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Three’s Allowed: Triple Your Pleasure with Threesome Advice

They look good on film and are probably a go-to masturbatory fantasy for you too, but when you start thinking – really thinking – about how to make your threesome fantasy a reality, it starts to get a liiiiiiittle complicated.

Who does what? What goes where? These are just two of the questions that fly into your head when you’re planning to add a third (or a second and third) to your lovemaking, and they’re just the beginning. We’re going to run down every bit of advice we’ve collectively learned after years in the game in order to send you off in to the world with clear eyes as you check this biggie off your sexual bucket list.

Get Started

For everyone looking to add one or two more people to their wet & wild weekend plans, there are online resources you can use. Try downloading Feeld, the app specifically for finding a couple to swing with (or likewise a third for you and your mate to swing with). It’s basically ‘Tinder, but for threesomes’ as well as polyamory and kink. Using it, you can find people who are looking to swing and see if you match.

Another, not so convenient option, requires going to a local sex shop and speaking to someone there about community events or classifieds that you might not otherwise have known about, or flyers for upcoming swingers’ parties in your area.

Set the Ground Rules

However before you even do any of this, you’re going to have to discuss the minutiae. You and your partner will need to establish some ground rules for each other. What’s allowed? What’s off-limits? Do you take turns?

You absolutely need to clarify with your partner what you’re looking to get out of this experience. Then, you’re definitely going to want to communicate all of this with your third. Don’t expect to be able to nonverbally communicate while you’re in the mix; spell it out to them beforehand.

Oh, and First You Gotta Pass a Test…

Practice some basic courtesy by getting an STD check in order to be able to tell the other parties your clean and healthy status well ahead of time.

For Couples: Make a Safe Word and a Safe Space

Planning a threesome is an exercise in trust and understanding, and that extends to being in each other’s corner no matter how the whole evening shakes out. Decide together on a safe word or a phrase that one of you can use if either of you ever feels things aren’t right, or if you need to wind down the encounter quickly. Likewise, you absolutely must reassure the third person that they can speak up in the event that they feel even the teensiest bit uncomfortable.

For the Host: Provide the Party Favours

Keep sex toys on-hand, but also keep a bottle of sex toy cleaner or cleansing wipes handy if you want to share the toys between partners. The same goes for condoms; you’re going to want to keep a lot more condoms than usual in the bedside table; while sharing our partners in a threesome is fun, sharing bodily fluids and bacteria isn’t – cover anything that has gone into someone with a new condom when its about to go into someone else, no exceptions.  

Post-coital Planning

So you’ve checked ‘threesome’ off of your sexual bucket list – so what now? Do the three of you cuddle, hang and watch a nature documentary, or peace out immediately? Before you even get started with small talk to get the night started, the three of you should have this planned well in advance.

About Donna Turner

Donna is a Volonté contributor and freelance writer who lives in San Francisco with her husband and two sons. Her work has appeared in Psychology Today, Go! Magazine (Australia) and is regularly featured in the San Francisco Herald.

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