Just because moving in together doesn’t mean marriage, it’s still a pretty big decision to make.
And many professionals admit that making that decision should be intentional and deliberate rather than simply deciding one day to take the plunge.
But we get it: maybe you’ve been dating for a while and you already spend most of your time together. The obvious move would be to pack up your life and cohabitate, right? Not always.
Sure, there are many perks of moving in together! Saving money on rent, shared household chores, possibly more intimacy etc. But sometimes, that happy picture doesn’t exactly come to life.
Important things to considerate before moving in together
So, if you’re on the fence about living with a partner, here are some things that may help you to make the right choice…
Have a conversation
Living with a partner involves two people. So while it’s important to engage in solo introspection, a conversation with your partner is just as vital.
Within this conversation, you could discuss:
Relationship negotiations
- Is it temporary or permanent?
- Do you see marriage in your future?
- Where do you want to live?
- How will you negotiate the space?
- What are your sexual expectations?
- What about alone time?
- What are their habits, religious practices, and cultural norms?
- Do you have relationship boundaries?
Household negotiations
- How will the chores be divided?
- How will you manage your money?
- Do you have or want to have pets?
- Are you considering having children?
- Do you often have guests stay over?
Communication negotiations
- What are your communication expectations?
- Do you know how to argue in a healthy way?
- How will you tackle new issues together?
- What are your expectations around each others’ schedule?
- How will you communicate when you’re upset?
- What do you expect in terms of social media use and privacy?
Don’t do it without much thought
You may be spending a lot of time together already, staying at each others’ place regularly, enjoying things together, getting along really well, and adapting to each others’ schedules.
But when you choose to move in together, the dynamics of your relationship will change.
For example, if you get into an argument, where do you go? When you go grocery shopping, who will pay for it? And when you want to invite friends over or go out without your partner, what will happen?
All of these things can only truly be experienced once you live with a partner, which is why it’s imperative to have those important conversations beforehand.
Are you moving in for convenience?
Before moving in together, ask yourself openly and honestly about the motives behind it. Are you considering the move out of convenience or possibly to solve a problem?
For example, maybe you just want to spend more time together, perhaps you think it’ll help you financially, or it could be that you lack trust in your relationship and feel you could keep better tabs on them if you live together.
These types of inconveniences and problems are terrible reasons to move in together. They may actually make the problems worse or create a sense of deception and secrecy.
Instead, living together should symbolize becoming more committed to each other while holding space for one another to be independent.
Travel with your partner beforehand
The closest thing to living together may just be taking a trip with your partner. In doing so, you can gauge your compatibility in a space that is outside of your comfort zone.
While preparing for or taking a trip, you have the chance to witness your partner’s planning skills, their habits, and other important things for a certain amount of time.
This should give you a good indication as to how it might be to live with them, as well as figure out what could be worked on before choosing to live together.
Do you like each others’ friends?
A simple question that requires some deep thought. This may not seem like an important factor but it could actually cause a lot of issues or even a breakup if one or both partners do not like one another’s friends.
In fact, a study showed a significant increase in divorce among married couples when one partner disapproved of the others’ friends. And even though living together is not marriage, they do share similar qualities and experiences.
Think about the situations you’ll be placed in. Do you want to spend time with their friends? Do you mind being in their company? How would you feel if they came over a lot and took up a lot of space and/or were loud? And how do you feel about possibly playing host when they come over?
Essentially, moving in with your partner really is a make or break experience.
FAQs answered by professionals: moving in with a partner
To close off, here are some interesting FAQs to illustrate how and when couples choose to live together.
How soon should a couple wait to move in with each other?
According to Kim Egel, marriage counselor:
“If you think of a new relationship as a life transition, then you can give the relationship at least one year to wait to make the leap to cohabitate.”
How long do most couples date before they move in together?
“Same gender couples, on average, move in together within 6 months. For all other couples, it seems to be on average about two years,” says Dr. Brenda Wade, psychologist.
Facts and figures:
And lastly, an American study from 2017 showed that from 2011 – 2015, 70% of marriages of women 35 years and younger took place after three years of living with their partner.
And so, those are some additional things to consider when you make this big decision.
With this guide and information, we hope that – if you do decide to move in with your partner – that it is an amazing and life changing experience.
