{"id":43980,"date":"2024-10-11T14:20:18","date_gmt":"2024-10-11T12:20:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=43980"},"modified":"2026-03-30T01:52:36","modified_gmt":"2026-03-29T23:52:36","slug":"how-to-handle-performance-anxiety","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/how-to-handle-performance-anxiety\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Handle Performance Anxiety"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ever felt the pressure to be amazing in bed?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Whatever \u201camazing\u201d means to you\u2026 Whether that means staying hard, or looking hot, or feeling like you have to be the best they\u2019ve ever had \u2013 we\u2019ve all been there. But I\u2019m here to tell you: this is performance anxiety. And it will absolutely get in the way of your pleasure.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What Is Performance Anxiety?<\/span><\/h2>\n

Most people use this phrase to describe the pressure penis owners feel to get erect and stay erect. But age, hormone levels, blood flow issues and other factors can cause unpredictable erections. It\u2019s very, very common.<\/span><\/p>\n

Another aspect of performance anxiety, though, is performative sex. This affects people of all genders, but I\u2019ve noticed that people with vulvas feel this pressure pretty acutely. They write me saying they have a hard time relaxing into sex, because they don\u2019t feel great about their body.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Or, they don\u2019t know how to orgasm during sex, so they detach from their own pleasure, and focus more on tossing their hair around \/ moaning \/ acting like a hot lover for their partner.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Both situations are stressful in their own ways. And both take you out of the present moment, further distancing you from authentic pleasure.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

How Can I Alleviate Performance Anxiety?<\/span><\/h2>\n

Let\u2019s talk about the erection concern first.<\/span><\/p>\n

Getting to the root cause of unpredictable erections is nuanced. Physiologically, getting an erection is all about blood flowing into the penis. Often this comes down to fitness, which is good news. That\u2019s a factor you can control.<\/span><\/p>\n

For Erection Challenges:\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

During intercourse, I recommend a penis ring, which will help keep blood trapped inside the penis. That\u2019s going to help you stay erect. LELO makes a vibrating penis ring called the <\/span>TOR 3<\/span><\/a>, which fits on the base of the shaft and can be used during intercourse. <\/span>TOR 3<\/span><\/a> offers eight different vibration patterns, varying in intensity from a teasing murmur to a satisfying pulse. It\u2019s an excellent toy for couples, since its vibrating motor stimulates the clitoris (or sphincter muscles) \u2013 resulting in way more mutual satisfaction.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"tor<\/a><\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve got a vulva, you probably have a hard time orgasming during intercourse. This isn\u2019t a personal flaw, it\u2019s near universal. People with vulvas need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and intercourse alone typically doesn\u2019t cut it. That\u2019s why the <\/span>TOR 3<\/span><\/a> is a godsend, since it basically turns the penis into a vibrator. More orgasmic intercourse for all!<\/span><\/p>\n

For Relaxation Challenges:\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

First, get to know your arousal style. This is going to give you a lot of info about the conditions you need for good sex.<\/span><\/p>\n

Relaxation and arousal work hand-in-hand, since many people have a hard time getting out of their heads. When you hone in on the specific activities that quiet down intrusive thoughts, you can start applying them to dates. My colleague Ian Kerner describes this as an \u201carousal runway:\u201d things we can do to soothe the mind, then excite the body.<\/span><\/p>\n

You can also try working with your mind on a neurotransmitter level. I personally am not a big drinker, but on dates, I sometimes use THC for a mood and arousal boost.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What Else Can I Do to Become More Present in Bed?\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n

Increase your mindfulness with small, sustainable habits. A daily meditation and breathwork practice of 10 minutes a day can go a long way towards self-acceptance. It can also rewire your neural pathways towards more calm and pleasure. I challenge you to try it for two weeks, and see how you feel.<\/span><\/p>\n

Building n this, you can practice meditate\/masturbate\/manifest. It\u2019s my personal ritual for body love, soothing my spirit, and getting clear on my goals. Neurologically, orgasm releases a cocktail of feel-good chemicals, like oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine and endorphins. In this way, it\u2019s a self-care practice that is literally good for your brain and mood.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Finally, remember that performance anxiety goes down the more you communicate with your partner. You don\u2019t have to put on a show for anyone, but you can collaborate with one another, to make sure you\u2019re both having an awesome time. If you\u2019ve never talked about sex before, my Yes \/ No \/ Maybe list is a great place to start. It\u2019s a menu of sex acts designed to inspire you, and get you both talking about new sex things you\u2019d like to try.<\/span><\/p>\n

I hope these tips empower you! Remember: sex is a lifelong journey. With mindfulness, self-knowledge, and a few tricks in your back pocket, you can definitely increase your confidence \u2013 and everyone\u2019s satisfaction.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Enjoy 15% off LELO.com<\/a> with code VOLONTE15<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ever felt the pressure to be amazing in bed?\u00a0 Whatever \u201camazing\u201d means to you\u2026 Whether that means staying hard, or looking hot, or feeling like you have to be the best they\u2019ve ever had \u2013 we\u2019ve all been there. But I\u2019m here to tell you: this is performance anxiety. And it will absolutely get in the way of your pleasure.\u00a0 What Is Performance Anxiety? Most people use this phrase to describe the pressure penis owners feel to get erect and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1026,"featured_media":44031,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,21],"tags":[],"coauthors":[1243],"class_list":["post-43980","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sexual-health","category-sex-tips-advice"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow To Handle Performance Anxiety<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How To Handle Performance Anxiety\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Ever felt the pressure to be amazing in bed?\u00a0 Whatever \u201camazing\u201d means to you\u2026 Whether that means staying hard, or looking hot, or feeling like you have to be the best they\u2019ve ever had \u2013 we\u2019ve all been there. 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