{"id":39018,"date":"2022-05-09T21:40:37","date_gmt":"2022-05-09T19:40:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=39018"},"modified":"2024-11-18T04:09:47","modified_gmt":"2024-11-18T03:09:47","slug":"what-is-gaslighting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/what-is-gaslighting\/","title":{"rendered":"What is Gaslighting? Are You a Victim of it?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Today, there are more \u2018names\u2019 for the kinds of things people have been experiencing for decades and decades. And this is actually a good thing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Way back when, people would experience all kinds of abuse\u2026 not as overtly as physical, but <\/span>mental<\/span>, psychological, and emotional. And these kinds of abuse are just as harmful (sometimes even more so) than physical abuse.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And that\u2019s why, today, we\u2019re talking about gaslighting (and love bombing).<\/span><\/p>\n

What is Gaslighting?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Gaslighting is a subtle form of <\/span>manipulation<\/span> and psychological control.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s when a victim is deliberately and systematically fed false information, which leads them to question all that they know to be true. Oftentimes, these lies are about the person themselves, which could lead to them doubting their own memory, perception, and even their sanity.<\/span><\/p>\n

What\u2019s even worse about gaslighting is that it takes place slowly and cunningly. So slow, in fact, that the victim may not even realise they\u2019re being gaslit.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Over time, however, the manipulation tactics can grow more complex and potent, making it even more difficult for <\/span>victims<\/span> to come to terms with what\u2019s being done to them.<\/span><\/p>\n

And then, where does the term \u2018gaslighting\u2019 come from? The term \u2018gaslighting\u2019 actually comes from the 1938 play called \u201c<\/span>Gas Light<\/span><\/i>\u201d that was produced in London and ran for six months. Later, it was turned into a <\/span>film<\/span>. It encompassed a wealthy woman who married a deceitful yet suave man who isolated and manipulated her with an end goal of getting her institutionalised.<\/span><\/p>\n

Despite this playwright (and film adaption) being made so long ago, it is only recently that the term \u2018gaslighting’ became \u201ca thing\u201d.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And the thing about this form of manipulation is that it doesn\u2019t start off with the tell-tale signs. In fact, it\u2019s usually the opposite, such as <\/span>love bombing<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Love Bombing in the Realm of Gaslighting<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Some relationships that are rife with gaslighting may appear seemingly perfect (in the beginning) and oftentimes can include an element of \u201clove bombing\u201d.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Love bombing is when one praises another from the get-go (for example, on the first date), and immediately confides in them, telling them all about themselves, even before <\/span>intimacy<\/span>, which gives the victim a sense of trust.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Someone who \u2018love bombs\u2019 will lavish another with over-the-top gestures and won\u2019t take \u201cno\u201d for an answer. It also includes bombarding another with calls and texts, being overly intense, craving undivided attention, and convincing someone that they are their <\/span>soulmate<\/span><\/a> way too soon in the relationship.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

On the other hand, love bombing also includes getting upset when a partner begins to place <\/span>boundaries<\/span><\/a>, and becoming angry or agitated when they don\u2019t have uninterrupted access to you.<\/span><\/p>\n

Are You a Victim of Gaslighting?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

You may be a victim of gaslighting if someone:<\/b><\/p>\n

    \n
  • insists that you did or said something which you are sure you didn\u2019t<\/span><\/li>\n
  • denies your recollection of things<\/span><\/li>\n
  • calls you \u201ctoo sensitive\u201d or \u201cemotional\u201d when you express your needs or concerns<\/span><\/li>\n
  • twists events to put blame on you<\/span><\/li>\n
  • refuses to be wrong<\/span><\/li>\n
  • refuses to listen to things from your perspective<\/span><\/li>\n
  • denies having said something<\/span><\/li>\n
  • uses something or someone you <\/span>love<\/span> as ammunition<\/span><\/li>\n
  • talks the talk but never follows through in action<\/span><\/li>\n
  • adds dashes of positive reinforcement to throw you off<\/span><\/li>\n
  • confuses you to weaken you and to cloud your memory and judgement\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  • projects their problems or issues onto you<\/span><\/li>\n
  • tries to get people against you<\/span><\/li>\n
  • talks ill of you to others so that they too tend to think of you as \u201ccrazy\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
  • weaponises your flaws<\/span><\/li>\n
  • humiliates<\/span> you in public<\/span><\/li>\n
  • belittles your ideas and emotions<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    If You\u2019re Being Gaslit, You May\u2026<\/strong><\/h2>\n
      \n
    • feel confused and constantly second-guess yourself<\/span><\/li>\n
    • find it difficult to make simple decisions<\/span><\/li>\n
    • ask yourself if you\u2019re being too sensitive<\/span><\/li>\n
    • become withdrawn and antisocial<\/span><\/li>\n
    • constantly apologise<\/span><\/li>\n
    • defend the abusive person\u2019s behaviour<\/span><\/li>\n
    • make excuses for the abusive person<\/span><\/li>\n
    • feel hopeless, worthless and\/or incompetent<\/span><\/li>\n
    • experience low self-esteem and <\/span>depression<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      7 Things You Can Do if You\u2019re Being Gaslit<\/strong><\/h2>\n

      Because being gaslit can be hard to detect, especially because it happens so slowly, once you recognise the signs, there are some things you can do to address the problem:<\/b><\/p>\n

        \n
      1. Realise that it\u2019s not about you nor is it your fault:<\/b> a person who gaslights has an obsessive need to gain and maintain <\/span>power<\/span>. You are not to blame for their actions.<\/span><\/li>\n
      2. Develop a support system:<\/b> having close friends and family that you trust during this time can help you to raise your <\/span>self-esteem<\/span> and give you the power to talk to or leave the abuser.<\/span><\/li>\n
      3. Minimise contact:<\/b> try chatting less and avoid meeting them in-person as they will most likely have a hidden agenda.<\/span><\/li>\n
      4. Be ambiguous instead of shouting or retaliating:<\/b> when you become enraged, they may act like the victim to get sympathy. Being ambiguous is to say things like, <\/span>\u201cReally?\u201d<\/span><\/i> or <\/span>\u201cI\u2019m confused. I have proof of xyz, so can you clarify what you mean?\u201d<\/span><\/i>.<\/span><\/li>\n
      5. Journal:<\/b> keep a diary of events that have happened.<\/span><\/li>\n
      6. Positive self-talk:<\/b> remember to remind yourself of your good qualities and successes to counter the abuser\u2019s negative narrative.<\/span><\/li>\n
      7. Leave & seek help:<\/b> if it is a partner that is gaslighting you, the best solution would be to leave. If this seems difficult or even impossible, seek professional help.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        Gaslighting is a very serious issue. And even though it starts off slow, often with an element of love bombing, try to listen to your instincts and have trusted family and friends who can help you see what\u2019s going on. Keeping a support system, regardless of any life event or situation, is always important.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

        Today, there are more \u2018names\u2019 for the kinds of things people have been experiencing for decades and decades. And this is actually a good thing.\u00a0 Way back when, people would experience all kinds of abuse\u2026 not as overtly as physical, but mental, psychological, and emotional. And these kinds of abuse are just as harmful (sometimes even more so) than physical abuse.\u00a0 And that\u2019s why, today, we\u2019re talking about gaslighting (and love bombing). What is Gaslighting? Gaslighting is a subtle form […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":115,"featured_media":39019,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[925,924,11],"tags":[189],"coauthors":[948],"class_list":["post-39018","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-committed","category-dating","category-sex-terms","tag-healthy-relationship"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nIs Your Partner Gaslighting You?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What is gaslighting? And are you a victim of it? 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