The following is an article written by Jenny Block (author of Lambda Literary Award winner Open: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage, O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm and contributor to Huffington Post, Playboy, and AskMen) where she offers her 7 tips for how to overcome the most common barriers to orgasm faced by women.
Everyone has a right to great sex and ultimate orgasm. But it doesn’t always come easy to everyone. Not to worry though! If you are experiencing barriers to either, here are seven common ones and why it’s time to let them go.
7. As Long As It Takes
Your clock – When it comes to ultimate orgasm, time should be irrelevant. There is no such thing as “taking too long.” Women don’t actually take longer than men to orgasm from start to finish. It’s just that the clit isn’t always getting all of the constant, consistent stimulation it needs. So forget the clock. Enjoy what your body is experiencing. When the orgasm comes, it comes. (No pun intended.)
6. Make Room for Pleasure
Your space – If you don’t feel safe or comfortable or sexy, it can be very challenging to orgasm. So, create the kind of space that inspires your senses. Light a candle with a scent you love. Dress the bed in clean linens. Be sure the door is locked or that you won’t be otherwise interrupted or overheard. Grab that extra pillow. Put on some great music. Whatever makes you feel the best, will allow you to come the best.
5. It’s the Dirty Thought that Counts
Your brain – Our brains can be our best friends or our worst enemies when it comes to orgasm. So forget about the laundry and that meeting you have tomorrow and focus on your feelings, your partner, your body, your fantasies. Anything that keeps your head in the game. If your mind starts to wander in an unsexy direction, redirect it to the sensations you’re enjoying. The rest can wait!
4. Fuzzy Duck
Your connection – Whether you are in love or lust – with your partner or yourself! – pay attention to the connection you’re creating when you’re getting down to business. Orgasm releases all sorts of lovely hormones that make you feel all warm and fuzzy. So focus on the draw and you’ll get even more of those cozy feelings before, during, and after the big O.
3. Know Thyself
Your body – The body is an amazing machine capable of remarkable pleasure. And the female body is lucky enough to hold the only organ, in either the male or the female body, created for no purpose other than pleasure – the clit! So put all of those body image issues aside. Your partner has chosen to be with you in part because they love – or lust – the body you’re in. Let their desires override anything else!
2. Love the Love You’re Making
Your past – It doesn’t matter what you’ve done – or haven’t done – in the past. It doesn’t matter who you’ve been with or how those trysts have gone. All that matters is the here and now. So be where you are and allow your current sexual self to be your guide. You aren’t having the sex you once had. You are having the sex you are having now – which should be happy, healthy, enthusiastically consented to sex – so enjoy it!
1. Unconditional Love
Your religion or your society – Too many religions and cultures try to judge and shame our sexual selves and there is simply no room or need for that. Sex is a happy, healthy, wonderful, fun activity that consenting adults have every right to enjoy. So forget any sort of nonsense that you may feel brainwashed by (because that’s all it is, brainwashing) and enjoy the body and the pleasure that is yours to enjoy.