It’s 2022 and in this day and age, people get to love who they want and however many people they want. They’ve broken the confines of what your stereotypical relationship should look like and have made their own rules. It seems like more and more people are leaning towards polyamory, or choosing to stay single for long periods. That’s why it can almost be shocking when someone chooses monogamy, let alone serial monogamy.
Serial monogamy may seem like the title to a bad romance-horror film, but it’s actually a way of navigating relationships. Like anything, it’s a lifestyle that has its pros and cons – but that’s just being human. Ready to learn all about serial monogamy? You’ve come to the right place.
What is Serial Monogamy?
You know that friend who always seems to be dating someone or in a relationship with no breathing room in between lovers? Well, they very likely may be a serial monogamist. You may be thinking “Hold on a sec, that’s me!” There’s no shame in the game, serial monogamy works for many people.
What exactly is serial monogamy though? Monogamy is dating or being in a relationship with one person at a time. Serial is doing this repeatedly. Serial monogamists typically have a series of long or short-term relationships with people without much space in between.
Serial monogamy can be tricky territory, but also very rewarding. Let’s explore the pros and cons of it.
The Pros of Serial Monogamy
Love is great! When it’s filling you up and helping you grow and evolve as a person. What are some of the benefits of serial monogamy?
Open to Love
Some serial monogamists are walking around feeling open to the world and whatever connections come their way. There’s a beauty in this availability to love, and it can create a lot of opportunities for beautiful relationships.
Humans are social creatures. We find safety, comfort, growth, and excitement in being with other people. One of the benefits of serial monogamy is always having another person there, a companion to explore life with, or just lounge on the couch together.
Growth in Relationships
Relationships are one of the biggest growth opportunities. If you’re a serial monogamist and are using your relationships to grow and learn, then that can be a huge benefit. Sometimes you think something is right, and then realize it’s not. That right there is growth. As long as you take that lesson and apply it to your next relationship.
It Keeps Life Exciting
Variety is the spice of life! Who says you have to stick with one flavor? As long as you feel like you’re in a good place and are enjoying these partners, then it can be exciting to explore different relationships with different people.
The Cons of Serial Monogamy
It’s not all rainbows and sunshine. This kind of life can have its downsides too.
Here are some of the cons of serial monogamy:
Burnout is the kind of bone-deep exhaustion and frustration that comes from doing the same thing over and over when it’s not working. Having relationship after relationship can lead to burnout. The tricky thing is when you reach this stage, it can be difficult to break the cycle. Especially because relationships are such a fundamental part of being human. If this is you, it may be time to take a look at the deeper issues at play.
Letting Go of Standards
If you happen to keep meeting cool people and are hitting it off, then awesome! If you’re lowering or throwing your standards out the window every time someone shows interest in you, then it’s time to get off the serial monogamy train.
What you want matters. You deserve the love of your dreams. Don’t sacrifice your standards out of fear of being alone.
Not Taking You Time
As important as relationships are, you are an individual. If you’re losing touch with yourself or your closest friendships because of your love life, then it may be time to check your priorities. Especially if these relationships aren’t fulfilling.
Unfortunately, one of the biggest cons of serial monogamy, especially if they’re relatively short relationships, is projecting unhealed wounds. This is when you’re trying to fill a hole with a new person instead of dealing with whatever’s going on inside you.
Even though you keep entering relationships with people, you may be avoiding diving deep and are just skating on the surface. Ironically, this could be because of a fear of commitment or emotional unavailability. Dive deep with yourself to figure out where these wounds are coming from, and how you can stop this cycle in relationships.
Serial Monogamy: Do it Right
Although there’s no one right way to do serial monogamy or any kind of relationship, there are some tips you can use to help you succeed and not get relationship burnout.
Make Time for You
Serial monogamists are often the kind of people that seem to dive headfirst into relationships and may lose touch with themselves or their friends. It’s beautiful to have your person and want to spend a whole lot of time with them, but don’t lose touch with the other important parts of your life.
Understand Your Needs
Where is your desire to consistently be in a relationship coming from? Are there unhealed parts of you that feel like you need to fill a void? Or do you truly just keep meeting rad people and then move on to the next? There’s nothing wrong with either of these, just be real with yourself about where your needs are coming from and if they’re actually being met. Therapy, journaling, and meditation are great tools here!
Be Unabashedly Bold
This is your life and your love life. You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. If you ever get flak from your friends and family for being a serial monogamist, remember that you get to live and love how you want to. So be bold and confident about your decisions and what feels right for you.
The same goes within the context of your relationships. If the reason these relationships aren’t working out is because of emotional unavailability, then it can be a game-changer to be more honest and communicative from the get-go. At the same time, people change and so do relationships. Not everything is meant to last forever.
Love Who and How You Want
Everyone loves differently. We all have our own journeys through relationships, and there’s no one right way. How you approach relationships may evolve over time. The always single person becomes the serial monogamist. The serial monogamist becomes polyamorous. It’s all gravy as long as you’re staying true to yourself and your needs, and are being respectful within your relationships.
If serial monogamy is your thing, awesome! Keep it spicy and exciting and get inspired by things like the Kama Sutra, BDSM, and full-body sensual massage. Creating meaningful relationships isn’t just about having hot sex. Stay connected by sharing common hobbies, prioritizing play and adventure, and being open and honest with each other.