5 Changes To Become More Magnetic
What we find attractive changes from person to person. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, after all. But attraction is not based solely on beauty, and there are commonalities that we look for in partners, and that partners look for in us. These are five intangible things you can do today to enhance your attractiveness, whether you’re in a relationship, or looking for one, or both, or neither.
- Embrace Imperfection
Nobody’s perfect, and nobody has to be perfect in order to find and maintain a healthy relationship. The trick here is not in aspiring to perfection, but learning to love imperfection. There’s a very clear psychological reason for this: being imperfect puts other people at ease. It reduces their own sense of self-consciousness, allowing a closer kind of intimacy. Being comfortable with your own imperfections, or with your partner’s, gives off a sense of openness.
It’s easier said than done, but it helps if you don’t take yourself too seriously, and you can show that you can take a joke and laugh at yourself. It’s a very generous way to live, and it makes your candidness all the more attractive.
- Do It For The Right Reasons
People with low self-esteem require the approval of others. In most social and romantic interactions, they tend to behave in whichever way they think will earn them the praise they desire. That’s totally normal, unfortunately, and addressing this is easier said than done. The main problem is that the constant seeking of validation from those around you won’t necessarily bring it, and instead might actively push people away.
Instead, don’t do the thing that you expect will bring approval in any given situation. Do the right thing. The right thing for you, for others, and for wider society. That will bring you the approval you seek, and on your own terms too.
- Do It For You
A part of strength and confidence comes from the display of a sense of purpose, and meaning. If you spend a lot of time worrying what others think if what you look like, say, or do, then you’re easting precious time achieving your goals and getting what you want from life.
Ask yourself these questions:
What makes me happy?
How do I attain happiness?
Who makes me happy?
How do I make them happy?
This singlemindedness and focus is attractive in every facet of your life, and by pursuing happiness as your goal, you automatically become more attractive.
- Be Happy
Leading on from that, it’s important to be happy, because, aside from the mental and physical benefits it bestows, happiness others feel at ease in your presence. To do this, you need to develop an awareness of your inner critic, that voice that adds a splash of negativity to the way you perceive yourself.
Don’t hide from the critic. Instead, learn to process and overcome it. It’s you, after all, and you’re in control. If you recognise your critic waking taking over, combat it with exercise, reading, work, helping others, or some creative endeavour. By ignoring your critic, you choose happiness every time, and that’s highly attractive.
- Treat Yourself
Taking care of yourself emotionally and physically takes self-discipline and commitment, both very appealing facets of anyone’s character. But more than that, it signals that you’re not someone who needs constant caring for -you’re capable of doing that yourself.
Eat well, exercise regularly, pay attention to your mental health.
With 16 years in the adult industry, including many years at LELO, it’s fair to say Stu has been around the sex toy block a few times. As LELO’s resident sex geek, he’s been featured in the Independent, the Guardian, HuffPost, Vice, Cosmopolitan, and anywhere people talk about sex. Here on Volonte, he turns his spotlight onto the important events affecting sex right now in a regular op-ed. Views are his own.