Get Cuffed Up! Incorporating Handcuffs in Your Sex Life
There’s just something about restraint that’s so damn sexy. It’s a tantalizing proposition; being presented with pleasures right in front of your face, and then being told no. Having to hold back until you’re about to burst with desire, then being set loose.
The best way to toy with restraint is by including handcuffs into your foreplay and lovemaking. You’ve very likely seen or heard of the concept before as a part of BDSM, and if you’ve been keen to get into that kind of thing, handcuffs or restraints are the perfect place to start. However, even though they seem pretty self-explanatory on the surface, there are a few things you need to know before getting started with restraints and handcuffs.
Establishing Trust & Boundaries
Of course, introducing an item that gives one partner power over the other presents an imbalance in the bedroom, so before even buying a pair of handcuffs for the bedroom, you’re going to need to have a discussion with your partner about it first. Talk about what you both want to get out of the experience, as well as who’s going to be the one wearing the cuffs (duh).
Trust and communication between romantic partners are vitally important, so you’re also going to cover topics like safe words and establish boundaries. One boundary we recommend setting is prohibiting any drinking or drug taking before engaging in handcuff play. The combo of alcohol and a device that locks around a person’s wrist or ankle can be a pretty disastrous one, and you want to avoid an embarrassing trip to the ER. You don’t want to become an urban legend, do you?
Choosing Your Cuffs
Like with any item you want to bring into the bedroom, you need to do the research to find just the right thing you’ll both enjoy. You and your partner should search together, looking at all the different handcuffs and restraints that are on offer in order to decide on the ones you’ll eventually buy. Searching together further ensures that you’re both on the same page as you embark on this new sexual adventure, and also serves as a build-up to the fun you’ll be having when the cuffs finally arrive.
Just know that not all cuffs are the same. Instead of starting with the chrome metal police-style handcuffs, start with something softer that doesn’t require a key to unlock. Look into pleasure ties — essentially a length of strong fabric or leather with a ring on one end. It can be looped around the wrist to fit any size and can be easily put on and taken off. Likewise, there are cuffs made from soft silicone or silk handcuffs that are much more comfortable for beginners.
The reason we don’t suggest starting out with traditional handcuffs is that while you may want something that looks like the ‘real deal’, they’re made with anything but comfort in mind. Also, metal cuffs you’ll find on a lot of sex toy retailer websites are very cheaply made and may leave your wrists bruised, or even worse, lacerated. Consider a good pair of chrome metal handcuffs something you and your partner can graduate to if your first few handcuff experiences exceed your expectations.
Before even putting the cuffs on, you or your partner need to clearly state what position you want to be in while wearing the cuffs. The best position to start out in is on your back with your hands cuffed above your head. Use the headboard of your bed to keep their hands positioned there as you caress and tease their body as they go wild with desire.
While in this position, add a blindfold to further limit their ability to interact, placing them even more at your whims. When your partner is restrained, this is the perfect time to tantalize them — take it slow, and be a tiny bit withholding — and they’ll be fit to burst when they’re finally unleashed.
Colin Hanna is a Volonté contributor and freelance writer who lives in Shanghai, China with his wife. He’s written extensively about sex and human sexuality for LELO since 2010.