Sexual chemistry starts in the brain. Intimacy deepens the better that you know someone, and pleasure is easier to access when you’re having honest conversations about sex and life in general.
Talking about sex, no matter how fun it is, can be daunting. So we’re here to offer some inspiration.
Whether you’re looking to spice things up with a long-term boo or want to start off on the right foot with a new fling – we’ve got some conversation starters sure to take your sex life to the next level!
The Emotional Relay
Emotional vulnerability is sexy! Have you had those moments where you dump your heart and soul into someone and all of a sudden you’re so much more present with them? That’s because you tend to feel more comfortable sexually when you’re being open and honest with your partners.
While you certainly don’t need to unload all your baggage to have great sex with someone, it can help connect you and make you feel like there are fewer barriers between you.
Of course, different people bring different things into your life. Some partners may be there just for sex. While some you may want to deepen your relationship with. These are the dynamics where it’s helpful to share what’s on your mind.
Conversations like talking about past relationships, what you want out of your relationship, and things that may hold you back sexually or emotionally can all help deepen your connection – and make the sex that much better.
Tune In To My Fantasies
We all have fantasies. Sexy daydreams and naughty places that we drift off to. Maybe they’re with past partners, celebrities, or even with your current partner. Fantasies are normal, and certainly nothing to be ashamed about.
In fact, it can be incredibly sexy to share these fantasies with your sexual partners. Have you always dreamed of having a threesome? What other people are involved? What sort of *activities* do you get into? What role does your partner play in this?
Again, they’re not entitled to know every thought that’s going through your mind. You can share however much or little you want to share with them. You can also tweak the plot if need be, maybe by replacing your celebrity crush and making your partner your co-star in this scene. Who knows? Maybe they’ll even be able to make your dreams come true.
Share Your Sex Bucket List
If you don’t have one yet, it’s time to make a sex bucket list. You can probably figure out what this is, but a sex bucket list is a list of sexual activities that you would love to try some time.
Go to a sex toy shop with your partner and have a little shopping spree.
Experiment with temperature play.
Now don’t keep this list all to yourself! Make a fun activity out of it by taking turns reading yours and your partner’s lists. Not only is this a great sexy conversation starter, you may get to learn new things about your sexual partner, and hopefully get some inspiration to keep in your back pocket. You can even make a list together – hot!
Sexual Words of Affirmation
Who doesn’t love to be buttered up a bit? If your sweetie has been getting straight A’s, it’s time to tell them what a great student they’ve been.
You know what’s a huge turn on to hear? Positive feedback.
Applauding your partner for what they’ve been doing right in the bedroom not only gives their ego a nice boost, it also encourages them to keep doing that thing. Say it be whispering in their ear with intermittent kisses and they might just go back in for extra credit.
Words of affirmation don’t just have to be about praising all their good deeds. You can also gush about how much you love their calves, their belly, or other unmentionables. Just kidding, tell them you love their cock or pussy or whatever your word of choice is.
It’s Quality and Quantity
Now that you’ve got some inspiration, hopefully the ideas are flowing, and you’re feeling ready to put these prompts to the test. Remember that in this case, quality and quantity both count.
What does that mean?
Quality refers to the level of honesty and clarity that you have with your partner. Did you really share what was on your mind? Were you actively listening when they were giving you feedback or talking about their fantasies? Quality means the way you show up for each other and your ability to maintain communication around one of the biggest parts of a relationship.
Quantity is how often these conversations are taking place. Life happens, we get it, so, by no means will we put a specific number on it. How much you’re talking about sex depends on your life, your relationship, what you have space for, and what the relationship needs to grow and get juicier. It also means having these conversations at the right time, aka when you both have the emotional capacity to do so.
Communication Can Be Tricky
If you’re having a hard time talking to your partner about sex, even if it’s the fun-light hearted parts of it, know that many people experience this problem. You are worthy of having your desires heard and met, and of being able to have honest conversations with your sexual partners.
If you need some extra support, you may want to consider going to a sex therapist or another mental health provider to help give you more communication tools.