Meditation is not woo-woo ultra-spiritual stuff. It’s simply the ability to focus your attention, your concentration, and your mind on whatever the chosen meditation object is. That’s all. And, it goes without saying, that object can be sex.
Sexual meditation is a little different from mindfulness, which is very similar. Mindfulness is the use of the broader practice of meditation and its application to sex. Sexual meditation is focused on the sex itself. It’s specifically about bringing the benefits of mindfulness and meditation into a sexual context.
Sexual meditation can take multiple forms. It can refer simply to a general kind of mindfulness or meditative practice, a more mindful approach to sex, exercises with a partner that have elements of mindfulness, or a focus on certain mindfulness elements that might pay dividends sexually. Here are some of the biggest benefits of sexual meditation.
Sex comes with a lot of stress for a lot of people, and that’s exacerbated for those of us who experience difficulties in sex, such as pain, or poor communication, as well as insecurity, or mental health issues. During sex, we can worry and be preoccupied with unsexy thoughts, and all of these can increase stress levels and decrease the pleasure of sex.
As these stress responses are activated, it is increasingly difficult to feel aroused, and much more difficult to achieve orgasm (though, we should stress, that’s not necessarily the end goal of any sexual experience). Sexual meditation makes it easier to manage this response, and mindfulness naturally decreases stress because it helps engage your parasympathetic nervous system. The result: you’re more able to enjoy the moment and be present in it.
Focus On The Present
Our minds wander. When we’re doing mundane tasks like laundry, our minds are rarely engaged in the moment, but this is also true of pleasurable activities like sex. Even in sex, our thoughts can meander away from the present, and become entrapped in worry and doubt.
Meditation is the ability to focus the mind, and meditative focus has the ability to set your senses ablaze if you allow it to. Learning how to commit to the here and now, to be in tune with all your senses and emotions, can help you be far more present.
This makes the entire sexual experience better, sexier, more sensual, more satisfying, and more fulfilling. When you’re able to connect with a partner’s touch, and their needs, you’re able to process the experience more intensely. Meditation can also help increase the effectiveness of certain functions like lubrication, erection, and orgasm.
Recent studies indicate that mindfulness and meditation can help enhance your feelings of desire and how much you want to have sex. You’re more likely to want to initiate sex if you’re applying sexual mediation to your intimacy.
It’s the qualities of mindfulness that are key here. The ability to pay close attention to what’s happening and sharpen the perception of your senses helps you enjoy them more, and crave them more. This in turn leads to an increased rate of sex and intimacy.
How much you enjoy sex is important. The best sex also includes love for, and connection with, a partner. If you’re able to root yourself in the moment, you’ll be more aware of your partner’s responses as well as your own, for a far more profound and meaningful type of sex.
If you can train your mind to tune in and be focused, it creates excitement and novelty, so every sexual encounter feels new and fresh. This strengthens the bond between partners, and allows you to feed off each other’s energy.
With 16 years in the adult industry, including many years at LELO, it’s fair to say Stu has been around the sex toy block a few times. As LELO’s resident sex geek, he’s been featured in the Independent, the Guardian, HuffPost, Vice, Cosmopolitan, and anywhere people talk about sex. Here on Volonte, he turns his spotlight onto the important events affecting sex right now in a regular op-ed. Views are his own.