Knocking at Your Back Door: An Intro to Anal Pleasure for Straight Men

Contributor Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, has worked with many straight men curious about prostate massage. Below, she shares her tips on how to please and put your mind at ease.Male anal pleasureзайм онлайн круглосуточно без отказа безработным As a sex coach, I often find that many straight guys will rarely admit to being curious, let alone trying, anal play. Some have a knee-jerk negative reaction and act completely turned off.I’ll clarify this right from the get go—if you’re concerned or convinced that anal pleasure will somehow affect your “straight status”— it doesn’t flip an internal switch, so to speak, unless you’re genuinely curious or turned on by the same gender.The reality is that anyone with an anus can enjoy butt play. If you’ve been considering a little back door action for yourself, know you’re not alone. A 2008 study of 1,478 heterosexual men who reported having penetrative anal sex with a female reported that 24% of respondents had also received anal play with a finger, and 15% had received rimming (having their partner’s mouth on their anus). Keep in mind this was only based on what was asked and reported (see the citation below).There are plenty of reasons to explore this nerve-packed area. Two of the best: it can be extremely pleasurable, and result in mind-blowing orgasms. If this is uncharted territory for you, don’t worry. Here’s a top 10 list of tips to walk you through the basics of trying anal stimulation.

1. Let Go of Self-Conscious Chatter

It’s natural to be anxious about anal play, particularly if you’re concerned about odor, cleanliness or an accidental mess. To calm your fears: feces isn’t typically stored in the rectum, it’s simply a passageway for waste to leave your body so it should be clear.

2. Get Squeaky Clean and Relax

Taking a shower or bath is a great way to feel refreshed and enjoy a bit of foreplay. The back door bonus: hot water is naturally relaxing, and relaxation is key for anal pleasure.

3. Get a Trim

Nails should be short and the tips should be filed smooth before digital stimulation of any orifice. Need I say more?

4. Be All About Lube

Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t have a lot of elasticity or natural lubrication. Using lubricant is essential, so make sure you have plenty within reach. Remember, if you’re planning to use latex condoms and/or silicone toys in the same session, always use a water-based lube.

5. Say Hello to the Perineum

The perineum is that delightfully sensitive stretch of skin between the testicles and the anus (for women, it’s between the bottom of the vaginal opening and the anus). You might want to start there and then work toward the anal opening, particularly if you‘re a novice and never had your perineum touched.Do some exploring on your own or ask your partner to stroke it gently or apply some pressure. Like it? If so, know you’re externally stimulating the prostate, which is equivalent to the female G-spot.

6. Start Small and Go Slow

When it comes to anal stimulation, the slower the better―this is not the time for ‘wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am.’ It can take some time to get used to the sensation of having one’s anus touched, and penetration, if desired, should never be the first thing attempted. And remember—you can always stop if it doesn’t feel enjoyable.When you’re ready, use a lubricated finger and a light touch on your anal opening. If you’re with a partner, have them start the exploration and be sure to keep the communication going. Let them know what feels good or if you need to take a break.

7. Practice, Practice, Practice

Clenching the external sphincter muscles around the anus is very natural reaction―the external sphincter is controlled voluntarily and the internal is involuntary, which is why it’s important to feel very relaxed. Besides, we are used to things coming out, not going in. If and when this happens, you or your partner can slowly remove the finger. Then, take a few deep breaths to feel even more relaxed before trying again. As well, you can try varied types of motion and pressure.You may also enjoy combining anal stimulation with a handjob or blowjob, or stimulation of any other erogenous zone. If you want to be able to try something bigger, graduate from a small butt plug or vibrator to something larger over the course of a longer session or by increasing the size over several encounters.

8. Talk About It

Of course, I always encourage couples to talk with each other about exploring new territory and this is certainly no exception. A few topics to cover:

  • What sort of stimulation are you interested in or willing to try?
  • Is inserting a finger ok?
  • What about sex toys?
  • How do you feel about oral-anal stimulation?
  • Will you keep this experience between the two of you or can you talk about it with others as well?

Once you’re comfortable with these new sensations, you might want to go beyond anal 101.

9. Prostate Massage

You can go at this alone or have your partner massage your prostate with their fingers. Not only can it feel great and lead to an intense climax, there are health benefits to prostate massage too!“Regular prostate massage reduces the risk of prostatitis, prostate cancer, genital pain, symptoms of erectile dysfunction and frequent nighttime urination. In addition, it improves overall erectile function and increases seminal fluid and circulation.”Lying on your back, you or your partner can slide a finger in and upward along the wall of the rectum (belly button side of the body). Somewhere between 3 – 4 inches deep, you’ll likely feel a round bulb of tissue. While the prostate is actually “next door” on the other side of this tissue, this is how it’s stimulated. When you find it, stroking in a come-hither motion usually does the trick.

10· Use a Sex Toy Externally or Internally

Anal sex toys are generally curved and need to have a flared base so they don’t get “lost” inside. It is also best if they are made of a non-porous material so they don’t trap any bacteria or viruses if they are present.If you’re sharing sex toys, it’s a good idea to cover it with a new condom each time in addition to washing it afterwards. Try LELO’s new prostate massagers and see how it ups the ante for your pleasure.McBride, KR and JD Fortenberry. “Heterosexual Anal Sexuality and Anal Sex Behaviors: A Review,” Journal of Sex Research (2010) 47:123.

Written by: Amy Levine

Amy Levine, MA, CSE is a renowned sex coach and certified sexuality educator often featured in the media including Glamour, Health, Men's Health, SELF and on Bravo’s Pregnant in Heels and The Meredith Vieira Show. In her private coaching sessions, soirée and events, Amy answers diverse sexuality questions and solves the most intimate sexual dilemmas. Ultimately, inspiring singles and couples to become confident and empowered in and out of bed. Learn more and get instant access to her free article “Top 10 Ways To Increase Your Pleasure Potential” at


  1. Hi Lelo people. Do you have any plans in releasing a Lelo strap on for couples play?


  2. Wonderful! Please pass on my backing

  3. This was a fantastic article. Very well written. Especially being that my wife and I like to partake in mutual anal play, I couldn’t agree more with the steps listed.

    Having the open mind to explore something that may push your comfort boundaries a bit will quite possibly be the best decision moving forward, and open up a whole new realm of pleasure. I must say if anyone is reading this and you are a bit curios and it has crossed your mind give it a try. The worst that can happen is you learn its not your thing and you don’t have to do it, or if its with a partner you can stop and thats that.

    As a side note I too would like to know if a strap on is in the midst. Being able to find a well designed and high quality is quite hard to find.

  4. Ok I like anal sex with toys only, and my girl dose to. But I only like anal sex with a woman. My question is, does enjoying anal sex from your woman only make you gay?

  5. As a heterosexual male in his mid 50s I recently discovered – in the last nine months or so – the complete joy and pleasure of anal orgasms. I always knew this was a pleasure zone as I engaged in anal play with a former girl friend who always said it felt like she was having “one” up there when I gently fingered her butthole during 69 or some other form of pussy eating – but I never really explored my own orifice much as I felt it was taboo or too dirty – or gay – for a male to really enjoy. True there were a number of times that I masturbated with a finger up my butt, experiencing the so-called blended orgasm which is wonderful too, but I never really got into it that much – generally speaking in all my years – and thousands of orgasms – masturbating. That all changed when I began exploring my own body even more of late- all I can say is WOW!!! I have used some anal toys including prostate massagers and anal plugs that vibrate and the orgasms are intense especially the blended ones I referenced earlier. But I get the most pleasure just from my finger – of course using plenty of lube and gently probing and searching for the many pleasure points up there. A light, feather like touch is the best, causing the most lovely contractions you can imagine – causing orgasm after orgasm as if there were hundreds of beautiful butterflies flapping their wings “up there” – this isn’t meant to sound effeminate at all – I am guessing though that females who also experience this intense pleasure have the same – or a similar feeling. In other words the more gentle the touch the better. I can’t believe that I haven’t discovered this until now but I am sort of glad I hadn’t- given how much anal pleasure I have been giving myself of late – if I started this in my 20s or 30s – I might have completely ruined my poor asshole by now!

    • Sounds like you are enjoying anal play a buttload! Happy to hear you’re continuing to explore your sexuality.

    • Again anal orgasms do exist and then some – I had like a half dozen or so this morning- the pleasure is almost non- stop and just keeps on giving with just the slightest manipulation up there with a gentle feather like touch with the finger – inserted as much or as little as you want – an absolutely wonderful gift from heaven 😊😊😊

  6. Thanks Donna – I’ve never posted anything like this before but for someone in their near mid 50s – this experience is thrilling to say the least and I wanted to share it in what I perceive is a safe and non judgmental forum – my only regret is that it is an entirely solo experience at this point as my better half would never consent to such activity- that’s ok though as it is incredibly fulfilling to be able to open new sexual doors – or back doors I should say! – at this point of my life. I only hope others – male and female alike – get to experience it too – with no shame or inhibitions -as it only enhances the quality of one’s life.

  7. That is the right weblog for anybody who desires to find out about this topic. You realize so much its virtually onerous to argue with you (not that I actually would want…HaHa). You definitely put a brand new spin on a subject thats been written about for years. Nice stuff, simply nice!

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