Contributor Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, has worked with many straight men curious about prostate massage. Below, she shares her tips on how to please and put your mind at ease.
As a sex coach, I often find that many straight guys will rarely admit to being curious, let alone trying, anal play. Some have a knee-jerk negative reaction and act completely turned off.
I’ll clarify this right from the get go—if you’re concerned or convinced that anal pleasure will somehow affect your “straight status”— it doesn’t flip an internal switch, so to speak, unless you’re genuinely curious or turned on by the same gender.
The reality is that anyone with an anus can enjoy butt play. If you’ve been considering a little back door action for yourself, know you’re not alone. A 2008 study of 1,478 heterosexual men who reported having penetrative anal sex with a female reported that 24% of respondents had also received anal play with a finger, and 15% had received rimming (having their partner’s mouth on their anus). Keep in mind this was only based on what was asked and reported (see the citation below).
There are plenty of reasons to explore this nerve-packed area. Two of the best: it can be extremely pleasurable, and result in mind-blowing orgasms. If this is uncharted territory for you, don’t worry. Here’s a top 10 list of tips to walk you through the basics of trying anal stimulation.
1. Let Go of Self-Conscious Chatter
It’s natural to be anxious about anal play, particularly if you’re concerned about odor, cleanliness or an accidental mess. To calm your fears: feces isn’t typically stored in the rectum, it’s simply a passageway for waste to leave your body so it should be clear.
2. Get Squeaky Clean and Relax
Taking a shower or bath is a great way to feel refreshed and enjoy a bit of foreplay. The back door bonus: hot water is naturally relaxing, and relaxation is key for anal pleasure.
3. Get a Trim
Nails should be short and the tips should be filed smooth before digital stimulation of any orifice. Need I say more?
4. Be All About Lube
Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t have a lot of elasticity or natural lubrication. Using lubricant is essential, so make sure you have plenty within reach. Remember, if you’re planning to use latex condoms and/or silicone toys in the same session, always use a water-based lube.
5. Say Hello to the Perineum
The perineum is that delightfully sensitive stretch of skin between the testicles and the anus (for women, it’s between the bottom of the vaginal opening and the anus). You might want to start there and then work toward the anal opening, particularly if you‘re a novice and never had your perineum touched.
Do some exploring on your own or ask your partner to stroke it gently or apply some pressure. Like it? If so, know you’re externally stimulating the prostate, which is equivalent to the female G-spot.
6. Start Small and Go Slow
When it comes to anal stimulation, the slower the better―this is not the time for ‘wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am.’ It can take some time to get used to the sensation of having one’s anus touched, and penetration, if desired, should never be the first thing attempted. And remember—you can always stop if it doesn’t feel enjoyable.
When you’re ready, use a lubricated finger and a light touch on your anal opening. If you’re with a partner, have them start the exploration and be sure to keep the communication going. Let them know what feels good or if you need to take a break.
7. Practice, Practice, Practice
Clenching the external sphincter muscles around the anus is very natural reaction―the external sphincter is controlled voluntarily and the internal is involuntary, which is why it’s important to feel very relaxed. Besides, we are used to things coming out, not going in. If and when this happens, you or your partner can slowly remove the finger. Then, take a few deep breaths to feel even more relaxed before trying again. As well, you can try varied types of motion and pressure.
You may also enjoy combining anal stimulation with a handjob or blowjob, or stimulation of any other erogenous zone. If you want to be able to try something bigger, graduate from a small butt plug or vibrator to something larger over the course of a longer session or by increasing the size over several encounters.
8. Talk About It
Of course, I always encourage couples to talk with each other about exploring new territory and this is certainly no exception. A few topics to cover:
- What sort of stimulation are you interested in or willing to try?
- Is inserting a finger ok?
- What about sex toys?
- How do you feel about oral-anal stimulation?
- Will you keep this experience between the two of you or can you talk about it with others as well?
Once you’re comfortable with these new sensations, you might want to go beyond anal 101.
9. Prostate Massage
You can go at this alone or have your partner massage your prostate with their fingers. Not only can it feel great and lead to an intense climax, there are health benefits to prostate massage too!
“Regular prostate massage reduces the risk of prostatitis, prostate cancer, genital pain, symptoms of erectile dysfunction and frequent nighttime urination. In addition, it improves overall erectile function and increases seminal fluid and circulation.”
Lying on your back, you or your partner can slide a finger in and upward along the wall of the rectum (belly button side of the body). Somewhere between 3 – 4 inches deep, you’ll likely feel a round bulb of tissue. While the prostate is actually “next door” on the other side of this tissue, this is how it’s stimulated. When you find it, stroking in a come-hither motion usually does the trick.
10· Use a Sex Toy Externally or Internally
Anal sex toys are generally curved and need to have a flared base so they don’t get “lost” inside. It is also best if they are made of a non-porous material so they don’t trap any bacteria or viruses if they are present.
If you’re sharing sex toys, it’s a good idea to cover it with a new condom each time in addition to washing it afterwards. Try LELO’s new prostate massagers and see how it ups the ante for your pleasure.
McBride, KR and JD Fortenberry. “Heterosexual Anal Sexuality and Anal Sex Behaviors: A Review,” Journal of Sex Research (2010) 47:123.