{"id":39869,"date":"2022-12-08T07:59:27","date_gmt":"2022-12-08T06:59:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=39869"},"modified":"2024-11-18T04:09:28","modified_gmt":"2024-11-18T03:09:28","slug":"what-is-fraysexuality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/what-is-fraysexuality\/","title":{"rendered":"What Is Fraysexuality?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Are you more sexually attracted to a stranger than a long-term partner? Well, you may just be fraysexual. It\u2019s a little more complex than that of course, but generally speaking, fraysexuality is a sexual attraction toward someone you don\u2019t know<\/strong>, or at least don\u2019t know very well. For fraysexuals, the more they get to know a person, the less sexually desirable that person becomes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Fraysexuality is considered the opposite to demisexuality<\/a>, a sexual orientation where people don\u2019t experience sexual desire until they\u2019ve established an emotional connection. Despite their opposing ideologies, both exist on the asexuality<\/a> spectrum, as each has specific ways in which they experience sexual attraction. For example: a demisexual would likely require several dates before experiencing sexual attraction, whereas a fraysexual might prefer to skip the date altogether and hop right into bed.<\/span><\/p>\n

For this reason, fraysexuality can get a bad wrap. They\u2019re often slut-shamed, told they have intimacy issues, or will never be able to experience a meaningful relationship. None of this is true, of course, just closed-minded comments toward a misunderstood and marginalized community (so, nothing new).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In most cases, only sexual attraction is affected once a fraysexual gets better acquainted with someone. They can still experience romantic and emotional attraction toward someone meaning, yes, they are capable of long-term commitment.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFraysexual doesn’t mean you’re incapable of love; it just means love occupies a separate part of your emotional needs from sex, and they don’t always overlap,\u201d explains Ben, a 33-year old fraysexual.<\/span><\/p>\n

After cheating on several past partners<\/a>, Ben eventually recognized that monogamy<\/a> wasn\u2019t the right relationship structure for him. Now, he and his current partner are content in an open relationship.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI still crave emotionless sex, often with people I don’t know at all, but I balance that with the emotional connection I have with my partner and fully disclose the sex I have outside of the relationship,\u201d he says, adding that he and his partner bond over sharing the steamy details of each other\u2019s hookups<\/a>. \u201cIt’s a way to bring that thrill of unattached sex into our loving sex life.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Jasper, a 35-year-old fraysexual, compares monogamy to celibacy. \u201cI cannot find sexual satisfaction within a monogamous relationship,\u201d he says. \u201cOver the last ten years, I’ve been able to find rewarding and fulfilling non-monogamous relationships that have given me the freedom to express my sexuality outside of the relationship.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Jasper discovered he was fraysexual while listening to Dan Savage\u2019s podcast. \u201cThe description validated the many confusing feelings that I have experienced with everyone I have ever dated,\u201d he says. \u201cThe relationship starts off hot and heavy, but my sexual interest dwindles after a few months, even as emotional intimacy continues to grow.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Jasper\u2019s discovery occurred while he was in a long-term committed relationship. He admits his partner wasn\u2019t thrilled with the news, but was relieved to know Jasper\u2019s lack of sexual desire wasn\u2019t about him. \u201cThe conversation helped us temper expectations about what our sex life would look like,\u201d he shares. \u201cLike all relationships, it requires constant communication about our wants, needs, and desires<\/a> to make it work.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Of course, no two fraysexuals are alike, and the degree to which they experience sexual attraction varies. For one person, sexual desire<\/a> might decline after they\u2019ve formed a deep connection with a person, whereas for another, this could happen after an initial conversation. Similarly, this decline in sexual attraction could be gradual, whereas for others, the ick is instant.<\/span><\/p>\n

Fraysexuality can be a sexual orientation within an orientation, meaning they can be of any gender expression and sexual orientation. For example, a bisexual<\/a> non-binary person can be fraysexual, as can a cisgender<\/a> straight man, and so on.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Within the asexual space, fraysexuals and demisexuals are considered \u201cgraysexual\u201d, meaning, unlike most asexuals, they still experience sexual attraction. As the name suggests, it means these sexual orientations exist in a space that can be difficult to define.<\/span><\/p>\n

That\u2019s why some people may think they are fraysexual, but are really just experiencing the natural ebbs and flows of attraction. For example, sexual attraction typically decreases in long-term relationships because, when we first fall in love, we crave the novelty of the bonding chemicals<\/a> that come with the honeymoon phase. Naturally, this excitement wears off with time and we experience more typical desire, which has a tendency to fluctuate.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The identity is something Ben still struggles with. \u201cFor me, I have never been the type to need a romantic or emotional connection to enjoy sex. In fact, sometimes it detracts from my enjoyment,\u201d he admits. \u201cSo in the end, I’m comfortable placing myself on the fraysexual side.”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Fraysexuality, like all sexual orientations, cannot be diagnosed, but if the information above has made you think \u201chmm, this sounds like me\u201d, you may benefit from speaking with a sex therapist who can guide you through your feelings and, most important of all, validate your desires.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Are you more sexually attracted to a stranger than a long-term partner? Well, you may just be fraysexual. It\u2019s a little more complex than that of course, but generally speaking, fraysexuality is a sexual attraction toward someone you don\u2019t know, or at least don\u2019t know very well. For fraysexuals, the more they get to know a person, the less sexually desirable that person becomes.\u00a0 Fraysexuality is considered the opposite to demisexuality, a sexual orientation where people don\u2019t experience sexual desire […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":231,"featured_media":39794,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,13],"tags":[1102],"coauthors":[1022],"class_list":["post-39869","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sex-terms","category-sex-relationships","tag-sexuality"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhat Is Fraysexuality?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/what-is-fraysexuality\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What Is Fraysexuality?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Are you more sexually attracted to a stranger than a long-term partner? 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