{"id":48933,"date":"2026-05-29T10:59:35","date_gmt":"2026-05-29T08:59:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/?p=48933"},"modified":"2026-05-27T04:33:40","modified_gmt":"2026-05-27T02:33:40","slug":"how-to-increase-libido","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lelo.com\/blog\/how-to-increase-libido\/","title":{"rendered":"Brakes, Accelerators, and Sex Drive: What Low Libido Is Really Telling You"},"content":{"rendered":"

Having a <\/span>low libido is more common than you may think. And yet, there are so many people out there who are too ashamed to talk about it, leaving them to suffer in silence or feel confused.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

To that, it\u2019s important to note that <\/span>sexual desire<\/span><\/a> is not a fixed trait. And actually, there are many things at play when it comes to your level of arousal, such as your biology, psychology, <\/span>relationships<\/span>, and environment.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What is Libido? (The Science of Desire)<\/span><\/h2>\n

Libido is the overall sexual drive or desire for sexual activity.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s take a look at where desire fits in by talking about the <\/span>sexual response cycle<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span>In this cycle, there are four stages: desire (libido), arousal (excitement), orgasm, and resolution.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

1. Desire<\/span><\/h3>\n

This is the first stage in the <\/span>sexual response cycle. It\u2019s all about sexual interest, and can come about from things like internal thoughts (<\/span>fantasies<\/span><\/a>) or external factors (a sexual or physical attraction to someone). Desire is influenced by our <\/span>hormones<\/span><\/a>, namely testosterone and estrogen, as well as our brain chemistry, and psychological factors like our mood, stress, or relationship status.<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Arousal<\/span><\/h3>\n

This is when the body physiologically responds to sexual stimulation. This includes an increase in heart rate, more blood flow to the genitals in an attempt to prepare for penetration, the production of (more) lubrication in women, and an <\/span>erection<\/span><\/a> in men. This second phase can actually happen with or without a strong desire, which is interesting as it proves that the body and the mind are not always in perfect sync.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Orgasm<\/span><\/h3>\n

This is the peak of sexual pleasure and the release of sexual tension. When you climax, the brain releases a cocktail of different feel-good hormones like <\/span>oxytocin<\/span><\/a> and dopamine. This then creates a feeling of pleasure and connection (with yourself or with your partner).<\/span><\/p>\n

4. Resolution<\/span><\/h3>\n

After orgasming, the body will slowly return back to its baseline. This is when the muscles start to relax, the heart rate slows down, and you may feel a sense of calm or peaceful wellbeing. It\u2019s also in this stage that some experience the refractory period, which is when they need time to relax before they can become aroused again. This is more prominent in men, and is only temporary.<\/span><\/p>\n

Then, did you know that there are actually two kinds of sexual desire: spontaneous and responsive? <\/span>WebMD<\/span><\/a> goes on to explain these two types of sexual desire by saying:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe spontaneous kind just arises\u2026 spontaneously. This might be the kind of sex drive people associate with hormonal teenagers and 20-somethings. <\/span><\/i>Responsive desire<\/i><\/b> arises in response to some outside stimulus. It happens when you get turned on while you read an erotic story or watch a sexy movie or feel the touch of someone you\u2019re sexually attracted to.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

It\u2019s interesting to note that <\/span>modern research<\/span><\/a> has found some people, especially those in long term relationships, tend to react to <\/span>responsive desire rather than spontaneous desire. Aka, the mood only strikes <\/span>after<\/span><\/i> stimulation has begun. But, at the end of the day, each person is unique.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The Dual Control Model: Accelerators vs. Brakes<\/span><\/h2>\n

Looking at the concept of libido, many seem to believe that arousal is something that you can simply turn on. This isn\u2019t true however. In reality, libido is regulated in the brain known as the \u201c<\/span>dual control model<\/span><\/a>\u201d.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There are two systems in the dual control model:<\/b><\/p>\n

The Sexual Excitation System (SES)<\/span><\/h3>\n

The best analogy for this system would be to think of it as the accelerator pedal. When someone receives some kind of stimulation that\u2019s arousing, like visual images, emotional connections, or <\/span>erotic<\/span><\/a> thoughts, the SES system kicks in. Dopamine is released, increasing motivation, anticipation, and reward.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Sexual Inhibition System (SIS)<\/span><\/h3>\n

The best analogy for this system would be to think of it as the brake pedal. The brain scans for potential risks, harm, fatigue, discomfort, or <\/span>stress<\/span><\/a>, and when it finds it, the SIS system kicks into protection mode.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Interestingly, the SIS system can be activated even when a person is aroused, as this part of the brain prioritises survival over reproduction. This explains why so many people need to feel safe, rested, and mentally present during sexual experiences, and why increased sexual stimuli alone sometimes just doesn\u2019t do the trick.<\/span><\/p>\n

There\u2019s also an interesting concept called \u201carousal non-concordance<\/a>\u201d. This when the body and the mind aren\u2019t in sync. In this scenario, someone may be producing natural lubrication or getting an erection, but at the same time, they\u2019re not really feeling desire or interest.<\/span><\/p>\n

In this case, there is physical arousal, but the feelings of desire are simply not there.<\/span><\/p>\n

This is not something to worry about however. This mismatch is considered normal, and it\u2019s just how human sexuality operates sometimes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In fact, understanding this could be a positive step in understanding your levels of arousal without shame or judgement. It\u2019s important to respond to your body with curiosity rather than pressure.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why is My Sex Drive Low? Major Causes<\/span><\/h2>\n

There are so many reasons why you may be experiencing a <\/span>low libido. And as we mentioned, it\u2019s a common occurrence, not something to feel bad or embarrassed about.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Here are four major causes of a low sex drive:<\/b><\/p>\n

1. Physical<\/span><\/h3>\n

Physically, there\u2019s a direct link between sexual desire and the body\u2019s hormones. For example, estrogen, progesterone, and <\/span>testosterone<\/span> are key hormones in arousal. If those aren\u2019t in balance, it could have negative side effects.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A particular example would be if someone was going through perimenopause or menopause. During this time, there\u2019s a decline in estrogen, which causes a disruption in vaginal tissue, blood flow, and sensitivity.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Lower levels of testosterone in men and women can also reduce sexual desire.<\/span><\/p>\n

Then there\u2019s the aspect of physical pain, inflammation, and fatigue. During these kinds of ailments and conditions, the body will prioritise managing discomfort and <\/span>sleepiness<\/span><\/a> as opposed to <\/span>sexual arousal.<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Medication Side Effects<\/span><\/h3>\n

Medically, there are some medications, like SSRIs (<\/span>anti-depressants<\/span><\/a>), beta blockers, and the birth control pill, that can have an effect on your libido, as they alter brain chemistry, blood flow, and\/or hormone levels.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Mental Health and Stress<\/span><\/h3>\n

The brain plays a big role in sexual desire. So when there\u2019s stress, for example, it increases the release of cortisol (the stress hormone). Cortisol can lead to a <\/span>low libido as it can suppress estrogen and testosterone, and it can keep your nervous system in a constant state of awareness, which can definitely hinder arousal.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Stress aside, <\/span>anxiety<\/span><\/a> and depression can also change the chemicals in the brain and reduce energy, creating a <\/span>low libido.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If you find that you\u2019re experiencing a <\/span>low libido while living with mental health concerns or issues, having a low libido is not in your head. It\u2019s actually a result of measurable interactions between your brain, hormones, and nervous system.<\/span><\/p>\n

4. Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD)<\/span><\/h3>\n

Lastly, there is a biopsychosocial condition called <\/span>Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder<\/b><\/a> (HSDD)<\/b>. This is a clinically-recognised condition, and it\u2019s when someone is living with a <\/span>low libido for a prolonged period of time and it\u2019s causing distress or concern in their life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

HSDD can involve a number of different factors, including one\u2019s hormones, brain chemistry, psychological wellbeing, and their relationships. To diagnose and receive support, one would require a combination of medical guidance, psychological sessions, and lifestyle adjustments.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The good news? A <\/span>low libido is not a fixed state. It\u2019s oftentimes merely a reflection on how one\u2019s body and mind are adapting to current situations. With the right help, it can become a lot easier to target with informed strategies.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

HSDD is characterised by:<\/b><\/p>\n