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Dear LELO: I Don’t Think I’m Masturbating the ‘Right’ Way

Dear LELO,

This is sort of embarrassing, but I don’t really know what else to do. I saved up for ages to buy my first LELO  (a MONA 2) and I was beyond excited to try it…but I don’t think it’s working for me? Or, maybe I’m not using it right, because I looked how people rave about it before I chose it.

Can you tell me what I’m doing wrong??

All Thumbs

Dear All Thumbs,

Even without knowing the exact details of how you’re using your MONA 2, it’s likely that you’re running into an issue that many women did when first beginning to masturbate. When it comes to starting self-pleasure, there are generally two ways it happens – either as young children we figure out that a certain kind of stimulation feels good, and so we keep doing it before we even know what it is we’re doing, or much later, we are familiar with the concept of masturbation and consciously set out to do it.

When it comes to the second type of foray, many of us get caught up on how we ‘think’ it’s supposed to work, using preconceived notions that we have picked up from all sorts of places.

And, unfortunately, a lot of these notions are not complete  or accurate, which does not set you up for a good time.

If, as I’m assuming, you’re not finding much enjoyment out of merely inserting MONA 2 and thrusting, it’s entirely possible that you’re merely not built to orgasm that way, or you’re not quite aroused enough, or need to use lube, or any number of reasons – all of which are okay. Think about how many hundreds of types of sex toys there are, each is meant for a different type of pleasure and, creative people that we are, there’s definitely more than one way to use each toy.

Generally speaking, the clitoris is your major player when it comes to pleasure. Even if you are able to achieve a G-spot orgasm, anatomically-speaking, it’s likely that you’ll also need to have some clitoral stimulation to start or even throughout.

Try using the the tip of your MONA to explore different parts of your vulva.

Try different pressures and vibration speeds, try making small circles on the clitoral hood or tracing lines up and down. Treat your self-love session as exactly that, a time to try touching your body in a lot of different places in a lot of different ways. Once you find something that feels good, remember to relax and enjoy the feeling rather than worrying about whether you’re going to come or not, because that kind of performance anxiety is definitely unsexy!

If you feel like you’re lacking inspiration, or even just like you’re having trouble getting ‘in the zone,’ then reading erotica or watching erotic film can be just the thing to whisk you away into a pleasure-focused state of mind, and it can also give you new ideas for things to try out!

Finally, just remember that ‘self-pleasure’ is exactly that: pleasure for yourself. How, when and why you enjoy whatever it is that you enjoy doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s self-pleasure.

About Katy Thorn

Katy Thorn is a post-grad writer with a passion for - and a history of - writing about sex, sexuality and all that it entails. She spends her time running, reading, writing and socialising. Katy has a cat named Feargal, she loves coffee and hates writing bios.

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