{"id":38272,"date":"2022-03-24T02:17:42","date_gmt":"2022-03-24T01:17:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=38069"},"modified":"2024-10-30T05:22:45","modified_gmt":"2024-10-30T04:22:45","slug":"things-that-attract-us-others","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/things-that-attract-us-others\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Things that Attract Us Others, According to Psychology"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whether you\u2019ve got a fabulous bestie, are partnered up, happily married, enjoying a bit of <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/friends-with-benefits\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">fun with someone<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, or crushing on another person, what exactly is it that attracts you to them? Maybe you can name one or more reasons straight off the bat, or maybe you simply believe that they\u2019re special and deserve some of your attention.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Either way, there are actually five things that have the power to attract people to one another, according to psychology. Can you relate to any of them?<\/span><\/p>\n<h1><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What Attracts Us to Others?<\/span><\/h1>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Contrary to popular belief, there\u2019s various research to suggest that opposites don\u2019t really attract! Instead, it\u2019s often similarities that draw two people together. Of course, as diverse as we are, there are couples who couldn\u2019t be more different, yet still find themselves best friends, head over heels <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/signs-you-are-in-love\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">in love<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, or lusting after each other.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But when research is involved, here are five things that psychology has to say about what attracts us to others.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">5 Things That Attract People to Each Other, According to Psychology<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In short, we\u2019ll take a peek at these five factors that influence attraction, discovered during research:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Similarities<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Proximity\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Certain Conditions<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Impressions<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Physical Attractiveness\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">1. Similarities Attract<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/psycnet.apa.org\/record\/1965-12050-001\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">1965 study by Donn Byrne<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, 168 participants looked at an already-filled-in questionnaire completed by a total stranger. This questionnaire was comprised of questions about concerning their thoughts on <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">premarital sex<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, their favourite TV shows, etc. Afterwards, they were asked to rate the stranger.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The results showed that the participants were more attracted to those with whom they had <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/top-turn-ons-womens-sexual-fantasies-laid-bare\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">things in common.<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> It was also found that the proportion of similarity is more important than the overall number of similar attitudes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For example, having 7 out 10 similar traits (70 percent) showed more attraction as opposed to 30 similar traits out of 200 (15 percent).<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">2. Proximity Matters<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When it comes to the proximity of two people and levels of attractiveness, a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/psycnet.apa.org\/record\/1951-02994-000\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">1950 study<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> looked at whether people were more inclined to be better friends with someone who lived nearby. And by nearby, we mean in the same dormitory.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This study looked at 260 married veterans living in MIT dormitory residences by asking them to name their closest friends. Interestingly, 41 percent of the names listed were of people who stayed a mere one door away from them. This percentage decreased as the door proximity increased, with 10 percent of participants naming one or more of their closest friends as being four doors away.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In other words, subconsciously, we\u2019re more likely to form closer <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">friendships<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> based on how close a person is to us.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">3. Conditions Permitted<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This was a rather extraordinary <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/psycnet.apa.org\/record\/1975-03016-001\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">study<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, which focused on how one\u2019s <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/sex-and-anxiety-casey-tanner\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">level of anxiety<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> would influence their levels of attraction and arousal towards another. 85 men were recruited to either stand on a high, shaky suspension bridge, or a lower, more stable and less fearful bridge.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While on the bridge, they were introduced to an attractive woman who asked them to fill in a questionnaire on Thematic Apperception Test (TAT) pictures (in other words, they had to tell stories about ambiguous pictures). The attractive woman then gave the recruited men her phone number \u201cin case of any questions\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Interestingly, it was concluded that the men who met this woman on the higher, more shaky bridge were more inclined to tell <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/erotic-fantasies\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">stories that were sexual in nature<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. They were also more likely to call the female than those on the lower and safer bridge.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why could this be? Perhaps misattribution of <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/men-vs-women-why-and-how-do-we-experience-sexual-arousal\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">arousal<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, which is when one makes a mistake in assuming what is causing them to feel aroused.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">These results also check out due to the release of adrenaline, which too can increase one\u2019s level of arousal.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">4. Playing Hard to Get<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s widely assumed that people gain energy from \u2018the chase\u2019 when it comes to finding a romantic or <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">sexual partner<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, as many simply want what they can\u2019t have. Interestingly, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/psycnet.apa.org\/record\/1965-14921-001\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">a study by Elliot Aronson and Darwyn Linder<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> actually proved this assumption to be true.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Their research consisted of college students meeting an appointed person on a number of occasions under conditions which they believed to be by coincidence. However, this meeting was intentionally set up by the experimenter.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After a series of meetings, the college students were able to eavesdrop on conversations the appointed person had about them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The assessment criteria fell into four different categories: the evaluations were all highly positive, the evaluations were all quite negative, the first few evaluations were negative but gradually became positive, the first few evaluations were positive but gradually became negative.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Then, after eavesdropping, the college students revealed how <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">they<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> felt about the appointed person they were meeting. And, just as we assumed, the participants appeared to like the appointed person most when they \u201cgossiped\u201d about them by saying they initially had a negative reaction but, after time, had a positive reaction.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This simply goes to show that winning over people who had an initial negative impression of us is more rewarding than someone who liked us all along.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">5. Physical Attractiveness\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And last but not least, the criteria that a lot of people tend to base others off of: <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/things-you-dont-want-to-know-about-sexual-attraction\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">attractiveness<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/psycnet.apa.org\/record\/1973-09160-001\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">1972 study<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, 60 undergraduates were given photos of men and women of varying levels of attractiveness. They were then asked to rate them on different criteria.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The results showed that the \u2018more attractive\u2019 people were associated with character traits such as being kind, outgoing, modest, sensitive, sociable, and interesting.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Not just that, they also revealed that they believe the \u2018more attractive\u2019 people had better jobs, <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">better marriages,<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and better lives in general. Isn\u2019t that something!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Can you identify with any of these five things that seemingly attract us to others?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Whether you\u2019ve got a fabulous bestie, are partnered up, happily married, enjoying a bit of fun with someone, or crushing on another person, what exactly is it that attracts you to them? Maybe you can name one or more reasons straight off the bat, or maybe you simply believe that they\u2019re special and deserve some of your attention. Either way, there are actually five things that have the power to attract people to one another, according to psychology. Can you [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":115,"featured_media":38337,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[925,924,17,13,1245,923,1244],"tags":[137,669],"coauthors":[948],"class_list":["post-38272","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-committed","category-dating","category-sexual-health","category-sex-relationships","category-mens-health","category-single","category-womens-health","tag-health","tag-sexual-health"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.8.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Opposites Attract\u2026 Or Do They? Here are 5 Things that Attract Us to Others<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Find out what influences our levels of attraction to others, according to psychology.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/things-that-attract-us-others\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Opposites Attract\u2026 Or Do They? Here are 5 Things that Attract Us to Others\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Find out what influences our levels of attraction to others, according to psychology.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/things-that-attract-us-others\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Volont\u00e9\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/LELO.Official\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-03-24T01:17:42+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-10-30T04:22:45+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/things-that-attract-us-to-others_850x425.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"850\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"425\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Helena Lorimer\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@Lelo_Official\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Lelo_Official\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Helena Lorimer\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/things-that-attract-us-others\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/things-that-attract-us-others\/\",\"name\":\"Opposites Attract\u2026 Or Do They? 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