{"id":36490,"date":"2021-07-28T14:00:24","date_gmt":"2021-07-28T12:00:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=36490"},"modified":"2021-08-10T09:42:17","modified_gmt":"2021-08-10T07:42:17","slug":"the-fun-of-teasing-and-denial","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/the-fun-of-teasing-and-denial\/","title":{"rendered":"The Fun of Teasing and Denial"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sex is such a dang joy. When we\u2019re deep in the moment with a partner and things go from hot to sizzling, sometimes it can feel like we\u2019re a deep sea diver, heading straight down, down, down to the final prize all the way at the bottom. <\/span><\/p>\n

In those moments, pleasure is a pinprick on the map, a goal we\u2019re barrelling towards as fast as we possibly can, knowing that the reward at the end is sweet and oh, so satisfying.<\/span><\/p>\n

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In those spaces of animal urgency, it can feel like nothing will distract us from that final end goal: an explosive orgasm<\/a>. We work towards it without letting up until both we and our partner(s) have reached that ultimate satisfaction.<\/span><\/p>\n

But while heading straight for the prize can be nice (quickies<\/a> in public, anyone?) there\u2019s something to be said about looking at your sex life from a whole new angle. When you surrender to that animal passion of hurtling towards orgasm, you can sometimes lose sight of the finer points of makin\u2019 that sweet love. Rather than treating it like a 5k on paved roads, it\u2019s nice to remember that sex can (and should) be more like a rolling stroll through an unmarked trail.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

That\u2019s not to say all slowed-down sex<\/a> should be vanilla and saccharine with John Mayer playing in the background. Taking your time in bed can involve all kinds of kinky fun: heavy foreplay, impact play<\/a>, adventurous new toys \u2013 and the blessed art of the tease.<\/span><\/p>\n

Teasing and denial might just be an untapped angle of the bedroom that you haven\u2019t given much time to before. After all, it does seem a little mean to take something away, right? But when you incorporate teasing or denial, you\u2019re building each moment of pleasure, and your partner is experiencing new heights that only you can release them from.<\/span><\/p>\n

Best of all, sexy teasing and denial are a dream addition to literally everybody\u2019s bedroom game. Whether you\u2019re monogs or solo poly, vanilla or elbows deep in a dom\/sub relationship, adding a little tease and denial to your rotation will jettison you and your partners\u2019 pleasure to whole new peaks.<\/span><\/p>\n

What\u2019s so great about teasing and denial?<\/span><\/h2>\n

While all consensual and passionate time in the sack is a dream, when you incorporate an element of denial into the mix, you awaken a yearning in yourself and your partner that may not be something either of you have experienced before.<\/span><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s an analogy: think of it like the excitement that builds when your favorite series has a sequel coming out. Although it\u2019s fun to binge read, say, all the books of that fantasy series you love in one go (looking at you, Jacqueline Carey), it\u2019s nice to hum with anticipation and grow more and more eager as you wait for the next book to come out. When it finally, finally comes, you\u2019re about ready to burst as you wonder what\u2019s coming next.<\/span><\/p>\n

Although sexy teasing doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019ll be waiting anywhere near as long as you do for the next book release, the sentiment is the same. Sure, we can thrust ourselves right into O-town and have those fireworks come in under ten minutes, and yes, the orgasm will still be great and we\u2019ll still be satiated, but after that, it\u2019s done. We tidy up and move on to the next thing. With a little denial peppered in there, we know that orgasm may come, but because we don\u2019t know when, all that pleasure just builds in our body. What was once familiar becomes brand new.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

By slowly building up that pleasure, then backing off, you and your partner(s) are building the pressure and the anticipation, drumming up to that final crescendo with no idea if or when it\u2019ll come. That element of surrender helps you both just savor the sensations as they are, without an agenda.<\/span><\/p>\n

How to tease like a pro<\/span><\/h2>\n

Like with just about anything in the world, it starts with the visuals. You may think that tease begins with bodily touch, but you should start thinking about tease and denial before the clothes even begin to come off. Sure, you may have spent the past decade married, but that doesn\u2019t mean you need to skip the fanfare of stripping down. If you\u2019re starting out fully clothed, take your time getting naked. Strip slowly, have them sit back, and roll your body close to theirs without letting them touch you \u2013 unless you guide their hands to the places they\u2019re allowed to fondle. <\/span><\/p>\n

When you finally take your panties\/boxer briefs\/undies off, cup your body with your hands to hide what it is they\u2019re eager to see. If you\u2019re feeling extra frisky, let them touch, but not look. By evoking a sense of mystery (even if you brush your teeth naked beside your partner most nights), you\u2019re establishing a sense of anticipation that will infuse itself across your sex life in new and exciting ways.<\/span><\/p>\n

Once you start kissing and touching one another, the fun has just begun. Rather than going straight between their legs, explore other areas first \u2013 like the spaces around common erogenous zones. Graze your fingernails along the inner crease of their thigh, kiss and lick along the neck before reaching their ears, or just barely brush your fingertips along their most tender spots. Your partner will be panting before you even get started.<\/span><\/p>\n

Once things start heating up and you find yourselves grinding in the bed, take time as you head down south. Linger with your mouth or fingers, and explore new sensations. Give them a taste of the sensations you know they like before pulling back and trying something fresh, like a shock to their system. Graze against their most titillating spots and swirl slowly inward.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If penetration is on the table, teasing and denial come into full limelight. Alternate shallow and deep thrusts, keeping your partner on their toes to not know what to expect. Try nine shallow thrusts and one deep one, then eight shallow and two deep, and so on. By not establishing a clear rhythm, your partner will catch glimpses of heaven \u2013 and you\u2019ll be the only thing that can take them there.<\/span><\/p>\n

Teasing through dirty talk<\/span><\/h3>\n

Teasing and denial don\u2019t just feature in the physical; it\u2019s a prime way to step up your dirty talk game<\/a>, as well. If you\u2019re like many folks in the sack, you\u2019re probably a little like a dirty talking Woody doll from Toy Story: a handful of select phrases on rotation depending on the moves you whip out.<\/span><\/p>\n

When you add a little bit of the tease to the mix, you\u2019re suddenly unleashing a whole new world of ways to talk dirty. Asking them to beg, teasing them about what you won\u2019t give them yet (no matter how badly they want it), and telling them all the ways you\u2019ll please them later, are all fair game. Plus, not only is this a great way to add new phrases to your bedroom talk. It\u2019s also just plain and dirty fun.<\/span><\/p>\n

While you\u2019re holding them back (sometimes literally) from reaching those peaks, even just asking them what they want from you can feel almost illegally sexy. There\u2019s something to be said about your partner\u2019s breathy voice as they tell you aloud exactly what they want.<\/span><\/p>\n

Try this kind of dirty talk before sex even begins. Establish your teasing and denial fantasy from the get-go and be bold: whisper in their ear that you\u2019ll have them begging for it by the time you\u2019re done.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Feeling shy? Remember to be bold. Things sound silly when you\u2019re self-conscious that sound sexy and dope as hell when you are confident about your delivery. With a little confidence and practice, you can find that this new aspect of dirty talk will add a whole other layer to the sex appeal of the teasing\/denial dynamic.<\/span><\/p>\n

Orgasm denial<\/span><\/h3>\n

If all of this wets your appetite for more, and you\u2019re eager to take denial to a whole other level, you may want to explore a common dynamic in BDSM spheres: orgasm denial. By bringing your partner to the edge<\/a> multiple times without letting them orgasm until you decide they can, you are extending their pleasure in a whole new direction.<\/span><\/p>\n

Orgasm denial can unfold in many different ways. A few popular ways to deny orgasms include…<\/span><\/p>\n