It’s true that pregnancy and childbirth can have a huge effect on a woman’s libido and feelings of sexuality. This is because of a combination of hormonal, physiological, psychological, and social changes.
These changes occur from the first trimester of pregnancy and can continue for more than 12 months postpartum. Of course, every woman is different, but there is a general pattern that follows.
Today, we’re going to look at how sexuality and desire changes from pregnancy all the way into postpartum, and how women can recover their sexuality after childbirth.
How Does Pregnancy Affect Libido in Women?
The First Trimester
From weeks 1-13, many women experience a decrease in libido. This is because the hormones estrogen, progesterone, and hCG are surging, and they often experience symptoms like nausea, vomiting, fatigue, breast tenderness, and emotional shifts. On the other hand, some women tend to feel the opposite—heightened sexual tension due to an increase in blood flow to the pelvic region.
Generally, however, the majority of pregnant women in their first trimester feel a lower sense of arousal.
The Second Trimester
From weeks 14-27, a woman may experience a heightened libido. This is because the negative symptoms like nausea may have diminished or disappeared, their energy may have returned, and there is still an increase of blood flow to the pelvis. Estrogen levels also may induce arousal, lubrication, sensitivity, and desire.
The Third Trimester
From weeks 28-40+ a woman’s libido may drop again, often reaching the lowest level of their pregnancy. At this stage, they may feel discomfort because of a larger belly, back pain, swelling, and frequent urination.
There’s also the factor of body image that can play a big part in arousal. Some women may feel unattractive or less desired during this period, all the while experiencing lubrication issues and feeling less sexual in general.
How Does Childbirth (Postpartum) Affect Libido in Women?
Once a woman has given birth, it is called the postpartum period. During this time, there are even more drastic and prolonged effects on their libido.
Immediate Postpartum
From the first 6-8 weeks, a woman requires time to heal. They may be experiencing bleeding and extreme exhaustion, which has a big impact on their sex drive. In fact, most healthcare professionals advise waiting 4-6 weeks before any penetrative sex.
After Initial Recovery
From 3-12+ months, a woman’s libido still may remain low (lower than pre-pregnancy levels) because of hormonal shifts that can cause vaginal dryness, reduced lubrication, and lower desire. Additionally, they may be sleep deprived, struggle with finding their new identity as a mother, experience postpartum depression or anxiety, and possible relationship strain.
How Can Women Recover Their Sexuality After Childbirth?
While much of the information above tells a story of biological and hormonal reasons for a low libido after childbirth, there are some things that a woman can do to try and raise their sex drive postpartum.
But it’s important to note that, during this time, it’s less important to focus on “getting back to normal” and more about building a new, healthy sex drive in a body, mind, and life that has drastically changed.
Oftentimes it takes months or more than a year to feel a pre-baby sex drive, and that is completely normal. Knowing this, starting with realistic expectations and not rushing the process, or feeling as though there’s something wrong with you, will make things a lot easier.
1. Give Your Body Time To Heal with Grace
Rushing recovery often delays it. Accepting the fact that your sexuality may be different for a while, and focusing on healing rather than fixing, will remove pressure.
Immediately after childbirth is not the time to prioritise sex, it’s a time to take care of yourself by treating pain, and monitoring how you feel. It’s also a time to prioritise basic self-care with hydration, nutrition, gentle exercise (when cleared), and, if possible, help with childcare so that you can have a 1-2 hour break which can make a difference mentally and energetically.
See a specialist if you’re experiencing pain with penetration (although waiting 6 weeks before penetrative sex is important), incontinence, or tightness or weakness in the pelvic floor. If sex hurts, it will impede your sexual desire.
2. Hormonal Factors
There are some hormonal postpartum issues that can be addressed by a professional. For example, if you’re experiencing low levels of estrogen, it may lead to vaginal dryness and thus low arousal.
Or, if you have high levels of prolactin (the sleep hormone) which is stimulated through breastfeeding, you may feel less sexual. Your doctor could prescribe vaginal estrogen for dryness, and you could consider your options about breastfeeding if it’s affecting you negatively.
3. Talk with Your Partner
If you have a partner, communication is so important. Talking openly and honestly about how you’re feeling, fears, readiness, and your sex drive can pave the way for better understanding and care. You could address the fact that you may have mismatched libidos, or you could even schedule time for intimacy.
For some women, scheduling sex can be a good thing as it gives them time to mentally prepare. At the end of the day, talking with your partner should be done in a safe space without blame. When there’s love and understanding, it can lead to more compassion for yourself and your partner.
4. Rebuild the Connection with Your Body
A woman’s body changes postpartum, which can cause a disconnect. Starting slowly, there are some helpful things they can do to start dipping their toe into their sexuality once again, without pressure or intimidation.
For example, starting with non-sexual touch such as massages, looking and touching the body without judgement, and doing pelvic floor exercises.
Then, there can be some gentle sexual exploration to rebuild confidence, which is essential for arousal. With a partner, you could engage in activities like kissing, holding hands, cuddling, or masturbating together.
These non-penetrative acts can reduce performance pressure in a non-intimidating way, which often helps women find pleasure faster than if it were full-on.
For solo moms, give space to discover what feels good now, and reconnect with yourself without rushing to reduce anxiety. Masturbating with sex toys could help you in feeling sensations again.
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5. Take a Practical Approach to Physical Discomfort
When you’re ready to have penetrative sex, it may be uncomfortable at first. If you experience pain, it’s best to wait some more.
If there’s a slight discomfort, you could use a generous amount of lube for vaginal dryness, and try different sex positions that reduce pressure on healing areas, for example spooning or woman-on-top.
Throughout your journey, you could practice pelvic floor exercises, as mentioned, as it can assist in strengthening and relaxing the pelvic floor for more comfort.
Additionally, opt for a warm bath before sex to aid in physical and mental relief, and emptying the bladder before penetration could ease soreness.
The main takeaway is that a lot of these sexual changes you may be experiencing through pregnancy and postpartum are normal.
Being kind to yourself and your body, communicating with a partner, exploring yourself sexually with care, and taking extra precautions are great ways to recover your sexuality after childbirth.
The main thing is to take it slow, without rushing, as it is this patience and self-love that will get you there with more self-awareness and compassion.