{"id":29426,"date":"2020-04-03T12:59:57","date_gmt":"2020-04-03T10:59:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=29426"},"modified":"2020-04-02T11:20:00","modified_gmt":"2020-04-02T09:20:00","slug":"getting-a-woman-off-with-a-sex-toy-doesnt-count","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/getting-a-woman-off-with-a-sex-toy-doesnt-count\/","title":{"rendered":"Getting a Woman Off With a Sex Toy Doesn\u2019t Count\u2026 Duh!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Know the feeling when you have an itch in a hard-to-reach spot on your back, and you try everything within your power to relieve it? This involves rubbing the spot vigorously against a wall, grabbing a long stick of some sort, or even asking someone to help you out.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And when you finally do rid the itch, it\u2019s immensely satisfying and leaves you with a feeling of content and happiness.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, <\/span>ladies, think about your orgasm<\/span>. You too can \u2018scratch an itch\u2019 via a number of different and innovative ways, be it a hand, a mouth, a toy, a certain speed, a certain rhythm etc.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And when you think about the fact that each individual, be it a man or woman, has their own specific likes and dislikes, it\u2019s impossible to adopt the one-size-fits-all attempt when it comes to getting off.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Basically, having a favorite sex toy is just good practice. Do you want a mediocre orgasm or a mind blowing one? The latter, obviously.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Getting<\/p>\n

Sad thing is, when it comes to the female orgasm, there are men who believe that using sex toys to make her come is like \u2018<\/span>cheating<\/span><\/a>\u2019, and thus doesn\u2019t count. To that, I want to refer to an analogy I read on <\/span>Psychology Today<\/span><\/i>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It referenced the fact that a skilled craftsman uses tools in order to create his masterpieces, but it is not these tools that make him skilled. The tools merely enhance the final result. And when translated to men who use sex toys with their female partners, the same applies.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So, for men who believe that it doesn\u2019t count if you get her off <\/span>using a sex toy<\/span>\u2026 you\u2019re actually a skilled craftsman with the power to be innovative and open-minded enough to use tools for the greater good.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sex toys aside, it\u2019s fairly well-known that men are super motivated when it comes to helping a woman reach orgasm. Why is that?<\/span><\/p>\n

Is it because they\u2019re selfless beings with no hidden agenda? Is it because of <\/span>love<\/span> and passion? Or is it because they\u2019re trying to stroke their ego and maintain a certain level of masculinity? All of the above and more!<\/span><\/p>\n

Perhaps this will help us to understand why some men are <\/span>intimidated by sex toys<\/span><\/a>\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Why Do Men Want Their Female Partners to Orgasm?<\/span><\/h2>\n

A Masculine Achievement<\/span><\/h3>\n

A <\/span>2017 study<\/span><\/a> conducted by Sara B. Chadwick and Sari M. van Anders suggests that men are motivated to make their female partners orgasm because it\u2019s seen as a masculine achievement.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In it, they gathered 810 men and measured their level of <\/span>sexual self-esteem<\/span><\/a>. They did this by having these men listen to four different erotic stories where they pictured themselves as the male in them. In some, the man was able to make his partner orgasm, and in others, they were not.<\/span><\/p>\n

The results were that they felt more masculine with higher levels of sexual self-esteem when the outcome was a female orgasm.<\/span><\/p>\n

The authors of the study concluded:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMen who have sex with women clearly have a stake in women\u2019s orgasms. But some of the ways that heterosexuality is playing out seem to be that, for some men, their interest in women\u2019s orgasms is not really about women\u2019s pleasure. Instead, for these men, women\u2019s orgasm is actually about the men feeling good about their masculinity.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

They went on to say that \u201c<\/span>heteronormative masculinity is therefore a problem for men and for women, and needs addressing in personal and cultural ways<\/span><\/i>\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n

This study is an important one when it comes to the belief that making a partner orgasm with a sex toy doesn\u2019t count. It reveals that, for some, the <\/span>female orgasm<\/span> isn\u2019t about sexual liberation at all, it\u2019s about a male ego boost. And this ego boost and feeling of masculine pride isn\u2019t half as intense when tools have been used to assist them.<\/span><\/p>\n

In fact, the authors of the study even proclaimed:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIf men will not hear a woman\u2019s insistence that she does not orgasm, does not want to try to orgasm, or orgasms only via non-partnered stimulation, e.g. self-stimulation or toys, they may experience the absence of women\u2019s orgasms as a personal failure or even a challenge.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

The bigger problem here, is women who feed into the male ego by allowing them to believe that they\u2019ve made them orgasm (i.e. faking it). It was found that <\/span>many women find themselves faking an orgasm merely for their male partner\u2019s benefit<\/span><\/a>. But where does that leave her? Unsatisfied.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why Do Some Men Hate Sex Toys?<\/span><\/h2>\n

To flip things, why <\/span>do<\/span><\/i> some men hate sex toys? Well, as mentioned, many men believe that it feels like they\u2019re <\/span>cheating in the \u2018game\u2019 that is to make their female partner orgasm<\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

They want to believe that they\u2019re 100 percent responsible for her orgasm because then they can be awarded with the above-mentioned masculinity points. But that\u2019s not the only reason\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

For some men, they feel as though a sex toy has the ability to replace them. After all, a man\u2019s penis is often a symbol of their worth\u2014the size, shape, and ability to get and stay erect. <\/span>Porn<\/span><\/a> only reinforces this, displaying women who appear to be floating on Cloud Nine when a man\u2019s dick is shoved in their face (or elsewhere).<\/span><\/p>\n

And then there\u2019s the question of, why would a woman need a man when they have something that buzzes and dances so rhythmically that it\u2019s like a beautiful piece of poetry being unfolded during heightened arousal?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sure, sex toys are fantastic, and sure, they can do things that no human can, but that\u2019s just the thing\u2026 a sex toy can\u2019t do what a human can.<\/span><\/p>\n

Humans crave intimacy, love, and passion<\/span>. There\u2019s an innate need to feel safe, nurtured, and embraced by others. Because of this, it\u2019s simply impossible for a sex toy to replace a man. A sex toy is like an appetiser, something to wet your beak.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But then, how does a woman relay this to her partner?<\/span><\/p>\n

How to Introduce Sex Toys into the Bedroom<\/span><\/h2>\n

By now, it\u2019s fairly evident that some men may be sensitive when it comes to using sex toys in the bedroom. And the best way to move forward is for women to have the courage to talk about it<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

By addressing the link between the <\/span>female orgasm<\/span> and high levels of masculinity, we can work to eradicate it. How can this be done?<\/span><\/p>\n

Women, it\u2019s the right time to sit down with your male partner and sensitively talk about your needs in the bedroom. If you\u2019re prone to faking it, you could mention the fact that a high percentage of women find it difficult or impossible to climax during penetration. In this way, you can suggest new and different ways to enjoy foreplay together.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You too can mention the fact that a sex toy is simply an added bonus in the bedroom, and that his affection, stimulation, embrace, and emotional investment in you is the reason why a sex toy could never replace him.<\/span><\/p>\n

Additionally, it may be interesting for him to know that there are many <\/span>sex toys for men<\/a> and for couples<\/a><\/span>, giving him the ability to see what all the hype is about.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

According to sex therapist, Ian Kerner, choosing a <\/span>sex toy for couples<\/span> together is a great way to involve him in the process. He says:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOccasionally letting the man \u2018drive\u2019 so that he can explore and develop his own expertise with the toy, can help him feel more in control.<\/span><\/i>\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

He also encourages couples to see sex toys as an addition to intercourse, not a replacement.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Initiating this kind of conversation with your male partner may work wonders when it comes to mutual satisfaction in the bedroom\u2014a tryst that involves both the celebration of female sexuality, <\/span>and<\/span><\/i> the celebration of male masculinity.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

At the end of the day however, the real issue here, it seems, isn\u2019t the act of bringing sex toys into the bedroom<\/a>, it\u2019s the ability for women to be sexually honest. Wouldn\u2019t you agree that it\u2019s time for change?<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Know the feeling when you have an itch in a hard-to-reach spot on your back, and you try everything within your power to relieve it? This involves rubbing the spot vigorously against a wall, grabbing a long stick of some sort, or even asking someone to help you out.\u00a0 And when you finally do rid the itch, it\u2019s immensely satisfying and leaves you with a feeling of content and happiness.\u00a0 Now, ladies, think about your orgasm. You too can \u2018scratch […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":115,"featured_media":29427,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,900],"tags":[135,131],"coauthors":[],"class_list":["post-29426","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sexual-health","category-sex-toys-review","tag-masturbation","tag-vibrators"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhy Are Men so Intimidated by Sex Toys?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Many men are intimidated by sex toys, and the reason may just surprise you\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/getting-a-woman-off-with-a-sex-toy-doesnt-count\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" 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