{"id":31355,"date":"2020-09-23T12:20:30","date_gmt":"2020-09-23T10:20:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=31355"},"modified":"2020-09-28T11:18:34","modified_gmt":"2020-09-28T09:18:34","slug":"how-long-should-sex-last","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/how-long-should-sex-last\/","title":{"rendered":"How Long Should Sex Last?"},"content":{"rendered":"

There is no such thing as a normal sexual response. Everybody reacts differently, sexually speaking. There are as many different sexual responses as there are people on this big dumb planet. There is immeasurable variation in the way individual people enjoy and respond to sexual activity. Most sex that happens is, statistically, not very good.<\/span><\/p>\n

You might be surprised to discover that the average duration of penetrative sex for a straight couple is rarely longer than five minutes. Vaginal sex that lasts more than ten minutes was deemed \u2018too long\u2019 by a recent survey, but two minutes was \u2018too short.\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But that makes me wonder: deemed by who? I think it\u2019s fair to say that few LELO customers would agree that penetrative sex lasting ten minutes was too long. Most of us like sex more than that, don\u2019t we?<\/span><\/p>\n

(Interestingly, non-straight and nonbinary sex seems to last longer by pretty much every standard.)<\/span><\/p>\n

\"How<\/p>\n

How long sexual activity lasts depends on a lot of variables. The age of the participants is a key factor. The newness of the relationship seems to be a factor too, with newer relationships lasting longer in bed as the partners explore each other. The length of foreplay also has an impact on the length of sex \u2013 if you consider them separately, which we don\u2019t generally. Whether or not breaks are taken during the action, and whether alcohol has been consumed also matters, among much else. Also, people aren\u2019t necessarily telling the truth about the duration of their sex, and out of embarrassment, three minutes can easily inflate to fifteen. All of these things are normal.<\/span><\/p>\n

If it’s a straight coupling, these numbers depend largely on the male participant. Sex tends to rely more on men to happen and be prolonged than it does on women in straight couples, because the man\u2019s orgasm is traditionally, and unfairly, the end of the encounter. But that\u2019s not always the case. As we age, the ability to perform sexually becomes a burden on both partners<\/a> as it becomes harder for a man to maintain an erection, and harder for a woman to remain lubricated.<\/span><\/p>\n

It’s also possible that at some stage of the proceedings, one or both partners might become disengaged, or even bored, and sex might transition from pleasurable to painful or uncomfortable. The issue then becomes not one of how long one partner can last before orgasm, but one of how long one partner can tolerate the discomfort. None of this makes for a pleasurable sexual encounter.<\/span><\/p>\n

This issue is then compounded. He might climax too soon<\/a>, or too slowly, to maintain his erection and her arousal. The point is that sex is difficult, and the duration of it is clearly a poor metre of its ability to satisfy. Orgasm too soon, and one partner will be left unsatisfied. Take too long, and the partner might stop enjoying it. All this implies that there is some kind of golden rule, a perfect amount to be having sex. But since everybody experiences their sexual responses differently, how can there be?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The trick is not in sexual ability, but in a kind of non-verbal negotiation, over time. All these points interfere with the question, how long should sex last? Taking the idea that sex should be pleasurable for all participants as given, how long sex should last is determined best by those participants and them alone. Since everybody\u2019s sexual response is entirely idiosyncratic, the question is not one of duration, but of compatibility<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

There is no clear, definitive answer to the question of the appropriate duration of sexual activity, so it\u2019s not possible to prescribe an amount. It\u2019s more like an algebraic equation, where we know the variables but not the specific values. It\u2019s up to the communication<\/a> of the participants to come to some kind of accord, often unspoken, about how long is too long, and how short is too short. For most of us, this process is an evolution, the agreement is reached over time. But for others, it\u2019s necessary to talk about and discuss these issues. It might be necessary to make the negotiation verbally.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Communication is the opiate of sex. Talking with a partner will ensure that you are eventually fulfilled, whether you want longer or shorter sex.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There is no such thing as a normal sexual response. Everybody reacts differently, sexually speaking. There are as many different sexual responses as there are people on this big dumb planet. There is immeasurable variation in the way individual people enjoy and respond to sexual activity. Most sex that happens is, statistically, not very good. You might be surprised to discover that the average duration of penetrative sex for a straight couple is rarely longer than five minutes. Vaginal sex […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":27,"featured_media":31356,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,929],"tags":[],"coauthors":[],"class_list":["post-31355","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sexual-health","category-sexual-wellness"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow Long Should Sex Last?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/how-long-should-sex-last\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How Long Should Sex Last?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"There is no such thing as a normal sexual response. 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