Boost Your Bedroom Confidence
Self-esteem has just as big an impact inside the bedroom as it does outside of it, and just like everyone, we’re all subject to a crisis of confidence every now and then. When you find yourself feeling insecure about getting intimate – as can happen when we’re in a brand-new relationship or just feeling less than our best – remember these tips to get you feeling your finest and friskiest self again.
How to Improve Your Sexual Self-Esteem
Honesty: The Best Policy
This isn’t some long, hard look in the mirror we’re suggesting here, but if you’re experiencing a bout of lowered sexual self-esteem, speak up and let your partner know before you’re in the middle of a sensual experience. This helps you avoid being pushed beyond your comfort zone, and will open the avenue of communication between you and your partner to talk through a solution to your sensual setback – there are a lot of ways to be intimate with your partner!
Know what you want by giving yourself what you want. Especially when you’re with a new partner, there so much to learn about how they prefer their pleasure that it certainly makes things much easier for both of you if you know actually know what you want and what gets you off.
So that being said, how do you figure out what kind of pleasure you like best? By masturbating, of course! If you’re a total newcomer, the perfect beginner’s sex toy is something unobtrusive and easy-to-use, making it perfect for getting better acquainted with yourself or for being introduced to your shared sensual experience with a partner!
Dare to Bare… or Don’t
Everyone’s got their best bits and the bits they can’t bear to show off, like a touch of cellulite here, a stretch mark there, or too much jiggle in a certain spot you’d rather hide. We say that if it makes you feel better, then by all means turn the lights off. Just remember that, as an example of why communication with your partner is so important, a sudden desire to always have the lights of during sex with zero explanation could feed into un-discussed insecurities your partner has – trust us, talking about it is your best bet!
Not showing absolutely everything can truly help you feel as comfortable as possible, especially in the early days of a sexual relationship. And as anyone in a long-term relationship can tell you, it’s an anxiety you get over quite quickly as you realize that what you see as a ‘flaw’, your partner sees as something that is irresistibly you.
Have you got a favorite pair of jeans that makes your butt look like WHOAH? What about a best dress that makes the most of all of your curves? Get yourself all gussied up in the duds you like the best, because feeling sexy yourself is going to make you want to get sexy with someone else.
Push yourself outside of your normal routine and change the scenery; try going on a date someplace completely new and removed from your usual social circles. Doing the same things with the same people all the time gets us stuck in a routine that comes saddled with its own expectations, so break free of that for a change, and go to a place where you and your partner don’t know anyone. Getting away from the usual places and faces you know will allow you both to try out more daring or adventurous aspects of your personalities you otherwise feel that you cannot, and you can dress as differently or provocatively as you want without raising eyebrows or inciting questions or comments about your ‘new look’.
Meet your partner for a drink in the bar of a 4 or 5 star hotel in your town and see where the night leads you both. Hotel bars are perfect for an anonymous ambiance due to their constantly changing clientele, and tend to be a little easier on the eyes than your local bar, making it the perfect venue for getting out of the ordinary and into your element – perhaps you can try a little role play!
Donna is a Volonté contributor and freelancer who lives in San Francisco with her understanding husband and not-so-understanding teenage sons. Her work has been published in The Journal of Sexology and she is currently writing a book on love languages.