An orgasm, when you boil it down, is nothing more than a few seconds of pelvic contractions followed by the delivery of some pleasure-triggering hormones and chemicals. It should be boring, like stubbing your toe or sneezing, but it isn’t. It’s the most riveting experience a human can have and we spend a large chunk of our waking and sleeping lives trying to maximize the potential of our pleasure.
It should go without saying by now that the orgasm is not the be all and end all of a sexual experience, alone or otherwise. In fact, you might well find your ability to experience sexual contact becomes more pleasurable and satisfying if you forget all about the orgasm and focus on the sensations in the moment instead, regardless of climax.
One way to achieve this kind of mindful sensuality is to explore edging. We’re sure you don’t need us to explain it, but just so we’re on the same page, edging is the state of being close to orgasmic without allowing the orgasm to overwhelm you. Extending this state for a prolonged length of time is its own reward, but it can also help boost the intensity and satisfaction of an orgasm, if you allow one to happen.
The effect can be likened to one long, lingering state of climax, during which you manage and modify your sensations to maintain a constant sense of near-orgasmic pleasure. The key to edging involves becoming attuned to your body’s unique pre-orgasmic signs and signifiers, and it’s much easier to do alone than with a partner.
Here are a few tips.
- Pace Yourself
You’re playing the long game here, so set aside some time and build your pleasure up slowly. The goal here is not to rush to orgasm – it’s a marathon, not a sprint, and it’s an opportunity to get to know yourself all over again, every time.
- Stop & Start
It’s tempting to go for the orgasm as soon as you feel those initial little pangs and contractions that indicate a forthcoming orgasm. But instead, use those as cues to pause what you’re doing, wait for them to subside, and begin again.
- Chop & Change
Try to break away from your conventional orgasmic patterns. Explore new sensations and experiences, in new positions and new locations. Get creative with sex toys.
Defocus stress and extraneous thoughts and focus on your breathing. As we approach orgasm, our body wants to stiffen and engage our muscles: resist that urge and allow your body to remain loose.
Similarly, our instinct is to close our eyes and hold our breath. Instead, try to open your eyes and focus on your breath. Our breath tends to become clipped and shortened as we approach climax: slow it down with deeper belly breaths to encourage your body to relax. In doing so, you can take some control of your sexual response and delay orgasm as long as possible.
All this, focusing more on the moment than on the ‘end goal’, allows you to inhabit your body better. With practise, you can easily multiply the intensity of your orgasm, and with patience, teach a partner to respond to your body’s messages too.