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New Year’s Sex Resolutions

There are some promises that are never meant to be kept. “I’ll meet you at the bar later after I’ve had a nap” is one. “I’m going to hit the gym during my lunch break” is another. These promises are empty by design, intended only to fill the gaps between sentences, never meant to be taken literally. They’re like filler promises.

And then there are promises that deserve to be kept and observed. “To love, honor and obey” is one. “I promise I’ll go to the doctor” is another. New Year’s resolutions are the collective strengthening of promises― we’re all in them together, it’s a communal commitment, and as such, they deserve to be upheld. Especially when it comes to sex.

lelo resolutions

Goals help us direct our energy and keep ourselves organized, so it’s good to start the year with a new collection of them. And if you set yourself clear goals now, the easier it will be to achieve them later. Here’s what a conventional list of resolutions looks like:

  1. More gym
  2. Read more
  3. Drink less
  4. Be more assertive
  5. Go to bed earlier

That’s pretty much a standard list, right? Now, what we’re suggesting is to replace at least one of those with something about sex. Because, well, sex is good, and it shouldn’t be forgotten when you’re trying to improve the way you’re living.

It’s too easy and too vague to simply say “have more sex” though. That’s not specific enough to be an attainable goal. So we’ve made some suggestions below that might help you enhance your sex life this year…but only if you stick to them.

Take Stock Of Your Sex

We all have a sense of our sexual identity, but we rarely stop to consider it. Few of us, when put on the spot, would be able to describe what defines us sexually, but this is such a crucial step towards knowing exactly what we enjoy and having the ability and confidence to pursue it. Take a mental inventory every now and then. (We would suggest you actually write a list of sexual things you’ve experienced, or desired but never asked for, but really, who’s going to do that? Also, it would be an awkward thing for someone else to find lying in a drawer…) Just familiarize yourself with your sexuality, refresh your memory on some of the things you’ve really enjoyed or think you might enjoy, and then revisit it often to keep the memories crisp.

Make A Commitment To Spoil Yourself

Taking the time to enjoy your own sexuality―privately, just for yourself―is the perfect way to better understand your sexual identity. We’re not necessarily talking about ‘getting back in touch with yourself’ in a spiritual sense, we’re talking about something much more grounded: treating yourself to a new lingerie set on payday and spending a night in with your phone turned off and your INA WAVE turned on once a week will make you love yourself that little bit more.

Try That Thing You’ve Been Too Scared To Ask For

This is easier said than done, but hey, sometimes our reach has to extend beyond our grasp. It’s like this: if you stick to your other resolutions, most of which are essentially likely to be different ways to improve confidence and self-esteem in one way or another, then the confidence that’s required to ask for something you’ve never asked for before will come naturally anyway. Resolutions are a complete package: when you feel like you’re satisfying one, you’re more likely to continue fulfilling it. Sex is the same: the confidence it takes to ask for something new is augmented by asking for it. It’s a virtuous circle, and the worst that can happen is that you won’t get whatever it is you wanted.

Vow To Talk More

It’s good to talk. If you’re in a relationship, promising to talk more is the best way to make sure you’re both getting the most from your sex lives. Sex is a conversation, and the better you are at communicating, the more satisfying your sex will be.

Do Something Entirely Different

It is entirely possible to try something new without taking any risks. You can invest in a new pleasure product, for example. That’s a safe option. But hey, this is YOUR resolution, so why not aim a little higher? Take a risk and enjoy the ride. If you’ve never had sex outdoors before, that’s something you should definitely experience this year. If you’ve ever had a craving to explore different roles in the bedroom, erotic submission or domination for example, then now is the time to pursue it.

Any one of these, or any combination of them, should help pave the way for a more sexually fulfilling year. And if we can offer just one piece of advice, it’s this: read more good erotica.

About Donna Turner

Donna is a Volonté contributor and freelance writer who lives in San Francisco with her husband and two sons. Her work has appeared in Psychology Today, Go! Magazine (Australia) and is regularly featured in the San Francisco Herald.

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