The Secrets to Rekindling a Relationship with Your Ex
Isn’t it funny that, so often, people tend to harbor intense negative feelings towards an ex? Even though at one point they may have seen them as the centre of their universe? A person that you perhaps once thought was ‘the one’ is now someone that you simply cannot stand.
But as they say, time heals all wounds, and once the aching and heartbreak has passed, romantic or sexual feelings could start to rise up again. This is not a new concept. In fact it’s a fairly common occurrence.
People have been seeing, hooking up with, and getting back together with their ex for centuries… and even more so today, as it’s easier for individuals to re-connect via the Internet.
So if you’re hoping to rekindle with an old lover, consider answering the questions under the heading(s) applicable to you:
- Are you currently in a relationship?
Do you feel unfulfilled in your relationship or marriage? Do you worry about or find it impossible to see a future with the person you’re currently with? Is that perhaps why you feel drawn to your ex?
- Are you between relationships?
If you’re single, what is it that’s pulling you towards your ex? Is it feelings of nostalgia?
Do you feel lonely or alone? Or does it seem as though love is blooming everywhere around you while you’re still single, making you yearn for what once was?
- Are you experiencing personal development and reflection?
Often when people are choosing to engage in introspection, they may realise a few things that they wish they had done differently. Are you now questioning why the relationship ended? Or perhaps it all makes sense to you now, and that you now know that you should have done more to make the relationship work?
Alternatively, maybe it’s none of the above? Maybe you’re genuinely pining for your ex and the feelings you once had appear to be as strong as ever before. Maybe you believe in fate, and wonder if she or he is feeling the same way?
Whatever the reason, rekindling with an ex actually comes with its positives. It’s not necessarily about starting over or trying something new, but rather coming back together after taking some time to grow and reflect, and with a bigger passion (and possibly better tools) to make things work.
3 Ways & Examples on How to Rekindle Things With an Ex
Did you know that, the sooner you reach out to an ex after a break up, the more likely they are to want to get back together? In fact, there is a 30 percent success rate of getting back together if one partner approaches the other soon after the relationship ends.
Communication is key when it comes to getting back together with an ex. And nothing beats bringing up something that’ll cause your ex’s mind to be flooded with positive memories of you two.
To do this, you should try to think of something that’ll tug on their heart strings. For example:
“You won’t believe it! That cosy cafe we loved so much closed down! Walked past there yesterday, and all of my Sunday brunch goals came crashing down. Hashtag sad! Haha. Remember when we stuffed our faces there, hungover, after Gina’s wedding?!”
In this example, the cafe closing down not only gives you a reason to text your ex, but also has the capacity for him to reminisce about the fun you two had together.
If you feel that you and your ex belong together, you should at least know a lot about them, right? Use this card to get a conversation going. For example:
“Guess who has access to presale tickets for next season?”
This would work wonderfully in your favour for four reasons. One, it shows that you know your ex really well. Two, it shows that you’re a thoughtful and kind person who is still thinking of him or her in a positive way, despite breaking up. Three, it will bring about feelings of excitement within them. And four, it prompts a reply which could then start a dialogue between the two of you.
You’ll want your ex to know that you support them and also encourage them to be the best that they can be. So when you hear via a mutual friend (or however else) that they’ve recently taken that long-awaited vacation to Europe, message them to see how it was. For example:
“Sarah and I had our usual Tuesday night cocktails last night haha, and she told me that you finally made it to Italy! That’s so amazing, I know it’s always been a dream of yours. How was it? And more importantly, how was the food??”
Or, if LinkedIn has notified you that they’ve recently gotten a promotion at work, congratulate them. For example:
“Your job promotion popped up on my LinkedIn feed this morning! Yay you! So happy for you, you totally deserve it! How’s the new job going?”
So now that you have a few tips and tricks on how to rekindle with an ex, take some time to look inwards and ask yourself if you’re ready for this kind of commitment.
Here are four things to consider before you start the rekindling process:
- Do you have faith and confidence in the relationship?
You’ll see it in motivational posters all over the world, but it’s true: you need to love and have confidence in yourself before you can give yourself to another. Do you feel like you’re in a positive space to be with someone?
And are you ready to have faith, trust, confidence, and respect for your partner again? Basically, do you genuinely see this going somewhere?
- Can you forgive and forget?
You broke up with your ex for a reason, and perhaps it was a big one. Maybe you or they cheated, lied, or did something that goes beyond your morals. Now, you’re hoping to rekindle the relationship… can you forgive and forget?
- Can you own up to any mistakes on your part?
It takes two to tango, and within the dynamics of a relationship, there are always three sides to a story: one is your side, the other is their side, and the third is the truth.
Are you ready to confront and own up to the mistakes that you made during the relationship?
- Are you emotionally ready for the outcome?
By deciding to pursue your ex, you need to make sure that you’re emotionally prepared for the outcome. This could either be that they reciprocate your romantic feelings, and so a ‘new’ relationship starts, or it could be that they’re not in the same place as you, and thus are not interested in starting things up again.
- Can you handle either?
Additionally, it’s important to realise that you are both two different people than what you were when you dated. This is especially true for couples who have been apart for a number of years.
You are not your 18-year-old, 20-year-old, or even 40-year-old self anymore. As humans, we evolve, mature, and grow.
So while it may make your heart melt to hear that your ex would be interested in rekindling the relationship, you should know that it might not be easy or the same.
And, to end off, here’s an adorable quote by Deborah Copaken, an author at The New York Times:
“Because real love, once blossomed, never disappears.”
For related topics, check out:
- The 7 Tips of Being a Better Partner
- Getting Over Your Ex: A Step-by-Step Guide
- Should You Really Ask Your New Partner About Their Past Relationships?
Helena is a sex-positive freelance copywriter in her early 30’s from Cape Town, South Africa. She’s travelled and lived in various countries in Asia and Europe for almost a decade, and continues to live her dream — traveling the world independently as a copywriter. Having written for various companies and magazines within the industry, she has extensive knowledge in the field of sexual health, the escort industry, and sex toy marketing.