{"id":41568,"date":"2023-12-05T23:07:21","date_gmt":"2023-12-05T22:07:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=41568"},"modified":"2023-12-05T23:07:21","modified_gmt":"2023-12-05T22:07:21","slug":"why-youre-still-single","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/why-youre-still-single\/","title":{"rendered":"Why You\u2019re Still Single, According to Dating Professionals"},"content":{"rendered":"

Being single is not a bad thing despite the fact that society dictates <\/span>marriage<\/span>, <\/span>children<\/span>, and the white picket fence.<\/span><\/p>\n

In fact, being single can be very <\/span>empowering<\/span>. It can bring about a lot of self-awareness and the ability to work on oneself before sharing their life with another.<\/span><\/p>\n

So whether someone is single by choice or because they\u2019re having a difficult time finding a partner, <\/span>the single life<\/span><\/a> is not something bad nor something to be frowned upon.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This article aims to look at the reasons <\/span>why <\/span><\/i>you might be single.<\/span><\/p>\n

8 Reasons Why You Might Still Be Single\u00a0<\/span><\/h1>\n

1. You\u2019re afraid of being in a relationship\u00a0<\/strong><\/h3>\n

According to <\/span>Myisha Battle<\/span><\/a>, sex and dating coach:<\/span><\/p>\n

“Fear is one of the top reasons I see people staying single. This includes fear of rejection, fear of starting an online dating profile, and fear of putting their intentions to be partnered forward.”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

So, even though you may actively want a relationship, there\u2019s something that\u2019s holding you back. You may be afraid of getting hurt or what others think of you, for example.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And for that reason, you feel it\u2019s easier to sit back and wait for <\/span>love<\/span> to come to you or to make excuses like you\u2019re \u201ctoo busy\u201d or focusing on yourself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Your standards are too high<\/strong><\/h3>\n

“In some cases, the inability to find a suitable partner is due to overly high expectations,” <\/span><\/i>says <\/span>Carla Marie Manly<\/span><\/a>, Ph.D.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Perhaps you\u2019re attempting the dating game with a long checklist, hoping that you\u2019ll find the perfect person that ticks all the boxes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But the problem with that is\u2014these high expectations make it almost impossible to find the \u201cright\u201d partner.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Manly says: \u201c<\/span>If the bar is set too high in the hopes of finding the perfect partner, the right partner may be overlooked.\u201d.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

At the same time, your standards may be high because you\u2019ve been so deceived or <\/span>rejected<\/span><\/a> in the past that you have an attitude of \u201cAll the good ones are taken.”<\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Often this could lead you to begin finding fault with everyone you meet or to continue having those unrealistic expectations.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

3. You don\u2019t have key relationship skills<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Perhaps you\u2019re single because there are still relationship skills you have yet to learn.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And this isn\u2019t a bad thing! It merely means that you can begin to explore these lessons in order to find a suitable partner.<\/span><\/p>\n

As Battle says: \u201c<\/span>Consider that there may be things you can work on as a dater.\u201d.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

For example, if you\u2019re an insecure or jealous person, you may overcompensate by being clingy in a relationship. This could result in pushing a partner away.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The key to learning new relationship skills is to identify these personal challenges and work through them.<\/span><\/p>\n

4. You have unresolved trauma<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Whether it\u2019s from former partners or other incidents in your life, \u201c<\/span>unresolved trauma often gets in the way of finding a loving partner,<\/span><\/i>\u201d says Manly.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Think about some of the relationships you have, such as with your parents or siblings. This could have a big impact on how you experience relationships today.<\/span><\/p>\n

In fact, past <\/span>trauma<\/span><\/a> can manifest in your relationship as attachment issues, abandonment issues, or trust issues.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhen we aren’t aware of our internal challenges or aren’t working to heal them, we often unconsciously push others away,<\/span><\/i>” says Manly.<\/span><\/p>\n

5. You\u2019re a victim of societal bias\u00a0<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Being single is probably not all your fault,” <\/span><\/i>Battle says. “<\/span>Dating can be an undeniable minefield, especially for minorities of any kind, fat folks, people with disabilities, etc.”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

And even though a lot has changed over the years, there is still social bias that takes place today.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Things such as <\/span>sexism<\/span>, ableism, racism, and fatphobia are still rife, which means that physical matching is not very fair in the dating world and beyond.<\/span><\/p>\n

6. You are attracted to the wrong kind of person<\/strong><\/h3>\n

This is mostly unconscious, but some people have the tendency to seek out relationships with those who aren\u2019t right for them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This could be because they want to reinforce critical thoughts that they have about themselves or how other people have often treated them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For example, you may choose a partner who is emotionally unavailable without consciously knowing it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This then leads to yet another <\/span>breakup<\/span><\/a> that you put all of the blame on the partner in question. After this, you\u2019re left with heartache, disappointment, and a feeling of rejection without realizing that you\u2019re following a pattern.<\/span><\/p>\n

And while this pattern is not ideal, it can be a lot harder to deal with the <\/span>anxiety<\/span><\/a> that accompanies letting go of old patterns.<\/span><\/p>\n

7. You have a low self-esteem<\/strong><\/h3>\n

In this regard, one\u2019s critical inner voice is way more intense than the want to be in a fulfilling relationship.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For example, you may believe that no one could ever be interested in you because you continue to use negative self-talk.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201c<\/span>I\u2019m ugly. I\u2019m overweight. I\u2019m dumb. I\u2019m too old,\u201d<\/span><\/i> are common ways that people experience low self-esteem and push people away.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Some other ways that a low self-esteem can get in the way of finding a partner could include: being (socially) anxious, feeling too down or depressed to go out and meet people, or being unable to maintain <\/span>eye contact<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Then, of course, if you do find yourself attracted to another, your low self-esteem gets in the way of you pursuing anything.<\/span><\/p>\n

8. You fear competition<\/strong><\/h3>\n

In today’s modern dating world, people are constantly in competition.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There is a seemingly endless list of potential matches on your <\/span>dating apps<\/span><\/a>, and this could lead one to continue to search for someone \u201chotter\u201d \u201csmarter\u201d \u201ctaller\u201d etc.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

On the other hand, if you have a low self-esteem, you may stop yourself from dating in any capacity, believing that anyone could do better than you.<\/span><\/p>\n

Essentially however, pushing through that fear to stop <\/span>comparing yourself to others<\/span><\/a>, and going for what you want often ends up worth it. You may experience a stronger sense of self and increase the chances of finding a relationship.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Do you identify with any of these 8 reasons as to why you may be single? You\u2019re not alone.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And if you\u2019re actively looking for a relationship, we hope that you can recognise your patterns and work through them to find someone who you completely deserve and desire.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Being single is not a bad thing despite the fact that society dictates marriage, children, and the white picket fence. In fact, being single can be very empowering. It can bring about a lot of self-awareness and the ability to work on oneself before sharing their life with another. So whether someone is single by choice or because they\u2019re having a difficult time finding a partner, the single life is not something bad nor something to be frowned upon.\u00a0 This […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":115,"featured_media":39943,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[923],"tags":[163],"coauthors":[948],"class_list":["post-41568","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-single","tag-dating"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n8 Reasons Why You May Still Be Single<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A stream of unsuccessful dates? 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