Giving up control can be one of the most attractive aspects of BDSM – from the use of ropes for bondage to acting out role play scenarios with a power imbalance.
But would you put your orgasm completely in your partner’s hands, at their discretion whether to let you have one or not? If that sounds attractive to you, then you may be ready to try having forced orgasms.
What is a Forced Orgasm?
Forced orgasms are a component of kinky play wherein one partner controls the other’s orgasm. It’s similar to edging in that the Dominant partner can deny it, but their ultimate goal is to bring the submissive partner to orgasm.
Think of it as a test of wills – the submissive partner fights the urge to give in to climax while at the mercy of their partner, who uses all vibrators or other toys until an orgasm is ‘forced’ out of them – or their partner gives them permission to orgasm.
What do I Need to Try It?
There are some props that can help your pursuit of forced orgasm, but the number one thing you need before trying it is a big conversation about limits. It’s not just a matter of a safe word – though that is crucial – you must also discuss how far you’re willing to take it, for how long, and even the type of language your partner is allowed to use toward you during the scene.
Once that has been established, you’re free to pick your sensual accessories and weapon of choice. Restraints can be handy to keep the submissive partner still – may we suggest silk Boa ties on each wrist and ankle to keep their entire body open and exposed to delicious teasing?
When it comes to toys, there’s nothing quite as iconic as using a powerful wand vibrator to bring your helpless partner to their (eventual) orgasm, however any vibrator that gives the receiving a strong and/or involuntary reaction – like, for example, SONA – would be suitable.
In this test of wills, once you both become adept, there’s nothing stopping you from changing the playing field. Blindfolds and other types of sensory deprivation can increase the intensity of sensation, and if you know, for instance, that your partner loves the feelings of hot massage oil, you can incorporate that to make it all the more difficult for them.
No two relationships – sexual, romantic, or otherwise – looks exactly the same, and neither will any particular play scenario. While some may play with forced orgasms as part of bondage play, others can make it part of their long distance Skype sex session – it’s whatever gets you off (when you’re allowed to)!