"id":27264,"date":"2019-12-14T13:15:14","date_gmt":"2019-12-14T12:15:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=27264"},"modified":"2025-09-15T04:20:54","modified_gmt":"2025-09-15T02:20:54","slug":"demisexuality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/demisexuality\/","title":{"rendered":"What\u2019s the Deal with Demisexuality?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Have you ever felt just a little bit different when it comes to how you feel desire for other people?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

While gender, sexuality and desire will never feel exactly the same for any two people, some of the common cultural narratives we have exist because, well, they\u2019re common. But, while those \u2018common\u2019 experiences of love and sex may be widespread, they don\u2019t speak for everyone. <\/span><\/p>\n

What Is Demisexuality?<\/h2>\n

In demisexuality, the connection between people is the source of attraction. Demisexuals define themselves as becoming sexually attracted to someone the deeper and longer they know them. Demisexuality requires closeness and emotional intimacy, and a prominent element of friendship is central to the attraction.<\/span><\/p>\n

In this way, sexual attractions are built very gradually, rather than immediately. In fact, it\u2019s perfectly normal for a demisexual person to indicate no lust or sexual desire at all on first meeting, but for that magnetism to develop slowly, over time.<\/span><\/p>\n

The feeling of \u201clove at first sight\u201d doesn\u2019t exist for this population. They don\u2019t experience that instant punch of dopamine and adrenaline and butterflies and lust, not in the way we think about it. For demisexuals, it\u2019s a slow burn, but no less intense.<\/span><\/p>\n

Many people prefer to only engage in sex (<\/span>however you choose to define it<\/span><\/a>) with committed, romantic partners. However, choosing to have sex later in a relationship isn\u2019t the same as a lack of attraction due to no emotional connection. <\/span><\/p>\n

Think about it this way \u2013 you can decide to save sex for marriage, but still get turned on every time you see your favorite actor <\/span>getting steamy on screen<\/span><\/a>. Demisexuals, however, do not.<\/span><\/p>\n

Demisexuality is commonly grouped into <\/span>asexuality<\/span><\/a> on the scale of experienced desire for other people, but they are not synonymous.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dating as a Demisexual<\/h3>\n

While we think the openness with which people treat sex in their dating lives has led to increased ability to get what you want out of your sex and\/or romantic life, it might not always feel like it for demisexuals. <\/span><\/p>\n

The idea that sex is readily available, means that many people would take someone\u2019s initial lack of sexual interest to as being “friend zoned<\/a>.” Problematic for those who need the time to develop an emotional connection first.<\/span><\/p>\n

As with much of our love and sex advice, it really boils down to communication and being informed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Dating Someone Who Is Demisexual<\/h3>\n

You shouldn\u2019t assume that a demisexual person you\u2019ve just met is bound to fall in love and lust with you given enough time, but if you\u2019re interested in them, it’s worth being patient. And, unlike <\/span>low libido<\/span><\/a>, there\u2019s no reason to assume that your relationship with a demisexual person will have low sex-per-week rate, once that connection is formed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Potential Problems Specific To Demisexuals<\/h3>\n

Demisexuals sometimes encounter a problem that few of us ever have to deal with: the fact that sexual attraction is based on friendship means that, eventually, that friendship is sexualized, and it may only be from one of the participants, since the other may not identify as demisexual. In other words, demisexuality can be dangerous for long-lasting friendships.<\/span><\/p>\n

Demisexuality seems to transcend gender and sexual identity, instead of focusing on the connection between people over and above all external considerations. But it\u2019s complex, particularly because the recipient of a demisexual\u2019s affection and sexual attraction may not be aware of it, and continue to believe that the relationship is a friendly one. You can imagine how frustrating this must eventually be for a demisexual.<\/span><\/p>\n

As we progress culturally and socially, and begin to understand that our sexualities are as unique as our fingerprints,\u00a0 sexualities like demisexuality need to be understood and considered.<\/span><\/p>\n

Explore pleasure with:<\/h4>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Have you ever felt just a little bit different when it comes to how you feel desire for other people?\u00a0 While gender, sexuality and desire will never feel exactly the same for any two people, some of the common cultural narratives we have exist because, well, they\u2019re common. But, while those \u2018common\u2019 experiences of love and sex may be widespread, they don\u2019t speak for everyone. What Is Demisexuality? In demisexuality, the connection between people is the source of attraction. Demisexuals […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":92,"featured_media":31369,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,929],"tags":[669,1102],"coauthors":[949],"class_list":["post-27264","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sexual-health","category-sexual-wellness","tag-sexual-health","tag-sexuality"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nNot Sure if You\u2019re Demisexual? Here\u2019s What Demisexuality Means<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Does your sexuality feel just a little bit different? 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