Asking for sex is a tricky art because it comes not just with the threat of a refusal, but an implicit criticism of your partner. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, asking for sex is a loaded question for all of us, loaded with risks and pitfalls at every turn. So how do you get the kind of sex you crave without things getting a bit, well, weird?
Men and women signal arousal in different ways. A woman signals interest by referring to herself in the first person a lot, “I”. Men signal interest by talking in a monotonous voice that’s deeper than usual. A woman signals disinterest by using hedging phrases like “sort of”, “kind of” or “probably”. A man can increase his chances of securing a second date by showing support with phrases like “that must have been difficult” or “that sounds tough”, or by laughing at her jokes.
But the number one complaint women have of their boyfriend after they’ve been dating for a while is that he won’t have sex with her. So, are men saying ‘no’ more than they admit, and are women saying ‘yes’ more? Is it possible that women actually want sex more than men?
There’s evidence to suggest that women are less suited to monogamy than men, and actively want sex more than men, but don’t want to appear to forward or, worse, desperate, for fear of being slut-shamed – an occurrence that rarely happens to men in the same circumstances.
The truth is it takes a strong man to handle a woman’s very strong sex drive. The sexual customs of our ancient ancestors typically show that women were in control of the sexual arena, often with more than a man. It might not seem like it given the fractious nature of sexual politics, but we seem to be approaching a plateau where men and women are equal in the bedroom.
But asking for sex is still an anxious thing to do. So here are some tips.
Don’t ask verbally.
There are plenty of more fun ways to ask for sex. A text message, fridge magnets. It can be cute or raunchy, and removes the nervousness of asking outright.
Initiate the sex.
Building up the confidence to make a move can be extremely attractive. A passionate kiss and close embrace can communicate to your partner that you mean business. Once you make a physical move, the ball is in their court to keep the momentum going.
Find the right words.
While it’s important to receive consent, sometimes asking for sex can make it seem as though it’s a chore. Try phrasing it in a different way, like “I would really like to fuck you right now.” Based on their reaction, you’ll know if it’s go-time or not.
We hope you’ve found this article useful and you start getting the kind of sex you deserve!
