LELO Explains Adult Spanking

Erotic spanking is now so ubiquitous to sex that there’s a good chance that even you, dear reader, have experienced it – and it’s no surprise why. Spanking and sex go together so well because it’s a great way to inject a bit of playful pain into an intimate experience, and vary the array of sensations that are on offer.

How Spanking and Sex Fit Together

So Why Do We Spank During Sex?

First of all, it’s the easiest way to experiment for first-time BDSM play ; all you need is a hand, a buttock, and some momentum applied to said hand (also a sense of aim, because nobody likes being slapped in the tailbone). Secondly, it’s pretty risk-free; we can’t even venture to think of any serious injury that can be inflicted through a little love tap, with worst that can feasibly happen is you being on the receiving end of a ‘what the hell was that?’ look before getting back to the business at hand.

However to get down to the real reason behind spanking – aside from it feeling good – differs from person to person, because hey, we’re all mixed bags of nuts.

Some do it to feel dominant, while others accept it to feel dominated , and many just do it to add that extra bit of spice. It can be enjoyed by both partners – because it goes both ways – but only if proper spanking etiquette is followed, such as;

  • Strikes should be focused on the lower, meatier part of the cheeks and upper thighs
  • Follow every spank with a light caress of the slapped area
  • Don’t slap hard enough to leave a hand imprint – unless permission is given
  • Make sure to remove jewelry like rings and bracelets

Okay, so your rings are removed and you know where to aim, but what now? Well, you’re ready to begin, so have your spanking subject get in the proper spanking position;

  • You (the spanker), sit on the bed with your knees over the side, just as you would a chair
  • Your partner (the spankee) then lies stomach-down across your lap
  • Otherwise, you can have them assume an all-fours position while you stand to the side

From either of these vantage points, you’ve got the perfect amount of room to get an arc with your good spankin’ arm, as well as enjoy the view.

Implements of Posterior Punishment

Your Hand

The classic spanking tool, literally passed down through the generations. We’ve all got them (unless you don’t, in which case sorry), and they’re practically made for spanking, as you can most accurately control the intensity of your blows.


The humble paddle is widely available in a number of materials like wood, metal or leather to vary the sensations, and offer a much more assertive slap then the hand. Don’t start a spanking session by going straight to the paddle; build up the tension with some hand slaps before moving on to this tool.

Whips and Floggers

There are as many varieties of whips in the world as there are bums for them to be slapped across, each offering a different type of sting. The length of the whip and they type and texture of the material it’s made with all play a part in the final experience you’ll have, so if you’re buying one to use on a partner, only do so if it’s one you’d have used on you in turn.

Top Tips for Tukus Taps

Start Soft

Begin with a bottom massage of gentle strokes and soft tickling of their butt cheeks before going in for your opening salvo of spanks. This will up the anticipation of the first strike and the jolt from soft to stinging will have their full attention.

Mind Your Aim, Gents

Aim a spank low and center, at the crease where cheek meets thigh; the vibrations from your strike will stimulate her genitals.

More Cushion (but Not for Pushin’)

If you have your spanking subject lying face-down over your knee or on the bed, prop their bottom up with a pillow placed under their tummy. It will help you aim your hand, and provide some shock absorption for the recipient of the spank.

Have a Ball (or Two)

Add some amazing vibrations to the spanking experience by having a female spankee wear vibrating Ben Wa balls during her playful punishment. Each strike will cause the balls to jiggle around and perfectly mix some pleasure with the pain.

Have you got any tips of your own that you didn’t see here? Tell us in the comments section below!

Written by: Donna Turner

Donna is a Volonté contributor and freelancer who lives in San Francisco with her understanding husband and not-so-understanding teenage sons. Her work has been published in The Journal of Sexology and she is currently writing a book on love languages.


  1. Fun article! I don’t know what it is but a mild spanking is very erotic. I think you covered all the bases in this one. From the thrill of being dominated, to the stimulation of the genitals during spanking. You forgot one though… there is also your partners “growing” arousal underneath you if you are over his knees. He may be visually stimulated by your upturned bottom, or the act of smacking but feeling his hand on your bottom and his genitals below you (even when he is fully clothed) that makes over the knee spanking such an intimate and interactive sport.

  2. I agree, a great little article with good advice. Being the one whose excitement is impossible to conceal being the spanker or the spankee with otk (shoud be OTLap) there is ALWAYS much added sensation. theanks again

  3. OTK means over the knee. A spanking, given properly, is very erotic and very satisfying. Just saying.

  4. I agree – just saying it spanking si highly erotic every time, Lord M

  5. Okay,I do have something to add. It may sound a bit odd. But,like you said,”We are all a mixed bag of nuts.” Anyway,many guys(and girls) enjoy spanking of the testicles. I know,sounds crazy,right? I am on the receiving end of such spankings,quite often. My gf was into it and talked me into it,one day. Long story short,I found that I enjoyed that kind of pain as well. She loves the power trip it gives her,and I enjoy letting her dominate my that thoroughly. It’s a serious rush! I’m not saying it’s for everyone,but it does indeed work for some,and is totally harmless,if done properly… just like spanking of the buttocks. That’s my 2 cents. Now I’m out 2 pennies,darn! 🙂

  6. I’m a male and no stranger to sex but, to be honest, I just don’t get it.

  7. Its all good as long as you do it with someone who REALLY knows what they are doing!

  8. I wish to get a hard hand otk spanking from a mature man

  9. Most if not all are females who are spanker on this site..I am different and love to be spanked across a womans knee.My wife has done this on a regular basis a she is aware that it is very important for me sexually to be across her knee and spanked like a naughty little boy.Its always been a major part of my sexual make up since childhood.

  10. My wife does it to me but it’s never punishment or domination. I can’t go across her knee because it is too stimulating and I don’t last long. So we take it nice and slow in other ways.

  11. I enjoy being spanked cause I like it and crave it . I haven’t been able to find anybody to put me through it cause they are afraid of hurting me. I just tell them if you do it the right way you won’t have any problems with it and I won’t get hurt. I will tell them how to do it and where to spank.

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