International Kinky Day comes once a year (September 21), but keeps you coming all year round. It’s a day where all kinky-minded people come together to share and act out their desires for 24-hours.
This year, we’re dedicating it to the praise kink and answering all your questions about incorporating some non-traditional sex acts into your routine.
You might not even know that you have a praise kink, but if you like when your partner is telling your how good of a girl or a boy you are when you’re having sex, then it might be it.
While most people enjoy words of affirmation and praise during sex, as it’s always nice to hear that you please your partner the way they like, having a praise kink and enjoying nice words are not quite the same.
Sex and relationship blogger Emma Austin explains it best, “Everyone loves praise, but not everyone gets off to it.”
What Is a Praise Kink?
Before we discuss what a praise kink is, we have to understand what kink itself actually is. Most people believe that kinks are part of BDSM play, but it doesn’t always have to be.
A digital-age intimacy and relationship expert Robert Weiss Ph.D. writes, “I tend to define kinks as non-traditional sexual behaviors that people sometimes use to spice things up, but that they can take or leave depending on their partner, their mood, etc.”
So, a kink can be anything outside of the vanilla sex experience that brings you sexual satisfaction, such as enjoying being praised in bed by your partner.
The difference between people who enjoy words of affirmation during sex and those who have an actual kink for being praised lies in the fact that people with a praise kink experience sexual response to praises.
It’s also important to note that everyone is different and can experience the praise kink differently. Enjoying praises in the bedroom doesn’t always have to mean that you’re the submissive partner. Even dominant partners can get off on praise.
For some people, praise kinks can be enough to get them off without actual physical, sexual stimulation. One Reddit user shared his experience with his wife’s praise kink as, “If I’m fucking her mouth and tell her she’s a “good girl,” she can, under some circumstances, orgasm right then — the simultaneous feel of a cock in her mouth and the praise for sucking it (or just taking it) well is enough to get her off.”
The Roots of Your Praise Kink
Sadly, sex experts and therapists don’t have a straightforward explanation as to why people like what they do when it comes to their sexual kinks and fetishes.
Samuel Hughes, a psychological researcher at the University of California, Santa Cruz, studies kinky people, and in his years of studies, he had developed a five-stage kink development model that helps us understand better how certain kinks develop as people age.
Samuel also noticed that some kinky people use their kinks as a way to deal with their past trauma. He explains, “Many of those who reported trauma and hardship talked about kink as a way to relive that hardship with a sense of healing and mastery over it.”
Austin shares that her praise kink might stem from her “daddy issues.” On her blog (1), she shares, “I was raised by a man who I could never please, who would never reassure me, and never gave me any encouragement. So, in some ways, I’m always looking for the nurturing figure I never had.
Earning praise and recognition from a man I want to impress feels amazing to me. It satisfies an emotional craving I’ve had my entire life.”
As far as kinks and fetishes go, most sexual kinks and fantasies are harmless and healthy, as long as they’re practiced and experienced in a safe environment with two (or more) consenting individuals.
How To Communicate with Your Partner About Your Kink
If you’re in a new relationship or if you only have been engaging in vanilla sex with your long-term partner so far, it might seem impossible to venture outside your comfort zone and share your praise kink.
The good news is that praise kink falls on the soft/gentle side of kink spectrum, and it might be easier to communicate your needs about it with your partner than with some other rougher kinks.
A good place to start would be taking a love language test together with your partner to figure out which love language each of you has. It’s an activity that many couples do, and it’s a fun way to connect and learn something new about each other.
If you have a praise kink, the chances are that your primary love language is words of affirmations, or at least, it’s one of the dominant languages for you. That’s a perfect way to start the conversation about what you enjoy in bed and what your partner could do for you.
You both can check what sexual things to incorporate into your bedroom according to your love language, and once you’re set on exploring new things, it’s time to make a list of things to try.
Ways To Incorporate the Praise Kink into Your Sex Life
Praise doesn’t always have to come in the forms of phrases such as “good girl” or “good boy.” There are many different ways to praise your partner and make them hot and bothered:
Use Different Phrases
Praise your partner as you both enjoy some sexy time. If they’re going down on you, makes sure you let them know how well they’re doing or how amazing their actions make you feel.
Even if you’re having regular missionary sex, you can easily incorporate a little bit of praise by telling your partner how much they turn you on or how amazing their body feels together with yours.
Try different variations of any of these phrases to help you get started:
- “Good boy/girl.”
- “You’re doing/you did really well.”
- “You look so sexy when you go down on your knees for me.”
- “I’m so proud of you.”
- “That feels amazing. Keep doing that.”
- “Your ass looks incredible in those panties.”
- “You’re so good at eating my pussy.”
- “Keep being good for me.”
- “That’s good. Let’s see the rest.”
- “Mhm, such a precious love you are.”
These are just a few examples that make for good phrases to use during sex time with the partner who has a praise kink.
Remember, each and single person will have different reactions to different phrases, so experiment with a few different variations to see which resonate the best with your partner and leave them panting.
Physical Praise
Not all praise has to be verbal. While it’s easiest to start with words of affirmation and encouragement, when you and your partner are ready, it might be worth experimenting with physical praise such as petting or fluffing your partner’s hair.
The way you touch your partner’s body as you’re praising them with words also matters. Match the verbal praise with eager touches, worshipping of your partner’s body as all of it also might play into them feeling high on their emotions.
Mixing both verbal and physical praise can be an intoxicating experience for your partner with the praise kink, so mix and match both types of praises to see which works best for your partner.
Other Types of Expressions
Sometimes, words and gentle caresses might not be the best way to express how your partner makes you feel. When the time is right, making sounds, gasping, and moaning in pleasure at your partner’s hands/lips/genitals can also be a form of praise.
They make you feel so good that you’re left speechless, only able to gasp, moan their name, and fist the sheets as they’re working sexual magic on your body. Non-verbal praise like that can be a great way to praise your partner.
Once again, not everyone is the same, so it might not work for certain people who need more concrete praise, like using words. But if they indicate that hearing you moan and grunt as they pleasure you satisfies their kink, then you have another way to praise them.
