{"id":32654,"date":"2021-01-06T00:34:39","date_gmt":"2021-01-05T23:34:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=32654"},"modified":"2024-11-18T03:58:02","modified_gmt":"2024-11-18T02:58:02","slug":"using-sex-toys-during-partnered-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/using-sex-toys-during-partnered-sex\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Introduce Sex Toys During Sex: Therapist Casey Tanner"},"content":{"rendered":"

Introducing anything new into the bedroom (or wherever you’re getting it on) can be nerve-racking as it is, especially when it comes to the stigmas so closely tied to sex toys. We’re here to clear the air and offer some tips for communicating new desires with a partner who may not recognize the potential to increase your pleasure as a couple.<\/p>\n

\"Loki<\/h3>\n

Q: How do you choose a sex toy that\u2019s right for you, since it\u2019s not something you can return?\u00a0<\/b><\/h3>\n

If you\u2019re new to sex toys and want to get the lay of the land before investing in an entire toy collection, I recommend starting with a product that\u2019s simple yet versatile.\u00a0 LELO\u2019s GIGI 2<\/a>, for example, doubles as both a clitoral massager and a g-spot stimulator. Hold GIGI 2 upside down such that the flattened tip vibrates against your clitoris.\u00a0 Explore the different intensities and pulse settings, taking note of which feels best for you. Alternatively, hold GIGI 2 upright and place the shaft inside of you, angling the tip upwards toward your stomach. Notice whether you have a preference for using GIGI 2 internally or externally, and this preference can help guide what type of toy you invest in next time!<\/span><\/p>\n

Q: <\/b>How do I introduce sex toys to a partner who thinks they\u2019re only for femme people?<\/b><\/h3>\n

Your partner has bought into a common myth about sex toys; namely, that they threaten one\u2019s masculinity<\/a>. In reality, there is nothing inherently masculine or feminine about using a sex toy. Although most companies still market sex toys differently based on gender, sex toys are truly non-binary. Anatomy does not determine gender, so while not all sex toys work with all anatomies, sex toys are for people of all genders. It\u2019s not at all uncommon that masculine people might struggle with the idea of incorporating a toy into their sex life, because masculine folks are socialized to believe that they should be able to pleasure a partner without the use of a sex toy. These societally-imposed limitations, however, aren\u2019t serving anyone. Opening your sexual repertoire to sex toys does not make you feminine or masculine \u2013 it simply makes you a more well-rounded sexual partner.<\/span><\/p>\n

Q: <\/b>What can we do if our partner isn\u2019t open to the experience?<\/b><\/h3>\n

If your partner is shutting down the idea of using a sex toy without ever having tried one, get curious about why. Often times a lack of openness comes from false information about what it means to introduce a sex toy into one\u2019s relationship. For example, some people mistakenly believe that if they are doing a good enough job, their partner wouldn\u2019t desire a sex toy. Others might worry that a sex toy will \u201creplace them\u201d, or will desensitize their partner from human touch. None of these are evidence-based fears, and in actuality, studies show that use of a sex toy can improve overall sexual satisfaction in a relationship. Once you understand your partner\u2019s fear around introducing a sex toy, you\u2019ll be able to quell their specific anxieties.<\/span><\/p>\n

Q: <\/b>What if your partner is hesitant to introduce sex toys due to chronic pain?<\/b><\/h3>\n

First, validate their hesitancy. Many people with chronic pain have worked hard to find ways of having sex that minimize pain, so it makes sense that they\u2019re not jumping at the chance to introduce an unknown into their sex life. The good news is that in today\u2019s market, there are many toys designed specifically for diverse bodies including those with chronic pain \u2013 it may just take a while to find the one that works for you and your partner. When starting out, I\u2019d recommend investing in toys that stimulate externally, since chronic pain related to sex is typically associated with penetration. A toy like Smart Wand 2<\/a>, for example, is created to massage multiple erogenous zones on the body including the neck, arms, legs, back, and more. Depending on what type of chronic pain your partner struggles with, explore using Smart Wand 2 on their \u201csafe zones\u201d first, helping them to get used to the feel and experience of the toy before trying anything that might elicit discomfort. If you and your partner later decide to introduce penetrative toys, be sure to use a body safe lube<\/a> to help fend against chaffing, rubbing, and extra discomfort.<\/span><\/p>\n

Q: <\/b>Should I use the toys I like using on myself with a partner? Or different ones?<\/b><\/h3>\n

There is nothing wrong with introducing a sex toy that you love to your partner! They may love it, but be open to the idea that their body is looking for something a bit different. LELO\u2019s toys are wonderful to share among partners because the same toy has multiple intensity and pulsation settings, such that one partner might enjoy light, slow stimulation while the other prefers a hard, sustained massaging motion. When sharing toys, just remember to clean them<\/a> before your partner uses them every single time. Alternatively, place a condom<\/a> on the toy for easy clean up, and change condoms between uses to prevent infection.<\/span><\/p>\n

Q: <\/b>What is some language I can use to talk about sex toys with my partner?<\/b><\/h3>\n

When introducing toys into partnered sex<\/a>, I always suggest reinforcing how great the experience will be for the <\/span>relationship. <\/span><\/i>Too often, folks enter these conversations talking about what\u2019s missing, which may set their partner up to respond with anxiety and insecurity. Rather than approaching from a deficit mindset, let your partner know what excites you about the idea, and how you feel the toy will be connective for all parties involved. Also, when you introduce a sex toy, you don\u2019t have to be black and white about it; introducing a toy can happen slowly, with curiosity and exploration. If after a few minutes of exploring, you or your partner feels uncomfortable, that\u2019s okay! Take it slow, and give yourself time to find the right toy(s) for your erotic team. If your partner is open to the idea, browse toys online or at the store together, making the experience a joint effort.<\/span><\/p>\n

Q: <\/b>I can\u2019t reach orgasm through penetrative sex; what\u2019s the best product for me to orgasm?<\/b><\/h3>\n

You\u2019re not alone! Actually, about 75% of people with vulvas can\u2019t orgasm through penetration alone, so rest assured that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you or your body. You\u2019re more likely someone that will experience orgasm through clitoral stimulation, so look for a vibrator that is made to massage externally. This does not mean, of course, that you can\u2019t continue to enjoy penetrative sex. Many people enjoy combining clitoral stimulation with penetrative sex, either with the help of a partner or a toy. If this sounds enjoyable for you, try a toy like TIANI 3<\/a> that\u2019s designed for couples. Simply place one arm inside of your vagina and the other arm on your clitoris. TIANI 3 is small enough that there will still be room for vaginal penetration with a penis, fingers, or toy all while your clitoris continues to receive pleasure.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Introducing anything new into the bedroom (or wherever you’re getting it on) can be nerve-racking as it is, especially when it comes to the stigmas so closely tied to sex toys. We’re here to clear the air and offer some tips for communicating new desires with a partner who may not recognize the potential to increase your pleasure as a couple. Q: How do you choose a sex toy that\u2019s right for you, since it\u2019s not something you can return?\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":222,"featured_media":28081,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[925,884,912,910,911],"tags":[525,930,909,189,637],"coauthors":[1012],"class_list":["post-32654","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-committed","category-lelo-reviews","category-for-couples","category-for-men","category-for-women","tag-better-sex","tag-fact","tag-fact-checked-by-doctor","tag-healthy-relationship","tag-sex-tips"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nQ&A: Introducing Sex Toys to a Partner for Better Sex<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Introducing sex toys into partnered play can be equally intimidating as it is exciting. 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