{"id":33059,"date":"2021-02-20T12:52:50","date_gmt":"2021-02-20T11:52:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=33059"},"modified":"2021-02-26T14:54:47","modified_gmt":"2021-02-26T13:54:47","slug":"sex-is-not-better-when-its-rare","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/sex-is-not-better-when-its-rare\/","title":{"rendered":"Sex is NOT Better When It’s Rare"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you think having sex once a week (or month, or year) is enough, think again. Forget treating the Big O like a rare occasion that calls for taking out your grandma\u2019s china. Sex is something that should be on your menu as often as you dang well please \u2013 and if you\u2019re holding back because you\u2019ve been told sex should only be for special occasions, I\u2019ve got news for you.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"sex<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a new decade, baby \u2013 and it\u2019s time you took on more gratifying habits. But feeling resistance or shame around the thought of having sex multiple times a week (or hey, every day) isn\u2019t your fault. For as long as contemporary pop culture has reigned supreme, there\u2019s one major problem that has snuck into every corner of our media: shame.<\/span><\/p>\n

In movies, television, books, and music, sex is treated like something that just happens to us<\/a>, that catches us unawares. Characters seldom have agency around when it happens, and if they do, their plans are usually thwarted. There\u2019s no forward planning involved, no healthy appetite for frequent experimentation. If television has taught us anything about sex, it\u2019s that if you\u2019re about to get it, you\u2019d better already be starving.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But you know what? Pop culture isn\u2019t always right. If you ask me, we\u2019re better off without that toxic sludge the media has spoon-fed us. Sex isn\u2019t better when it\u2019s rare; the real treat unfolds when we celebrate our bodily autonomy and indulge in all those lush folds of pleasure whenever the mood strikes, free of limits and shame.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s not just my own opinion I\u2019m going off of here. There are a million reasons why you should be getting it on more frequently than \u2013 and the best reason of all just so happens to be the simplest, too:<\/span><\/p>\n

Sex should be fun<\/span><\/h2>\n

Think about the last time you and your partner went a hot minute without getting down and dirty. When the moment finally came upon you, were you both eager for some exploration? Did you try new things and whip out that underloved vibrator<\/a>? Probably not. Chances are, you went at it with a sense of urgency, skipping all that extra fluff that makes each encounter so delicious and different from the next.<\/span><\/p>\n

That primal howling at the moon with another body is all well and good, but sex should be rich with sensations. When you\u2019re only having sex once or twice a month, by the time you actually get around to stripping down, you may be so thirsty for it that you\u2019re grateful for whatever unfolds, without taking time to curate the event.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

While being easy-going is a fantastic trait in the sack, that attitude may also keep some folks from advocating for their fantasies<\/a>. Whether that\u2019s a complex roleplay<\/a> scenario or just a certain way we like to have our bodies touched, we all have some kink that titillates us the most. But when sex is a one-off event, we may be so preoccupied with getting it on in the first place that we don\u2019t allow ourselves the space to indulge a curiosity or loosen up.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the thing. Sex is more than just ticking off an orgasm or two; we should be indulging in play that ignites every nerve in harmony. And the way to find that pleasure isn\u2019t by treating sex like some celestial event; it\u2019s through letting ourselves really and truly play. When you have sex regularly, you get to experiment and see what feels good as you and your partners evolve. What works for you one month may not do it the next \u2013 and that\u2019s okay, because when you have sex often, you\u2019ll also learn another vital truth: sex should be silly.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yes, silly. When you have it infrequently, it\u2019s easy to treat it as so serious that a <\/span>queef<\/span><\/a> could ruin everything, and you may get hyper-focused on seeming sexy. With such rigidity, you lose the space to laugh and play, to explore each other\u2019s bodies and the depths of companionship with a lover. Even when your partners are casual<\/a>, what\u2019s the point of getting it on if you\u2019re not having fun?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You may not be bold enough to whip out the paddle or crack a joke if you\u2019re only hoping to just get an orgasm out of the whole deal. If you\u2019re only unwinding once in a blue moon, toys and costumes may gather dust. Plus, if you don\u2019t use a paddle for a long time, you may start feeling a little rusty \u2013 which is another reason we should all be getting it on a little more often…<\/span><\/p>\n

Sex is a skill<\/span><\/h2>\n

Just like anything else you do on the regular \u2013 yoga, sewing, cooking, playing guitar \u2013 sex is a skill. We all start out as shoddy lovers. But if we let go of the notion that sex is a fixed thing, something funny happens. Suddenly, new information comes out of the woodwork. Far from fixed, our sex skills can skyrocket if we only apply ourselves.<\/span><\/p>\n

When you\u2019re not getting it on that often, you don\u2019t have the time to try out new skills and pleasure your partner (or hey, yourself) in rich and satiating ways. Instead, you may get stuck approaching the same techniques over and over again, like a porn version of <\/span>Groundhog Day<\/span><\/i>. But when you have sex often, it goes back to the idea of sex being fun: you have space to try that new technique, like putting both balls in your mouth, or finally figuring out how to use a strap-on<\/a> well.<\/span><\/p>\n

Practicing and playfulness are how we up our game. Like every skill though, you need to put in ten thousand hours of applied practice before you achieve master status. When you have sex often, you may be inclined to read more books and articles about it or watch videos on how to be a better lover. We all have it in us to become mind-blowing lovers \u2013 all it takes is a little honing of our technique. Plus, as we become better in bed, we may find ourselves improving in other areas as well.<\/span><\/p>\n

Frequent sex teaches you a lot about yourself<\/span><\/h2>\n

Sex is more than just getting to try the weird stuff \u2013 although that\u2019s always a treat. When you have sex often, you become able to identify what exactly gets you off. The tongue techniques, the sway of the hips, or what someone does with their fingers; you\u2019re suddenly familiar with all of it, making you a rounded sexual being capable of vocalizing your desires. If you only have sex with your partner once a week or less, it\u2019s easy to lose your footing and not know how to advocate for what gets you off most.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sex is good for you<\/span><\/h2>\n

There are so many reasons that sex is an amazing boon for your health that I could <\/span>dedicate several thousand words to the subject all by itself. But I\u2019ll keep it brief. Sex is an incredible technique for keeping your body and mind healthy. Some of my favorite ways that hanky panky helps us stay perky?<\/span><\/p>\n