It’s a question nearly as old as sex itself: How can I surprise my partner with something sexy to wear that’ll make her feel beautiful while giving me an automatic night of you-know-what?
Lingerie is a classic couples gift, and every guy is just dying to find the perfect, nearly-nude piece for his girlfriend or wife. Way back in the day, you were most likely to hear this topic pondered by a man courting a lady, but by today’s standards, literally anyone of any gender identity can buy, wear, and get aroused by wearing lingerie or feasting their eyes upon a lingerie-clad partner.
When it comes to lingerie sizes and a body positive attitude, today’s standards have changed other aspects of couples gift giving, too – like secretly figuring out your partner’s size without coming off as a creep.
With sex positivity in mind, we’ve got a few ideas that’ll work for any couple, regardless of your sexuality, and put your partner’s needs first so you can gift a lingerie get-up like a pro.
For Starters, Consider This Question: Does Your Partner Want, or even Like, Lingerie?
We know Cosmo magazine in 1999 had every guy assuming lingerie was THE #1 gift his female partner was craving, but we’ve come a long way since those How to Blow Your Man’s Mind in the Bedroom articles were the extent of adult sex education.
Now if you’re in a long-term relationship and you’re certain that lingerie is going to knock your partner’s socks off, or maybe you’re in a new relationship and your partner has already made it undoubtedly clear that they adore lingerie, you can skip this section.
But otherwise, the truth is that lingerie might be the exact opposite of a sexy, complimentary gift for myriad reasons. Are you sure this is a present that’s truly for their enjoyment and not just your own?
For folks who seriously struggle with body image and might not even feel comfortable in regular, everyday clothing, gifting a sexy outfit could have the opposite effect of your intentions. A lingerie surprise could make them feel awkward and embarrassed, or it could come off as tone-deaf, like you’re totally clueless about their personality and what makes them feel comfortable.
Worst case, they could even end up crying and feeling worthless and ugly, even though lingerie is supposed to show them that you’re dying to see their sexy-ass body. How they feel about the gift is what matters, not simply your intentions.
And by the way, this doesn’t just apply to partners for whom the outside world may consider to be overweight. Folks of all shapes, clothing sizes, and athletic abilities can have icky feelings about their bodies. Make sure you know how your partner feels about theirs.
Seize the Opportunity for Slow, Sexy Undressing During Partner Play
If you’re already having sex, and some of that sex is spontaneous, or at least starts out with clothing on, you’re one step closer to a solution already.
The next time you get a chance to undress your partner, take it even slower, and spend some extra time kissing and caressing the parts of their body that are nearest to their clothing tags.
Massage and kiss their shoulders while peeking at their shirt tag. Give them a hand with their bra and don’t forget to read the tag underneath the closures. Slip their pants and panties off from behind so can glean a glimpse of the numbers or letters tucked around back.
Do whatever it is that makes your partner close their eyes in pleasure – and then steal the opportunity to snag that tag number!
Ask a Trusted Friend of Your Partner
If you’re at all acquainted with your partner’s friends, and they also know your partner is going to totally dig some surprise lingerie, you can take the somewhat embarrassing risk of asking them if they know your partner’s size.
Yeah, it sounds a little weird, but if your partner’s friends like you, they’ll most likely be flattered that you’re putting in the effort to treat someone they also really love and appreciate. Even if they don’t know your partner’s exact size, they can probably take a good guess while also giving you some hints on what lingerie style will totally kill it.
Sneak a Peek in Their Underwear Drawer
This last tip is the one most likely to make you look like a creep if you get caught, so be absolutely sure your partner really IS in the shower before attempting this move.
Quietly open your partner’s dresser drawers and figure out which one holds their undies. Sneak a super-fast peek at a couple of pairs of underwear and a couple of bras, and then close that damn drawer as fast as you can.
If time permits, you’ll want to check sizes on at least 2-3 pairs of underwear and 2-3 bras. Fashion industry sizing is all over the place these days and totally inconsistent, so your partner might wear different sizes depending on the underwear and lingerie brand.
See which size they seem to wear the most, and spring for that one for your gift.
Skip the Surprise and Just Ask
If you’re still in the dark about how this whole lingerie gifting debacle might turn out, take advantage of modern dating standards and just ask. Since consent is sexy and all (and, you know, mandatory in the bedroom), questions are totally appropriate here.
“I’d love to buy you something that makes you feel beautiful that will help you enjoy sex even more. What do you like?”
“If it would turn you on, too, I’d really enjoy buying you some lingerie. Would you like me to choose something, or would you prefer shopping together?”
“I’d love to surprise you with something sexy we can both enjoy in the bedroom. Do you like lingerie?”
Starting a convo about sex before you get to the actual sex is never a bad idea, no matter how short or long you’ve been together. You’ll get to know your partner’s lingerie size for the future and learn more about how you two can click. It’s a win-win for everyone.