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Your Guide on How To Create Your Personalized Sex Menu

Have you ever heard of a sex menu? Yes, just as you’d go to a restaurant and have a menu of food to choose from, you can have a similar menu for when it’s time to get frisky with your partner. 

If you want to learn more about what a sex menu is, why it’s beneficial to have one, and how you can create one in a few easy steps, then read on!

What Is a Sex Menu?

A sex menu is a compilation of sexual things you enjoy during sex, things you don’t like, and things you’re curious about. It’s basically a cheat sheet for your partner to help them crack the code of how to bring you the most satisfaction in the bedroom. 

You might separate your sex menu into three parts:

  • Appetizer: things you enjoy as foreplay
  • Main course: things you enjoy as the “main course” during sex
  • Dessert: your preferred aftercare activities

Your sex menu can be as detailed as you want, and it either can be digital or physical, depending on what form you prefer. 

Why Do You Want To Have a Sex Menu?

Now that you know what a sex menu is, let’s discuss the benefits of having one:

Helps Avoid Awkward Conversations

Some people are very comfortable and upfront about communicating their sexual desires, wants, and needs. Others are a bit shyer and find it harder to be upfront about their sexual needs when talking face-to-face. 

If you fall under the “shy communicators” category, or you simply find conversations about sex and what you like and don’t like to be awkward, then creating a sex menu can be a great tool to help you solve the awkward communication issue.

No more face-to-face conversations where you and your partner are both red as beets, stammering while trying to explain how you both want to have sex. You simply exchange your sex menus, study them in silence and then have fun!

Better Sex 

Navigating sex and pleasure can be tricky, even with a partner you know well. The research shows that heterosexual women are the least sexually satisfied demographic with only 65% of heterosexual women climaxing during sex.  

Creating a sex menu of things that turn you on, that you enjoy during sex, and that you want your partner to do to you and sharing it with your partner can drastically improve your sexual satisfaction. It’s a way for you to take control of your sexual pleasure and ensure that you are prioritizing your satisfaction and not only your partner’s. 

Understanding Your Sexuality Better

The act of creating your sex menu can be very beneficial for learning more about your sexuality and understanding it better. When you are working on listing all things you enjoy during sex, it forces you to evaluate a lot of sexual things. 

You might also be inspired to explore more once you start compiling your sex menu. As you research things you’re curious about, you can discover a whole new world of sexual pleasure you wouldn’t have discovered otherwise. 

Another thing that might happen when you create your sex menu is that you might look at certain things you thought you enjoyed during sex because you were told you should enjoy them (by society’s standards, friends, etc.) and find that they are not really your thing. That realization can be liberating and gets you one step closer to a more fulfilling sex life. 

Encourages Exploration

If you’ve been together with your partner for a long time, sex can sometimes feel repetitive when you do the same things every time. Having a sex menu can encourage and inspire the exploration of new sexual things which will keep things in your relationship much more exciting.

How To Create Your Sex Menu

It’s time for the fun part – the creation of your sex menu! Here are a few things to keep in mind:

How To Talk About It With Your Partner

If you create a sex menu and randomly email it to your partner during your lunch break without an explanation, it might not have the best effect because your partner might be confused. 

You can bring up the subject of both of you creating a sex menu as a fun activity to do together. Explain to your partner what the sex menu is, and how it works, and then get to creating one and sharing it with each other. 

Also, if you see that your partner is hesitant about this idea, don’t push it. Be patient and give them time to process the information and get more comfortable with the idea. 

Be Selfish

When you compile your sex menu, it’s time for you to be selfish. Don’t think about the items on the list from your partner’s perspective. Don’t try to minimize your needs or skip certain activities because you think your partner won’t approve of or like them. 

Your only concern at the moment is your pleasure and sexual satisfaction. So, keep that in mind when you’re writing your sex menu, and be honest about things you enjoy and want to try. 

Things To Include in Your Sex Menu

Your sex menu can look like whatever you want. However, it might be useful to break the menu into three parts:

  • Appetizer: list all the things you enjoy as a form of foreplay and seduction to get you in the mood for sex. And it doesn’t have to be strictly sexual. If your partner cooking dinner for you turns you on, put it on the menu!
  • Main course: now, the “main event” of sex can look like a lot of different things. You might consider intercourse as the “main course,” or you might include other activities like oral or anal. This is also the place to list things you enjoy during those activities, like dirty talk, eye contact, and even sex positions.  
  • Dessert: aftercare is super important for all sexual activities, not only BDSM scenes. And everyone prefers different things during aftercare. Some might want to cuddle, have a shower, drink water, or discuss how their day went.

You can go even further and break each section down into things you enjoy, things you hate, and things you’re open/curious about. This is not necessary if you don’t feel comfortable sharing your sexual bucket list. But, it opens up a door to future exploration with your partner. 

Example Sex Menu

If you like to learn by seeing examples of things, then let’s look at an example sex menu to help you get some ideas for your own sex menu. 


A Hell Yes:

  • Cuddling naked or with clothing
  • Back and full body massage
  • Washing each other in a shower
  • Dinner in a candlelight 
  • Sexting 
  • Dirty talk – tell me what you want to do to me
  • Nudes
  • Kissing – making out 
  • Hickeys – on the neck, breasts, and inner thighs

A Hell No:

  • Feet massage
  • Kissing earlobes
  • Touching sides of torso – ticklish

Curious About:

  • Grooming each other in the shower
  • Making out in public

Main Course

A Hell Yes:

  • Mutual masturbation
  • Partnered masturbation
  • Doggy Style 
  • Missionary with lots of eye contact
  • Spanking 
  • Edging 
  • Oral sex – giving and receiving
  • Penetrative vaginal sex
  • Dry humping 
  • Showerhead masturbation
  • Sex toys
  • Dirty talk – praising 
  • I want to hear you moan and be vocal 
  • Wearing leashes and collars
  • Fingering
  • Nipples – sucking, licking, kissing, biting. 

A Hell No:

  • Oral sex – 69
  • Penetrative anal sex
  • Video and phone sex
  • Hair pulling 
  • Hot wax candles

Curious About:

  • Pegging 
  • Rimming
  • Degradation – no name-calling, spitting, or other humiliation. 
  • Sex on the beach, car, and in other public locations
  • Gentle temperature play – ice cubes
  • Wearing a remote sex toy in public


A Hell Yes:

  • Cuddling naked 
  • Pillow talk 
  • Snacks in bed
  • A shower or a bubble bath together 
  • Back massage
  • Reading a book

A Hell No:

  • Going to sleep right after
  • Cold shower
  • Watching a movie