CurvyBambi – “Dear Younger Queer Self” Contest Finalist Story
Dear Younger Queer Self,
The ideals of what you considered an inconsequential youth will not be lost on this world.
You will be celebrated for the beautiful and intelligent woman that you have always strived to be. You will not have to sacrifice your femininity and frailty or dignity and integrity to be accepted and loved by another woman. You will learn the importance of surrounding yourself with people who share your ideas of social conciseness and learn to avoid people who lack awareness and depth. Your eccentric and unconventional ways of looking at the world will not be used against you to tear you down and make you feel inferior; it will be used as a catalyst to prepare you for a future that will require strength and resilience to survive.
There will be great adversity and very few triumphs when you decide to show the world who you really are. Your heart will be shattered when your partner decides to communicate with her fist rather than her words, and as hard as it may be, you will have to stand up against domestic violence and abuse.
Don’t regret the choices you made when you loved people that did not love you back, and remember that was more about their inability to accept love versus your ability to be loved. You will have to learn that you deserve altruistic love and reciprocity in your relationships no matter how much this world tries to teach you that you are not worthy and deserving of a just and beautiful life.
Life as a poor, black, lesbian from the inner city of Los Angels will not be easy, it will be riddled with challenges, loss, strife and fear. Your family will turn its back on you and you will feel lost and listless. You will find refuge in a family that is not bound by blood but by love, acceptance and understanding.
One day you will wake up and learn to love everything about yourself that you were once taught to hate and despise. When you are not looking you will find the love of your life. She will be understanding and brave. She will defend and protect you from anything that may try to hurt you including yourself.
You will appreciate the curve of your hips and the height of your cheekbones and the slant of your eyes, but most of all you will appreciate how much you have learned to love yourself. Do not hold on to the guilt, resentment and the bondage of your chaotic youth. Free yourself!
I can not tell you how many times you will think that this life is not worth living and you will want to give up and accept defeat. However, you will come to learn that the very fabric of life is contingent on your perseverance and ability to withstand the dark days because the future is so bright. Most of all remember, I love you, and impossible as it may seem one day you will love yourself too.
I am a proud black lesbian from La La Land. I am an advocate for equal rights for the queer differently abled community. I am fighting the autoimmune disease Rheumatoid Arthritis.